


New year, new reality

by DoubleTrouble (DoubleTrouble007)



Series: Mary Sueing it up, y'all [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Lots of character development, Maybe - Freeform, No Sex, Self Insert, Why Did I Write This?, actually taken seriously, also yurio, and sad, fangirl living beside the two of them as katsudon and russian man fall in love, haha - Freeform, its beautiful, katsudon yuuri, katsuki yuuri - Freeform, oh gosh, omg, this is a self insert, why, yet - Freeform, yuuri on ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-18 06:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 49,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9372653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoubleTrouble007/pseuds/DoubleTrouble
Summary: “Haha, well, we don’t really know either, you just seemed to appear out of no where,” the woman replied, smiling despite the obvious confusion. She offered a hand to me, which I gratefully accepted, being pulled up on shaky legs.“My name’s Mila. Do you have your passport? Maybe we can contact your embassy. America, right?”My mind seemed to go blank for a second. Mila. Mila. She had short red hair, blue eyes….Holy shit.Holy.Shit.Flinching back and ripping my hand out of her grip, I continued to stare at her, wondering just how far gone I really was.





	1. Down the proverbial rabbit hole

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats on getting this far. I'm already cringing. :D  
> Forgive me father for I have used google translate.

I was tired. Days had passed since the last episode but the ache in my heart only grew deeper. Despite watching every other episode in the series more times then I could count of both hands (and toes), I had only watched the last one twice.

  
The first was inevitable, to end the series that had taken over my life. The second time I watched it was right after the first, a ritual I had taken up only for this show, this series that continued to surprise me again and again. It was so I could take in the other details, to listen more carefully, to understand the characters and motivations without the pounding of my heart to distract me.

  
For nearly three months my life was utterly absorbed in the show, allowing me to finally understand the charm of Tumblr and fan fiction in the desperate need to connect just a bit more to the series during the time between each episode. I was nearly in a state of shock the day before the final episode. A quiet acceptance in the hours leading up to it.

  
And then… it happened. And after the two complimentary watches, I had to return to real life. I had to go to my job, had to act like the show I had developed an almost unhealthy obsession with didn’t just finish, didn’t just leave me.

  
But I still had the fandom, the others just like to me to fall back on.

  
Through the fan made comics, the translations from selfless bilingual people that let us inside the mind of the creators just a bit more, the metas, the writing… All of it inspired by a series that brought us together and made everyone’s lives just a bit better.

But now… Life had to go on. A new year was coming, and with it I had to make some major decisions. I had to face my own life and figure out what I would do.

Something I had been putting off with the multiple re-watches and growing obsession. But life always goes on, even after a series finishes.

  
And with the final wave from Viktor and Yuuri, a small hope towards a second season in the next level, life was already rolling past me.  
I had to go to work. Had to finish school. And I had to figure out the rest of my life.

 

Life…

  
The New Years came out of no where, finding me at a much too large party hosted by acquaintances, a cup of cider in my hands as I sat on one of the couches, looking more out of place than rice in a piroshki.

  
People laughed and talked around me, the TV screen turned to the news with footage of people bundled up in winter jackets smiling as the camera passed them, a countdown going on in the corner of the screen.

  
5 minutes left.

  
It got rowdier as more red color cups were passed around and people gathered in the living room, where I unfortunately got stuck in.

  
“Heyy!” A guy, his face almost as red as his nearly empty cup sat down beside me. I nodded at him, tightening my grip on my own cup.

  
Before I could return his salutations, however, his attention went to the other people who fell onto the couch with him, quickly taking up all the extra space, squishing me into the corner as they laughed with each other, like it was part of a well-orchestrated joke only they understood.

  
Somehow I didn’t spill any of my drink, despite how full it was, but I was still far too close to the others, the stranger’s body pressed against mine as he chatted like there was nothing odd about it. My body moved up on it’s own, unable to deal with his unwelcome heat, and soon my spot on the couch was swallowed up by the stranger and his friends, leaving me out in the throng of people that was quickly thickening.

  
“2 minutes left, people!” Someone, perhaps the host, shouted to the crowd, getting back a round of cheers. I tried to join in, but the heat of the crowd was getting to me. Why did I even come here? Why did I think this was a good idea?

  
Perhaps it was because I didn’t want to be alone to welcome in the New Year, at least, not again.

  
As someone else accidentally bumped into me, successfully staining my favorite sweater, I started to wish I had stayed home. Even if my home was just a room rented in a house that had enough renters to be considered a dorm, it was my home. It had my computer, the wifi, and of course, Tumblr. I could’ve been reading a Yuri on Ice fanfiction, or doing that marathon of the entire series like I’d been meaning to do.

  
But I was here, instead, stained and miserable as I waited for the last year to finally pass, to get through school for just a few more months before I had to find a real job, one that I had been studying for. Yuri on Ice couldn’t replace the actual need to live, to survive with a job and real human interaction. As fun as it was to talk and rant about the show with others as obsessed (or more so) than me, it wouldn’t last forever.

  
Bills still needed to be paid, parents needed to be appeased, and even my own dreams of getting an apartment would never be realized if I remained where I was; in the clouds of my imagination with Yuri on Ice keeping me throughly distracted.

  
“60 seconds; get those drinks ready!”

  
I wasn’t anti-social, I just didn’t like big crowds and all my friends were with their families or elsewhere for the holiday season. They were all growing up, getting full time jobs and moving on from childhood obsessions… unlike me.

  
Taking a large sip out of the cup to avoid future spills, I closed my eyes to the burn of the alcohol as it traveled down my throat.  
Just like an adult.

  
“10.”

  
This year, I had to do my best.

  
“9.”

  
I had to figure out what kind of starting position I could get with my music degree.

  
“8.”

  
I was so tired of working in retail, perhaps a music studio would let me intern?

  
“7.”

  
But would I even be paid enough to balance both my rent and student debt?

  
“6.”

  
I opened my eyes, gasping at the peculiar sight in front of me. Perhaps it was the vodka carelessly mixed with the cider or a trick of the lights, but there was a small ball of light right in front of me.

  
“5!”

  
_‘Do you want to really prove yourself? Do you want to prove that you aren’t just a failure?’_

  
“4!”

  
Swallowing hard, I looked around at the other people around me, but no one else seemed to notice the talking orb of light.

  
“3!”

  
_‘Say yes and I’ll give you the chance to do that.’_

  
“2!”

  
I was clearly hallucinating, the stress of the last few years in school and work getting to me. Smiling, I nodded to the orb, bringing the cup to my lips as the year came to a close.

  
“1!”

  
Light blasted through my vision, blinding me as I choked on the cider. The world tilted for a second, or an hour-I wasn’t too sure- before I found myself on the floor.  
The solo cup rolled out of my reach as I coughed out burning drink.

  
My mind spun as I curled into myself, still hacking while the ability to breath came back painfully slow.

  
Tears were streaming down my face by the time I finally opened my eyes, the cold concrete under my body all too different from the scuffed up carpet at the party, unnerving me.

  
It was quiet, too, except for a few people whispering. My vision was still blurry as I blinked away the tears. Did I pass out at the party? Perhaps they brought me to a different room?

  
“Откуда она взялась?”

  
“Без понятия. Она просто ... появилась.”

  
My heart sped up at the unfamiliar language being spoken, my eyes blinking faster so I could see what was happening.  
I was sitting up, head still spinning slightly as my vision cleared.

  
Everything went silent for a second as I realized I wasn’t at the party anymore. I had no idea where I was, actually.  
Mouth open, I slowly looked around, my denial growing greater with each passing second.

  
It was an ice rink, there were Russian flags hanging from the side, and people were staring at me.

  
“Извините?” One of the people who were staring at me posed a question, but of course, I had no idea what they said. It sounded like Russian, not English, not like any of the languages I would expect to hear from where I lived in Seattle.

  
“Hi?” I answered, my voice still scratched up from my earlier coughing fit. The people around me just looked at each other in confusion, talking in Russian with frequent glances over at me.

  
Looking down, I could understand just how out of place I seemed. Despite the over-lying oddness of my sudden appearance at the ink rink, my pink sweater and dress were even more out of place, looking almost inappropriate compared to the athletic wear everyone else was wearing.

  
“English?” One of them asked, someone who looked oddly familiar. Relief flooded my heart as I nodded eagerly.

  
“Y-yes! My name is Eli,” I replied, swallowing hard to ease the dryness in my mouth, “Um, I, I don’t know how I got here.”

  
“Haha, well, we don’t really know either, you just seemed to appear out of no where,” the woman replied, smiling despite the obvious confusion. She offered a hand to me, which I gratefully accepted, being pulled up on shaky legs.

  
“My name’s Mila. Do you have your passport? Maybe we can contact your embassy. America, right?”

  
My mind seemed to go blank for a second. Mila. Mila. She had short red hair, blue eyes….

  
Holy shit.

  
Holy.

  
_Shit_.

 

  
Flinching back and ripping my hand out of her grip, I continued to stare at her, wondering just how far gone I really was.

  
But… The chill from the ice, the smell of cooling chemicals lightly permeating the air, and the undeniably of the entire situation thrown aside by how real it all was.

“Sorry, sorry." I choked out an apology as I noticed the shocked expression on Mila’s face, despite my own mind still reeling.

  
Mila didn’t exist, not in real life, and yet here she was, wearing her usual work out gear. But if she was here, then…

  
My eyes went up, looking at the face of all the other people around us. I easily passed over most, not recognizing any specific characteristics, but then someone with short, brown hair styled to a point above his forehead, blue eyes sparkling at something on his phone.

  
Gerogi.

  
Eye twitching, my gaze continued on, until a younger skater with blonde hair falling over his face caught my eye, and returned my stare with his own glare.

  
Yuri.

  
Fuck.

  
Fuck.  
Fuck.  
Shit.  
Fuck.

  
“Are you okay?” Mila asked, looking appropriately concerned as my breathing hitched and I began to shake.

  
“U-um, uh,” I intelligently replied. This wasn’t happening, I was drunk and this was a dream and I was-.

  
_‘This is your chance.’_ A horribly familiar voice floated through my head, although the spark of light was no where to be seen.

  
_‘You are here to be a skater. Tell them that.’_ A skater? As in, an _ice_ skater? I’ve tried to ice skate before, inspired from Yuri on Ice, and I fell down four times while hugging the sides as a bus load of kids easily skated passed me. I enjoyed watching the sport, but I had no inclination to actually do it.

  
“Eli?” Mila was starting to make eyes with someone behind the front desk, who had a hand on the phone. Oh, that didn’t seem like a good thing.

  
_‘Just do it. You aren’t here to learn how to be a skater, but being one will let you prove yourself.’_

  
“What?” I asked out loud, the absurdity of the light’s words beyond confusing in an already bat-shit crazy situation.

  
“Huh?” The attention I was getting was not the good kind, and pretty much everyone had stopped to stare at me by this point.

  
I didn’t have much choice in this situation. The idea of running out briefly passed my mind, but somehow that didn’t seem like a good idea given that I was most likely in a foreign country without my passport or anything else.

  
“Uh, I’m… I’m here to skate,” I said, slowly bringing my eyes back up to face the crowd.

  
“To… ice… skate…”

  
“Oh, really?” Mila said, her confusion seeming to grow. A few of the skaters laughed before speaking in Russian to convey what I said to others. My face grew hot red.  
“There’s a beginners class at this rink every Tuesday and Thursday, if you’re interested,” Mila tried.

  
“Что происходит?!” A loud voice roared throughout the rink, startling not just me, but practically every other skater within hearing distance, “Кто сказал, что вы могли бы сделать перерыв?!”

  
Almost everyone who gathered around to look at me quickly scattered, going to do some stretching or exercises or getting back on the ice.  
Mila stayed, although she looked a little terrified herself.

  
“Yakov,” She called out. I whipped my head around, seeing the bristly coach.

  
And… Viktor.

  
Holy.

  
Shit.

  
He is hot.  
But.  
Also real.

  
So real.

 

Mila brought Yakov’s attention straight to me, the odd nail sticking out in the ice rink. Of course, that meant I got Viktor’s attention too.

  
There are times I can’t think, and there are times that my thoughts simply cease to exist. This was one of those moments, seeing one of the supposedly fictional men I had been obsessing over for months now in front of me, in the flesh. Alive. Breathing.

  
Amazingly-his hair actually looked natural, the silver bright and lively. It was unlike the grey I was used to on older people. The hair was as real as him. How. How.

  
Oh shit, Yahov's looking right at me. Mila is talking to him in Russian, most likely explaining the odd situation with me standing there like an idiot, feeling the intense stare of the Russian coach on me.

  
And then Viktor, who is also staring at me. Thoughts. Ceasing, again.

  
He adds something to the conversation, still in Russian, still not understood.

  
For whatever was going on, one would think being transported into a fictional world would mean I could speak more than one language. Or, at the very least, understand more.

  
Where was that stupid ball of light?

  
“Girl,” Yahov growled, his accent significantly stronger than Mila’s and even more intimidating. I tensed up, stomach sinking as Mila nodded out and now I was left alone with Yahov and Viktor.

  
“Y-yes?” I squeaked, trying to calm my shaking nerves.

  
“You’re a skater?”

  
“N-er, yeah, yes?”

  
Yahov narrowed his eyes at me, obviously not happy with that answer.

  
“Yes, yes I am,” I replied, hoping that this was the right thing to say. I mean, it’s what the light told me to say, so perhaps it would all work out and-.

  
“You have no skates, and showed up without asking. I have no time for people who aren’t serious, leave,” Yahov said, dismissing me with a frown as the one thing I was supposed to do already fell apart.

  
Shit. Shitshithsithisthsitfuckshit.

  
My heart dropped straight to the floor, the stupid ball of light no where to be seen to get me out of this predicament. I was supposed to be skater, right? Did I say the wrong thing? Was there a certain way to do this? What was I messing?

  
But then Viktor stopped Yahov, his hand on the gruff man’s shoulder as he said something in Russian, both of them glancing at me. For a moment I let hope flutter, hating how little control I had of the situation but hoping this was the right thing that was supposed to happen.

  
Yahov looked thoughtful at Viktor’s words, a hand rubbing his chin. I snuck a glance at Viktor, wondering how a person could look just like a cartoon and yet… real. It was better than any live action movie I had ever seen, although, honestly, I suppose that’s not saying much.

  
“Alright, fine. If you can skate, then show me. What’s your size?” It took me a second to realize he was talking about shoe size, and another to answer. A few more seconds to realize what he was asking for.

  
_Skating_?! I can’t skate. It’s impossible! I was still hugging the side of the rink even after working at it for two hours! How was I supposed to do anything impressive for these skaters?!

  
Still, his glare scared me more than I care to admit and I took the skates offered to me, putting them on while my mind raged in panic.

  
I couldn’t skate, I seriously couldn’t, I was the person other people told newcomers on the ice to avoid because I was so bad.

  
Still, I walked forward on the rental skates, towards the slippery ice that had several professional ice skaters already moving about on it. As much as I wanted to watch and admire them, my mind was pulling a blank, knowing how horrible this was going to turn out but not stopping.

  
My heart was ready to burst as I looked over the expanse of ice, just barely registering Yahov yelling at some of the skaters over the barrier.

  
_‘Don’t worry. Skating is not your problem. Just breath.’_

  
How helpful. Still, with no other option at this point, I took a deep breath, letting it out as I set a blade down on the ice.

  
Everything seemed to disappear in that moment, the ice pulling me forward as my body reacted in ways I didn’t understand, but couldn’t help melting into.

  
The off balance, awkward half seated position that I usually fell into on the ice, with arms flailing about as I tried to stay at least somewhat upright, was barely a ghost of a memory as I flew forward.

  
It was like a meditation, my body working on its own as a presence similar to the light flowed through me, lifting my leg up and stretching it back as if I had been doing it all my life. Arms came up and effortlessly grabbed the skate as my body spun around, reminding me of how I would spin around as a child, bringing a smile to my face.

  
The light continued to mold and bend my body, doing things that I never even imagined doing. It was amazing, all the doubt and anxiety gone now that I was on the ice, literally dancing on it despite the lack of any actual music.

  
Excitement bubbled up in my throat, coming out as a laugh while I continued, feeling more free strapped into the heavy boots than ever before. Then the light had me leap up, my body twisting, spinning with arms high in the air, landing back on one foot so smoothly I almost thought I was still in the air.

  
That was also the moment the light faded a bit and I remembered there were other people there. All of which seemed to be staring at me, now.

  
With their mouths open.

  
Certainly not the result I had expected, but there was no way I would complain. Not after how amazing that was.

  
“Wow, where did you train?”

  
“Was that a quad flip??”

  
“Why have we never heard of you?”

  
The questions came from all sides as skaters came towards me, the ones on the ice surrounding me while the others hung around the barrier to hear the answers. Whispers in multiple languages went off around me as I blanched, the light gone yet again as I found myself unable to answer any of the questions.

  
“Come here!” Yakov’s voice cut through all the others, effectively silencing most of them except for a few that were still whispering. I skated over towards him, thankful to find that my legs still had that elegance to glide forward, something I had tried time and time again with failure before.

  
“Who are you?” he demanded, Viktor still by his side, although the way he was looking at me now was vastly different from before. More calculating, as if he was just as curious as the other skaters, wanting to know just what I was about.

  
Of course, I didn’t know myself.

  
“U-um, I’m Eli, I… I’m a new skater? I learned by watching… TV, the competitions, on TV… Yes,” I told him, eye twitching in nervousness, not missing how all the other skaters were leaning in, trying to listen to the conversation.

  
“What about your coach? Who coached you?” Yahov continued, not looking convinced.

  
“Uh..”

  
“And that quad flip- or that triple axel.”

  
“That’s, um…” I did those?

  
“Why are you here? What are your plans?”

  
“Uh, uhh…” I tried breathing, my palms sweating as I dug my nails into them. Looking around my eyes went back towards Viktor, wondering what part of the timeline it was. If Viktor was in Russia, was it after the season finale? But Yurio’s hair was short and he didn’t seem… that old, maybe. Like, still possibly 15, or even 14?

  
Then… before the series? Since Viktor was still here…

  
Wait, then Viktor hadn’t met Yuuri yet. Or, at least not officially… maybe.

  
“Has the Grand Prix Final already happened?” I blurted out, cringing when I realized I interrupted Yahov’s train of questions, but he answered with minor annoyance.

“What? That was months ago. Viktor won with his quad flip,” Yahov said, his eyes narrowing yet again, as if suspicious.

  
Alright, scary looking Yahov aside, the banquet already happened, and if I was guessing right, then Viktor already met Yuuri. Okay. Yeah, but then, what am I doing here?

  
Seriously.

  
Swallowing hard, I looked back up at the two men, ignoring all the eyes on us.

  
“U-um, can I talk to Viktor… in private, please?” I asked, surprised I got a coherent sentence out.

  
“You haven’t even answered my questions, why should-.”

  
“It’s okay, Yahov. I’m sure it’ll only take a moment,” Viktor said, smiling at his coach before shining the light of that god sent trademark smile on me. Good gosh, he was a beautiful man.

 

So that’s how I found myself sitting at a table with Viktor mother fucking Nikiforov, twirling my thumbs around each other as I tried to figure out the right words. Or any words, or even an idea of what to say to break the silence and figure out what I was supposed to do.

  
I didn’t have to, though, because it was Viktor who spoke first.

  
“Eli, right?” I nodded, happy to hear his authentic Russian accent. It wasn’t Gru, that’s for sure.

  
“Well, Eli,” Viktor said, his voice getting lower as he leaned forward, the cold look in his eyes making my stomach twist, “Tell me why you’re really here. Certainly not to cause any pain, right?”

  
“Huh?” My eyebrows went up as I looked up, not sure what he meant.

  
Viktor narrowed his eyes at me.

  
“Because if you were, you would be in a very bad position.”

  
“Ehh??” Jaw dropping, I looked over at Viktor, to make sure I heard him right.

  
“We don’t go easy on spies in Russia.”

  
I had to look around this time, to make sure Viktor was, in fact, talking to me. Accusing me of being a spy. Me. A spy.

  
I couldn’t help but let a small snort escape at the idea.

  
“Sorry, sorry, but… I’m not a spy, really, I promise,” I said, amazed that I was in a position I could talk to Viktor, much less be accused of being a spy by him.

  
“Oh?” he replied, simply, raising his eyebrows as if to suggest I continue. Frowning, I thought about it. I suppose I could see it like that, a person in plainclothes that could skate suddenly showing up in a ring full of professional skaters, not speaking their language, or at least not that I’ve said I could.

  
“I, um.” Should I explain that he’s a fictional character? That none of this makes sense or should even exist? That I’m not actually a skater and I have no idea what I’m doing here?

  
It started to get hard to breath again.

  
Take a deep breath, in, out.

  
“I’m a skater, yeah, but not a spy,” I told him, unable to help the small smile as I said ‘spy’. “I’m here… to learn. Yeah, to be coached.”

  
“Coached? By Yahov?” Viktor asked, still keeping a watchful eye on me but thankfully going along with what I’m saying.

  
I shuddered to think about what it would be like to be coached by the older man who had lungs fit for a banshee. As it was, I could barely take a gentle critique for my music, knowing I sucked and hating how people would remind me. How could I be yelled at for a profession I wasn’t actually interested in?

  
Besides, I didn’t really need a coach. This wasn’t about me learning how to skate, if the light was to make any sense, but apparently about how to I needed to learn something by being a skater.

  
And there was no way I would get in the way of what was supposed to happen with Viktor and Yuuri.

  
No.

  
Way.

  
“Er, no,” I said, carefully working around what I was going to say, even though there was only so much I could do to cushion the bomb I was about to drop. “I actually wanted to be coached by… you, Viktor.”

  
The look on his face was priceless, shock painting his face for second before he slid into a confused, but polite, smile.

  
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can help you,” he replied.

  
Ugh, okay, so if it was easy it would be too easy.

  
“Um, do you remember Yuuri? Yuuri Katsuki? The Japanese skater that got really drunk at the Grand Prix Final Banquet?” Judging from the way Viktor’s eyes shot up the moment I said Yuuri’s full name, I figured he did.

  
“How do you kno-.”

  
“We’re good friends!” I interrupted, heart pounding as the lie flowed out. “Yeah, er, he told me all about it, with the dancing, and the… the pole, the pole… dancing,” I sputtered, amazed to see Viktor’s cheeks coloring.

  
“You… You know him?” He asked, all the hostility from earlier gone now.

  
“…Yes.”

  
“I haven’t been able to contact him since the banquet, I mean, I gave him my number but it’s been a year and he hasn’t called or-.”

  
“He’s really shy! Like, really shy!” I interrupted again, but Viktor didn’t seem to care. He was looking at me with big eyes, obviously wanting to hear more. It was kind of surprising to hear that Viktor gave Yuuri his number, but then, the show never did say what happened after the banquet…

  
I guess I knew now.

  
“He’s been trying to… find the strength to talk to you again, but he was really embarrassed by how drunk he got and I think he accidentally lost your number-.”

  
“What.”

  
“-But he is still serious about the coaching, and um, seeing you I guess, although he can’t leave Japan right now for… reasons.” My mind was whirring with activity, happy to see Viktor eating up every word but unsure if my bull shitting was going too far. I’ve read JJxYuri metas that made more sense than this.

  
“Why didn’t he just contact me through my coach? Or my social media?” Viktor asked, doubt starting to creep back on his expression.

  
“Right, uh, he doesn’t really do social media,” I said, thinking back to the fact we never actually saw Yuuri’s social media name for sure. There were guesses about it being the odd number and letter name that had a picture of a wine bottle in the credits, but as Kubo sensei and Yamamoto sensei frequently do, it was left up to us to fill in the blanks.

  
“And… he’s super embarrassed,” I continued, trying to figure out the best way to lie about this. I mean, they would still find each other after the triplets put up the video of Yuuri skating Viktor’s program, but… What would I do? The light brought me here for a reason, and I didn’t really want to go wandering around Russia in my light sweater and dress trying to figure it out. I knew Yuri on Ice, I knew their stories, so I would just… join it.

  
Yeah. Because that makes about as much sense as everything else that was going on.

  
“In fact, he doesn’t even know I’m here, but he was super upset about how things turned out after the banquet, losing your number and the competition so I… Decided to come here and get you myself,” I finished, my voice squeaking towards the end. There’s no way he would believe that, I mean if Yuuri actually remembered he could’ve gotten Viktor’s number from someone else, Viktor didn’t think he would be that embarrassed, right? I’m screwed, this lie is going to get me killed-.

  
“Right, it all makes sense now,” Viktor said, halting my stream of thoughts.

  
“Huh?” I couldn’t help but be confused, wondering just how desperate Viktor was to see Yuuri again that he believed all that.

  
“I mean, I was thinking about trying to contact Yuuri’s coach to talk to him since I couldn’t find his social media, but I thought…” Viktor looked down, a flash of insecurity gone as soon as it had come, probably missed by most but I’ve re-watched YOI too many times to let a single detail of my favorite characters to pass by my eyes. “I just thought he wasn’t actually interested.”

  
“Ah, oh, wow, I’m sorry Viktor, he didn’t mean it like that at all,” I said, stomach sinking as I realized what he meant. Yuuri was pretty much the handsome bachelor that came to town in the Eros story, which meant Viktor was the heart broken woman Yuuri tossed aside.

  
As funny as the realization was in the show, I suppose it was probably pretty painful for Viktor before he saw the video and took it as Yuuri calling out to him.  
Damn it, Yuuri.

  
“Of course,” Viktor said, no sign of his pain from earlier in the smile he gave. Wow. He really did have a mask.

  
“A-anyways, so you just, uh, need to come to Japan to coach both of us,” I said, trying to give him my most reassuring smile, as if to get him to trust me that this wouldn’t be crazy, that this was a good idea.

  
“I’m still in season, though. I have a competition coming up soon,” Viktor told me, frowning as he brought a thoughtful hand to his face. He seriously was so beautiful. The shock from the reality of the situation was starting to wear off and my usual tendency to ugly cry whenever I saw something related to YOI began to itch.

  
“Er, maybe you can… retire early?” I suggested, looking away at the absurdity of the idea. I mean, this was a person that hadn’t actually said he would retire but there were a few AUs where Viktor retired for Yuuri, so at least in other fangirl’s minds he would do something like that. But having the very person in front of me, living and breathing… with his own life…

  
“Retire early? Why do you think I would retire?” Viktor asked, more curious than upset at my suggestion.

  
“Well, I mean, you’ve been winning gold medals for uh, five years now, right? It’s probably gotten a little.. stagnant? Maybe.. boring, right? You probably want to try something new, right?” Like learning about love and life, like falling in love, like getting a new lease on life. With Yuuri.

  
“Hmm.”

  
“A-and, well, it would just be a year off, until the next Grand Prix Final, a time to relax and try something new then doing one competition after another, right?” I said, feeling desperation crawling up again. What if I messed up everything? What if he thought I was crazy and decided to never meet Yuuri because of that and-.

  
“That certainly is an idea, isn’t it,” Viktor said, not completely disregarding it. “And you’re right, even if I hate to admit it, things have gotten a bit…. stagnant. Maybe taking up coaching will help.”

  
“Right?!”

  
“How will you pay, though? I’m not cheap,” Viktor said, a charming smile on his face. Shit.

  
Light? Any help? You son of a-.

  
“Um, put it on my tab?” I offered, not sure how I would even survive without a stable income.

  
“Tab?”

  
“Um, yeah, I kind of spent all my money getting here, so now.. I don’t have any. But like, I will definitely pay you back!” I said, knowing there was no way I could ever pay him back. Of course, I was already in debt from my student loans, how bad was a bit more? And it’s not like I really had a choice…

  
“Hmm, you know what? Let’s do this,” Viktor said, a certain giddiness to his voice. “Let’s go to Japan, I’ll become a coach for you two, and you can pay me back later. Let’s go now.”

So that’s how I found myself on a seven hour flight to Japan with Viktor mother fucking Nikiforvo, my ticket being added to my tab and an odd sense of calm settling over me in between bouts of ‘ _holy-shit-what-the-fuck-is-happening-fuck_ ’ that were swallowed down easily enough when I tried putting my mind onto figuring out how I was going to convince Yuuri to go along with us being friends.

  
Or maybe even what I was doing here in the first place when I should be back in Seattle, in the real world, getting ready to go to work tomorrow. Except this was 2012, wasn’t it?

  
Oh goodness, I didn’t even know the year.

 

\--- 

Where did she come from- Откуда она взялась?  
No idea. She just… appeared. - Без понятия. Она просто ... появилась.  
Excuse me? - Извините?  
What’s going on?! - Что происходит?!  
Who said you could take a break?! - Кто сказал, что вы могли бы сделать перерыв ?!


	2. Oh shit I meet Yuuri mother fucking Katsudon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where I meet Yuuri mother fucking Katsudon and Makkachin Makkapoops.

Okay, so we were around a month earlier than the story, but we still arrived in Japan with a flurry of snow in our wake. It was freezing, and I hated it, the snow outside crunching under my feet and soaking the bottom of the jeans Viktor was nice enough to put on my tab. I had to lie and say my suitcase and possessions were taken to explain the lack of… anything, and Viktor promised to buy me clothes in Japan, buying me some essentials to take on the plane.

  
All of which, on my tab.

  
We had left Russia almost immediately, Viktor packing a small suitcase and having professionals do the rest, shipping everything expedited. I knew he was rich, but it’s one thing to know it and another to see it first hand. Getting through airport security without a passport just added a bit more to my tab as Viktor slipped the guards a bit of rubles. Good thing he’s the one picking up my tab.

  
And then there was Makkachin. Oh my gosh. Makkachin. Even though Viktor’s beauty is stunning, the first time I started crying was when I saw Makkachin. He was just so cute, and soft, and I was already sad that we had to part ways on the plane ride. I loved Yuri on Ice, and I love animals, and Makkachin was both.

  
“So what is his favorite color?” Viktor asked as he flipped through the air mall magazine. The last few hours Viktor had just been trying to learn everything I knew about Yuuri, which I realized was pitifully little. I came up with the story that we went to college together in Detroit, where I was a friend but not part of his skating club.

  
Viktor didn’t seem to believe me when I said that I just skated as a hobby, but he didn’t press the issue. Apparently, and unsurprisingly, Yuuri was more of a priority.

  
“Um, I think, it’s blue?” I answered, thinking of Viktor’s blue eyes. I already told him about the posters Yuuri kept in his room, both in Detroit and at his home in Hasetsu, and that he used to practice Viktor’s routines as a child. His best friend is Phichit, and whatever else I could recall.

  
But it just didn’t seem like enough. He wanted to know _everything_. It was kind of getting annoying, to be honest, so I decided to fake being asleep on the taxi ride to the small town, thankful Viktor had the money to take one.

  
Makkachin was a warm comfort on my side, sitting mostly on Viktor but his legs stretched across my lap and I was more than happy to run my hands through the soft, brown curls.

  
Soon, we would be seeing Yuuri. Soon, I would have to figure out how to make it look like Yuuri and I were friends.

  
Haha. Well, I could do a quad, I could figure this out. Probably.

  
Hopefully.

  
It was as stressful as my last finals week, when all my classes decided to have their tests and my job decided that they didn’t want to pay another person to work with me so I was all alone at night, working for hours without a break when I had planned to study. But I lived through that, so I could live through this.

  
If anything, I already felt like Yuuri’s friend given how much time I’ve spent watching him. The fact he didn’t actually know me was just a small hitch.

  
“Hey, hey Eli! We’re here!” Viktor was shaking me, waking me up from sleep I didn’t realize I had actually drifted off into. It was still light outside, the snow brightly reflecting the sun’s glare even though the shadows were long. Makkachin hopped out the moment Viktor opened his door, and I followed soon after, if a bit groggier.  
Then I saw Yu-Topia, standing tall and real. A moment of panic flashed through me until I swallowed it down and went to the back of the taxi to help Viktor get the luggage. This was crazy, beyond crazy, but since I was here I suppose I could enjoy it.

  
Right, this was probably every fangirl’s dream after all, here in her favorite show with her favorite characters with the magical ability to skate like they do-.

  
“Eli?”

  
“Yes?!” I shot up, my thoughts broken as I saw Viktor waiting impatiently with his suitcase.

  
“Right, sorry,” I said, quickly grabbing my own suitcase and joining him, stealing a glance at the man as we walked up the steps.

  
He was glowing, a smile lighting up his face as if he was coming home, even though he had never been to Yu-topia- at least, not yet. It was so different from any of the other smiles he wore around me, but of course, this smile wasn’t for me. No, it was for Yuuri.

  
“They have outdoor baths here, right? I think I’m going to go for a soak first. That flight wore me out,” Viktor said, handing me his suitcase, “Watch Makkachin and my luggage, alright? When my other stuff gets here just help them bring it to my room, okay?”

  
I nodded dumbly as I took his suitcase and entered the Onsen with him, Makkachin at my side. Viktor looked around and deflated a little, probably because Yuuri was no where in sight, before brightening up as Toshio, Yuuri’s dad, came over to us.

  
His English was broken and hard to understand, but Viktor didn’t seem to care, first asking where Yuuri was and then wanting to use the baths. Toshio didn’t seem to completely understand what Viktor was saying, but nodded and laughed all the same, directing him towards the baths after Viktor made a couple of interesting gestures for bathing.

  
“Don’t forget to take Makkachin out to the bathroom and clean up after him! There’s doggie bags in my suitcase’s front pocket!” Viktor called out to me before disappearing with Toshio. I stood in the entry way, Makkachin at my side, torn between being pissed and amazed.

  
As happy as I was to be here, in this place that shouldn’t actually exist, and as grateful as I was to Viktor for going along with my ridiculous idea, the way Viktor just left me with everything as he went to relax in the baths kind of pissed me off.

  
Well, I guess he did buy me new clothes… and a plane ticket… and some food…

  
Still.

  
Neither of Yuuri’s parents were in sight so I put our suitcases near the entrance, hopefully out of the way, and took Makkachin outside, after grabbing the doggy bags, of course.

  
It was still chilly, but the coat Viktor got me in Russia was keeping in the warmth well enough. It didn’t protect my nose or ears, though, and it wasn’t long before the nose drips started while my poor ears burned from the cold.

  
“C’mon Makkachin, do the do,” I whispered, trying to keep an eye on where Makkachin was going to commit the deed while also taking in everything around me.  
I had been to Japan once before, in a small town by the beach, but Hasetsu was completely different. Or, at least, this Onsen was. It was super traditional, a garden and trail wrapping around the large building with scenery that made me wonder why it wasn’t in the show. Fingers itching to take a photo, I caught sight of steam rising from a section that was cleverly fenced off with plants hiding the wood.

  
Ah, so that must be where the hot springs is. It looks so warm…

  
“EHH??!” Both Makkachin and I startled at the noise, which was followed by someone running through the house.

  
Yuuri. He was going to the hot springs.

  
Glancing over at Makkachin, who had gone back to indecisively sniffing a section of grass, I decided to fuck it and quickly tip toed through the garden to get to the fence. Luckily, I found a small hole that was hiding behind a tree and squeezed my head through so I could see the scene play out myself.

  
Wait, shouldn’t I have told Yuuri we were friends before he ever got to talk to Viktor?

  
Oh, he’s coming through the door. Too late for that now.

  
“Viktor? What are you doing here?” His expression was priceless, a twist between bewilderment and amazement with a nice serving of terror on top. Aw. I was starting to cry again.

  
And then Viktor stood up, and I realized I was actually really close to the water, and more importantly, now Viktor’s glorious ass.

  
That thing wasn’t drawn; it was sculpted by the Gods themselves.

  
“Yuuri!” My heart nearly stopped at the familiar name that just seemed to roll off of Viktor’s tongue, the thought that I was in a horrible position to be found in nothing compared to the overwhelming feelings I was currently experiencing at seeing their ‘first’ meeting play out in front of me.

  
Viktor offered out a hand to Yuuri, still super naked, his muscles flexing in the most distracting ways with his movement. I almost felt bad for Yuuri, who was getting the full frontal treatment.

  
Or jealous. I couldn’t decide.

  
“Starting today, I’ll be your coach, and I’ll help you win gold at the Grand Prix Final!”

  
Ah, the words echoed through the area, carrying on with a gust of air that was warm and comforting. Yes, Viktor believed in Yuuri, much more than Yuuri believed in himself, and not just for his moves on a pole. At least, I hoped not. They never actually said that Viktor looked up Yuri’s other routines and such after the banquet, but… He didn’t seem like he would just fly to Russia with a random American girl that could possible be a spy for another ice skating team on said possible spy’s word that Yuuri wanted him there….

  
Right?

  
Shit. Right?!

  
Makkachin barked, startling me out of my peeping hole spot just as I heard what caught her attention. Voices of other people nearby that were getting closer.  
Shaking, I ungracefully leapt through the dirt and back onto the path, trying to wear my most innocent smile as the two random people walked by.  
Cold sweat dripped down my back as I felt their gaze on me. Why were they staring?? Did they see me? Did they-.

  
oh, Makkachin Makkapooped.

  
I got the bag out, ready to play my role in this reality.

 

As soon as I disposed of the baggie, I headed back inside, heart pounding as I thought of meeting Yuuri for the first time. My peeping tom skills weren’t the best, and although I got to see the hilarious reaction he had at Viktor’s stunts, I had yet to see him up close. I mean, he wasn’t said to be the number one hottest bachelor in the world like Viktor, but I mean, I watched his Eros performances. It was a cartoon, but he’s definitely got something going; I’m not blind.

  
Makkachin happily rushed inside as soon as I opened the door, bounding over to Viktor, who was sitting at one of the tables and happily eating. My own stomach grumbled, wondering if he had ordered any for me.

  
I took off my shoes and exchanged them for slippers, walking over to join Viktor until I realized who he was sitting across from.

  
Yuuri mother fucking Katsuki. God damn. My heart stopped for a moment as I tried not to ugly cry, but it was a very near thing.

  
His glasses were huge, shining brighter than my future with reflections from the ceiling lights. He wasn't eating with Viktor, instead just awkwardly sitting there, watching him, looking extremely uncomfortable.

  
I bit my lip to hold back the tears, taking in Yuuri’s form.

  
“So… fat…”

  
My hand flew to my mouth as I realized I voiced my inner love for Yuuri’s beginning metamorphosis, the chubbiness of his cheeks fluffier than any marshmallow, and his clothes stretching tight around thick thighs.

  
Thighs that could still probably crush my head.

  
Oh, they’re looking at me now.

  
“Eli!”

  
“Who-?!” I ran to Yuuri’s side before he could finish speaking, throwing an arm around his shoulder and not missing the way he tensed up.

  
“Yuuri! It’s been so long! How was the trip from Detroit?! I know you said I could come to your place in Japan at anytime but sorry I didn’t give you a head’s up about this,” I told him, hoping he got the idea. He turned his head towards me, eyebrows pinched together, but perhaps he had dealt with so much already with Viktor’s sudden appearance that he didn’t say anything.

  
“Right, you must be shocked about our sudden appearance, since I didn’t tell you about it,” I said, wondering if Viktor was buying any of this bull shit. I couldn’t bring myself to look over at him right now. Besides, Yuuri was on my side! I could smell him! He smells like… soap, I guess.

  
Aaand now I was smelling him. He shrugged me off, and I let him. My inner fangirl was being very difficult at the moment.

  
“Ahh, that was good!” Viktor said, stretching happily as his robe loosely hung from his body. I didn’t miss Yuuri’s face growing red and looked back to see Viktor wearing a small smirk. That sneaky little- oh right, he still thinks Yuuri remembers the banquet… Hm.

  
Without hesitating, Viktor laid down with Makkachin at his side and began to sleep, the robe inconspicuously open, displaying his chest. The blush on Yuuri deepened.

Nice, Viktor, nice.

  
Yuuri turned towards me.

  
“So, um, who are-.”

  
“Yuuri! I have so much I want to share with you! Can we go to your room to talk?” I was already getting up, pulling Yuuri along with me. He frowned but followed me as I left the main room, where Viktor was ‘sleeping’.

  
“Who are you?” He asked as soon as we were at a reasonable distance away.

  
“Haha, sure you don’t want to go to your room first-.”

  
“I’m not sure if I want you to stay here, because you’re obviously lying about something…” Yuuri said, his blush dying down as he turned to face me, no longer the nearly melted marshmallow he seemed to be around Viktor.

  
“Right. Yes, no, um, you’re absolutely right,” I said, putting my hands together in something like a prayer as I tried to figure out what to say, tapping my fingers to my mouth. “This is something I need to tell you. It’s important, very important.”

  
4+ years of college and my level of bull shitting was supposed to be at a 4.0 GPA level, yet here I was repeating words with the frequency of a drowning fish.

“What’s your name?” Yuuri asked, obviously getting tired of dealing with me already.

  
“Eli,” I replied, sighing, “I’m from the US, around Seattle, and I’m a music student.” There, that wasn’t so bad. Just the usual I tell people to give them the run down of who I am.

  
“I… I ice skate as a hobby, although I want to seriously train now… I guess. So I asked Viktor to coach me and you, since you like him, er, his work,” I said, somehow starting to feel small under Yuuri’s stare, which was just getting more incredulous as he crossed his arms and frowned at me.

  
“That makes no sense… I’ve never met you before, how do you so much about me? Why are you pretending to know me?!”

  
“Uh…” My mind was going warp speed now, trying to piece this together in a way that didn’t get me kicked out before I could see eros Yuuri in person. “Interviews! You’ve talked about how much Viktor inspires you, and one of your bios mentioned you training at the college in Detroit."

  
“But why on earth did you pretend to be my friend and bring… Viktor, five time world champion, here?”

  
“Oh, well.” _Shitshitshitshitshit_. “Because, because I…” Think Eli, think, why would I do that? Why would I do something that is clearly insane? But then… Viktor moving here after just one day was pretty insane, wasn’t it? Why did he? For love? For a booty call? Why was I doing this? Because a light told me too?

  
No. Because I had my own love for the series, for the characters, for the story, for everything they went through, that, as part of the fandom, I went through with them.

  
Even though this made no sense, even though I had no idea if I was missing in my own life right now, losing hours at work or classes at school; I was here, alongside my favorite characters before they went through a beautiful and emotional journey that I will remember for years after I finally get over the -slight- obsession I’ve grown for it.

  
It was the first fandom I was seriously a part of, the first characters I’ve felt such a connection to, and now I was here, granted the opportunity to share it with them.

  
There was no way I would let that slip past. Yuuri took all the opportunities that came to him, and so would I.

  
Even if I meant I might have to spin the truth slightly.

  
“Because I think you’re an amazing skater, Yuuri,” I began, finally meeting Yuuri’s eyes, “I’ve been watching you skate ever since you started, and you never cease to amaze me.”

  
It was hard not to notice the way Yuuri’s eyebrows shot up, but I kept going.

  
“When I… heard the rumors you might be thinking about retirement, I knew I had to do something… So I figured that the person you’ve looked up to all your life is the only one who can help.”

  
Yuuri’s mouth was open, silence filling the empty hallway. That was good, right? Did I miss any of the other lies I’ve been building on? Did I go too far?

  
“But… Why? I’m really not that good, there’s tons of other much more talented and younger skaters out there. I don’t know what kind of crazy story you told Viktor to get here, but he didn’t even see me as a competitor the last time I was in a competition with him. I… don’t deserve him.”

  
Did you know that the sound of a heart shattering into millions of pieces is completely and utterly silent? Because I thought my heart shattered on episode 7, first in a bad and then a good way, but this…

  
This was something else.

  
“Yuuri…”

  
“Yuuri!” A rather loud voice from the main room rang through the halls, and probably the entire building, making both Yuuri and I jump.

  
“Minako-sensei!” Yuuri said before running back towards the main room, leaving me alone. Well, except for the semi-naked guy that just came out from the baths, but that’s besides the point.

  
Slowly, I walked after him, listening to the two talking in hushed voices, my sad amount of Japanese unable to understand more than a word or two passed between them.

  
Of course, that didn’t really matter, given that I already watched the scene with subs and dubs. I doubt my presence changed the conversation much, if at all.

  
Peeking my head into the main room, I stayed back, not quite sure what to do with myself. Minako-sensei, another beautiful person in this world that seriously already had too many irrationally good looking people, was looking between Yuuri and the sleeping form of Viktor while looking almost as panicked as Yuuri did.

  
I couldn’t help but notice that Viktor had turned over so that his chest wasn’t exposed anymore. Cold? Hmm… My eyes shifted back towards Minako.

  
“Ah, Eli,” Yuuri looked back, finding me in my slightly stalker-ish position in the doorway, hesitating a moment before motioning me over. He said something in Japanese to Minako as I sat down on one of the pillows, my legs protesting the kneeling position I copied from Yuuri.

  
“Hello,” Minako said, looking me over with tight lips.

  
“Hey,” I struggled out, swallowing hard with attention now placed on me. I mean, Minako was a world-famous ballet dancer before, and now here I was, talking to her. Well, and she’s supposedly fictional as well, but at this point that sort of thinking seems moot.

  
“A-choo!” My heart nearly stopped as Yuuri jumped at the sudden noise that was more adorable than I thought a grown man could justifiably create.

  
“я голоден. Hungry,” Viktor came up, his voice sleepy and silver hair falling in all directions.

  
“A-ah, really?” Yuuri snapped to attention, fidgeting all around, his nervousness almost a tangible force in the room. “U-um, what would you like to eat?”

  
Minako whispered something in Japanese but all of Viktor’s focus was on Yuuri.

  
“As your coach, I’d like to know what your favorite food is, Yuuri,” Viktor’s voice was low and mischievous, as if to supply the joke of using his ‘coach’ status to get to know Yuuri better. Yuuri simply stared, lips parted as the blush that was starting to become a permanent look for him spread to his ears.

  
Of course, I couldn’t blame him. I was staring too.

  
Then he stood straight up, asking us to wait a moment as he ran towards the back.

  
“So… Hello,” Minako said, looking at Viktor with a sideways glance at myself. I felt kind of like I was intruding.

  
“Hello,” Viktor cooly replied, his earlier flirty-ness gone with Yuuri. “It’s nice to meet you…?”

  
“Minako, nice to meet you,” Minako said, holding out a hand for Viktor, who took it with a polite shake. “I’m Yuuri’s ballet teacher.”

  
“Right, of course you are.”

  
“And this is…?” Minako looked over towards me, and I tensed under the attention that was now on me.

  
“Eli, my other student, apparently. She’s the one that convinced me to come here in the first place,” Viktor said, his eyes drifting towards the door Yuuri left in.

  
“Um, nice to meet you, I love your work!” I told Minako, feeling more than out of my element. As much as I enjoyed watching the show, I was starting to learn that actually being there was an entirely different thing. Like Viktor’s cold-ish personality, which only seemed to melt when Yuuri was present.

  
Or perhaps it was just because of his jealousy towards Minako and Yuuri’s relationship he didn’t know about.

  
“Thank you, although it’s been years since I’ve been on stage. What productions did you see?” Shit. Fuck. I can’t say I meant her work with Yuuri…

  
“Um, I’m not sure what it was called, but when I was looking into Yuuri’s skating I happened to find some of your productions online… Sorry I don’t remember the names,” I said, as cold sweat trailed down my back, hoping she would take that sorry excuse.

  
“Ah, really?” She replied, her shoulders falling a little before moving on. “How long have you been skating?”

  
Why was she asking me that?? Oh, probably because I was easier to talk to and about compared to the celebrity mindlessly rubbing his dog’s belly across the table.

“Uhh, my whole life, I guess. Just as a hobby, though,” I said, sticking with my lie.

  
“Oh?” Minako said, looking over at Viktor before continuing. “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you ask Viktor to come here?”

  
In the corner of my eyes, Viktor tensed up a little, but other than that didn’t join in the conversation.

  
“That’s no problem, a good question to ask, really,” I said, mouth drying. “I’m actually… a friend of Yuuri’s, from Detroit!”

  
“You went to school with him?”

  
“Ah yeah, but I wasn’t in the skating club, I was just a music student.” And hopefully that would explain why Yuuri has never talked about me. At all. Or ever.

“Hmm,” Minako said, obviously not impressed with that answer but thankfully not pressing the subject any further. “What kind of music?”

  
“A mixture of classical and modern pop theory,” I replied, happy to be talking about something I actually knew. “I’m more geared towards pop music, but I really enjoy classical too.”

  
Minako’s eyebrows went up, a small smile playing and soon I found myself lost in conversation about the romantic and baroque periods and the masterpieces they produced.

  
It wasn’t until Viktor perked up when Yuuri came back with a tray of food that we stopped, the delicious smell of food distracting me.

  
A large bowl was set down in front of Viktor and, to my surprise, a smaller one was placed in front of me as well. I looked up to see Hiroko, Yuuri’s mom, smiling brightly at me. My heart almost gave out.

  
“Wow! Amazing!” Viktor was back to his happy self, looking at the food through his phone’s camera before picking up his chopsticks to dig in.

  
Yuuri’s mom said something in Japanese as she pointed our bowls, but I only caught the word ‘katsudon’. Oh shit, a real katsudon. Right in front of me.

  
My mouth watered even though I hadn’t touched meat in over two years. Fuck.

  
Pork. Those poor pigs. Dead meat.

  
But katsudon.

  
Fuck it, this wasn’t a real place anyways, even though it felt unnecessarily real at times. Grabbing the wooden chopsticks I picked up my own piece of pork and ate, the flavors melting on my tongue.

  
_Fuck_.

  
If I hadn’t already been transported into another reality, I would’ve thought this taste could do just that.

  
Viktor was pretty much having his own mouth orgasm across the table as Minako and Yuuri watched, Hiroko skipping away with delight at our enjoyment.

  
Yuuri looked pleased with himself, the blush returning. With the taste of katsudon in my mouth and the marshmallow Katsudon being happy that Viktor was happy…  
I was pretty sure I could die without regrets, now. Screw student loans.

  
“Yuuri gains weight easily, so he was only allowed to eat it when he won a competition, right?” Minako said, looking over at Yuuri with a smirk on her face. I just continued to stuff my face.

  
Viktor paused, a seemingly innocent smile on his face as he looked over at Yuuri. “Have you eaten this katsudon recently?”

  
“Yes, yes, I eat it often,” Yuuri replied, not knowing what his answer would get him. I flinched, knowing that Katsudon smile was about to be taken by a slightly jealous Russian.

  
“Why?” Viktor asked, smiling wide. “You haven’t won anything. With that pig’s body of yours, lessons would be meaningless.”

  
Yuuri’s smile disappeared under embarrassed confusion as he tried to hide his body, but Viktor kept going.

  
“You need to get back to your weight at last year’s Grand Prix Final, at the very least, or I can never teach you,” Viktor said, narrowing his eyes at Yuuri while wearing a blinding smile. “Until then, no more katsudon.”

  
He popped a few bits of katsudon flavored rice in his mouth as if to tease Yuuri, a sadistic look flashing that promised he would try to eat katsudon in front of Yuuri as often as possible.

  
“Okay, little piggie?” As the finishing blow landed, Yuuri got up, looking dazed and confused, speaking in Japanese to himself before Mari popped around the corner, pointing at something behind her.

  
“Hey, this luggage is in the way,” she said, in only slightly accented English. I blinked, not realizing she could speak English. I guess she did talk to Yurio that one time? Well that might make it a bit easier.

  
“Can you take it to the room where I’ll be staying?” Viktor asked as Makkachin hung off his shoulders.

  
Yuuri and Minako shot each other a confused expression and exchanging a few words in Japanese, Mari joining in as they both glanced at us.

  
“She can sleep in a closet if needed,” Viktor happily replied, pointing to me with that stupid smile on his face. Was he always like this?

  
I wanted to object, but c’mon, I was supposed to be Yuuri’s friend. I couldn’t make any sort of fuss or bring attention to myself in case that topic came up, so I swallowed down any complaints.

  
“Oh, and she can help around the Onsen in exchange for staying here, as well,” Viktor added, turning his million dollar smile on me. “Students shouldn’t slack off, right?”

  
“R-right,” I said, my teeth grinding together as I forced the ends of my lips up for something that resembled a smile.

  
“Great, you and Yuuri can move these boxes, then,” Mari said, already leaving with a ‘ganbar-e’ (Japanese for good luck…) tossed over her shoulder.

  
“Wow, would you look at the time? I should be going,” Minako said, already putting on her shoes. “Nice meeting you Victor, Eli. Have a good night.”

  
Yuuri looked over at the door, Viktor, and then to the boxes before sighing and heading over to them.

  
“What are you waiting for? Time to start learning,” Viktor said, motioning to the room full of boxes.

  
Biting my tongue, I nodded and smiled, leaving my half eaten katsudon of heaven to help Yuuri out.

  
Oh my. Why did he have so many boxes?? Did they pack everything from his apartment??!

  
Sighing, I bent down to get the nearest box, quickly catching up to Yuuri.

  
It’s not like it’s anything new, I guess. Growing up on a ranch I had to work everyday before and after school, skipping club meet ups or hanging out with friends if my family needed extra help.

  
And then I’ve had plenty of other jobs throughout high school and college, so it shouldn’t be too hard to start working here. The language barrier might be a challenge, though. At least it was warm. No problem. I mean, I was working in a fictional reality that I had only dreamed about for months but no problem.

  
By the time we finished moving the boxes I was sweating and breathing hard, ready to collapse. Yuuri, the fucking master of stamina, just looked at me with pity.

“You alright?” He asked as Viktor looked at the boxes.

  
“F-fine,” I gasped, trying to force myself to breath normally in order to preserve the shreds of my dignity.

  
“Hmm, if you say so,” Yuuri said, cracking a small smile.

  
“Wow!” Viktor said, stretching as he brought attention back to himself, “What a classic, tiny room.”

  
Viktor…

  
“Is there a sofa?”

  
“Sorry, no,” Yuuri replied, fidgeting with his hands. Recognizing the scene about to play out, I took my share of the futon bedding we brought up and headed over to the small closet, keeping one ear on the conversation.

  
“I’m sorry it’s so small,” Yuuri started, “We only had an unused banquet room available.”

  
My heart stopped for a moment, I spun around, just barely hanging onto the bedding. Crap! I forgot Yuuri mentions the banquet room, what if Viktor brings up the party and confuses Yuuri-.

  
“You look anxious,” he said, his smooth voice practically purring the words as he winked at Yuuri. Oh.

  
“You can pay the coaching fee after you achieve success! I’ll bill you later,” Viktor said, looking almost proud of himself from the glimpse I caught between boxes. Wow. That was a close one. Now if they could just stay on script for the rest of the time I’m here…

  
Wait, if they stay on script… then the next thing…

  
My face got hot as I shifted further past the mountain of boxes into my closet. I should give them some privacy, I mean, I want their relationship to develop like it should, because it’s beautiful and perfect and everything that’s right in the world, but it would be weird if I just kind of watched, right?

  
At least, that’s what I was thinking while my body started creeping back towards the two of them, staying out of sight behind the boxes as I peeked over.

  
“Let’s build some trust in our relationship.” Viktor wasn’t touching Yuuri, but he was close, leaning in and invading Yuuri’s personal bubble in a way I knew he wouldn’t be comfortable with… Although Viktor thought he still remembered, and probably figured Yuuri, the guy who dry humped someone who was basically a stranger, wouldn’t have such boundaries.

  
Yuuri quickly shuffled back, putting distance between them.

  
“S-sorry, I’m tired, I think I’ll go get ready to sleep now,” Yuuri said, excusing himself with a good night to both Viktor and myself before practically running away.

“Hmm…” Viktor tapped a finger to his lips, looking deep in thought.

  
And then turned around to where I was, narrowing his eyes even as his mouth smiled.

  
“I wonder if you can get your own room, somewhere else.”

  
“Viktor!” My hand shot up to my mouth, both in surprise at my outburst and shocked at what Victor suggested. I mean, I can understand why, but still. God damn Viktor, don’t be so thirsty.

  
“What? Also, do you know if he’s okay? I know you said he’s really embarrassed about the banquet but it’s almost like he doesn’t even remember-.”

  
“Ahh, no, he’s just so embarrassed that he’s pretending it didn’t happen,” I said, flailing my hands about. “He told me he was really happy you came, though! He’s just having a hard time accepting that you actually… came here for him. He’s been really down in the dumps.”

  
“Oh…” Viktor said, frowning at the ground for a second before looking back up with shining eyes. “But you said he’s happy I’m here? Really?”

  
Smiling, I remembered the scene in episode two where Yuuri was in bed, blushing like a tomato with an infectious smile and eyes big, thinking about how happy he must be with his heart pounding so hard.

  
“Yeah, he really is.”

  
Viktor beamed, the first real smile he’s directed at me since I met him, nearly knocking me off my feet.

  
“Ah~ is that so? I wonder if he’ll let me sleep with him tonight.”

  
“ _Viktor!_ ”

 

  
After setting up our beds and convincing Victor that Yuuri would not want to sleep with him tonight, I went down the hall to talk to the man in question. I mean, his room was literally right next to Victor’s, so close I had to wonder if Mari set him there on purpose, but it made it easy to keep from getting lost.

  
“Yuuri?” I said as I knocked on the door, shifting from foot to foot nervously. We had talked a bit in the hallway while Viktor was ‘asleep’ before, but I hadn’t really been able to talk to him yet.

  
“Eli?” He asked from inside the room. Confirming it, I heard the door click and Yuuri stood in the doorway.

  
Ah, from here I can see just how much taller he is compared to me. Hm.

  
“What?” He asked, pushing up his glasses as he stared down at me, hair mussed and pajamas on.

  
“Um, well, could we possibly talk in your room?” I asked, looking at the literally paper thin doors that lead to Viktor’s room.

  
Sighing, Yuuri opened up the door a bit more, allowing me access.

  
I couldn’t help but inwardly laugh, knowing I got in Yuuri’s room the first time I asked while Victor didn’t. Heh.

  
“Sorry it’s a bit of a mess, but I wasn’t really expecting… anyone,” Yuuri said as I stepped in. My eyes immediately went to the posters he still had up around his room, where Viktor was posing and looking more like a model than an ice skater.

  
“Ah!” Yuuri quickly caught onto what I was looking at, standing in front of me to block my sight. “Please don’t tell Viktor!”

  
I almost let it out that he already knew about all the posters, although seeing them all covering his room wall to wall was kind of amazing. Plus, pictures of real life model Viktor posing for the camera.

  
“N-no worries. If anything, I, uh, think he would be pleased,” I said. Yuuri simply sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat back on his bed, gesturing towards the chair at his desk for me.

  
“Sure, okay. What did you want to talk about?” Yuuri asked.

  
Quelling down the sudden urge to pinch his marshmallow cheeks before they were lost to Viktor’s training, I sat down and turned towards him.

  
“Um, so, I know we kind of talked about who I am but I think we should be on the same page so Viktor doesn’t get suspicious…” I started, thoughts on how I would do this still forming as I talked.

  
“Hmm… ” Yuuri didn’t say anything, instead he just leaned in with his hands on his knees, entirely focused on me.

  
Holy crap I’m talking to Katsudon Yuuri and I’m in his room with posters of Viktor and I’m sleeping in Viktor’s closet and he’s a bit of an ass but look at that beautiful cinnamon roll in front-.

  
“Er, of course. Right,” I said, trying to break out of my own thoughts, “See, I told him that we were friends from your college in Detroit, that we went to school together but I wasn’t part of the skating club, since he could look up photos of that or ask Phichit about me.”

  
“You know Phichit?” Yuuri balked, eyebrows raised.

  
“U-uh, of course! I follow him on Instagram, where he posts about the skating club sometimes,” I said, hoping there was truth to that statement and Phichit really did post as much as the fandom assumed.

  
“Oh right, he does that a lot,” Yuuri muttered, blinking for a second before looking back up. “So if anyone asks, I’ll just say we became friends in college? I don’t know about this, lying to Viktor…”

  
“D-don’t worry about it!” I said, waving my hands around. “I doubt this will ever actually come up, you know? So just don’t even think about it. If the truth does come out, I’ll take full responsibility- it was my idea anyways!”

  
I laughed, but Yuuri was still frowning. Damn his sense of justice.

  
“Look, Yuuri,” I said, trying to be as serious as possible. “I’m sorry I put you in this position, but I wouldn’t be doing any of this if I didn’t believe in you. Please don’t feel bad about this, but just… focus on doing what you do best. Skating.”

  
Yuuri stared at me for a few moments, regarding me with an expression I couldn’t decipher.

  
“What about you? You said you study music but now you’re going into ice skating?” Yuuri asked, looking older than I remember.

  
“Um, yeah, I guess so. I guess you could say I’m indecisive,” I replied, scratching the back of my head as I laughed, hoping it was enough.

  
“Can you play the piano?” He asked, head tilting towards the keyboard he had up against the wall behind some books.

  
“Well, it was required to take a year of it, so yeah, I can play some,” I said, shifting in my seat.

  
“Do you not like it?” He asked. What was this? 20 questions? Since when was Yuuri so assertive? Did this marshmallow only melt when Viktor was around?

  
“No, no, I do, I’m just… not very good,” I said, trying to smile it off. Honestly, I only got into music when I was 16. Growing up on a ranch I didn’t really watch TV or listen to anything on the radio except for what my parents put on. It wasn’t until I discovered pop music in carpool rides to college that I realized how amazing it was, bringing the people who rode together out of necessity to people I’m still friends with even though life took us in very different directions.

  
But when I changed majors to music two years in to my college career, I realized just how little I actually knew about music, every other first year already able to play an instrument or two.

  
“That’s okay, everyone starts somewhere,” Yuuri said, smiling. “I hope to hear you play one day.”

  
Damn. This ray of light. This God sent ray of light was trying to cheer me up what the hell he’s only a year older than me. Damn. I was blushing. Yuuri mother fucking Katsuki made me blush.

  
“Maybe,” I replied, my throat somehow tighter than usual.

  
“Wow!” I said, looking at my watch-less wrist. “Would you look at the time, I think I should get to my closet!”

  
I shot up faster than most rockets, stiffly going to his door.

  
“See you tomorrow, Eli,” Yuuri said, as my hand landed on the knob. “Good night.”

  
Ah, wow, Viktor, you better treat him good.

  
“Good night!”

  
I ran back to Viktor’s room, half expecting him to be asleep but not surprised when I saw him awake, sitting up in his bed with Makkachin at his side.

  
“What happened? What did he say? Did he say anything about me?” Viktor asked, eyes lighting up.

  
“Uh,” I intelligently replied. “We were just catching up…”

  
Ah, the light in his eyes dimmed.

  
“Oh? Well, I won’t hold you up,” Viktor said, itching a spot on Makkachin’s back, looking down. “We can unpack tomorrow, Eli. Good night.”

  
It was only slightly awkward as I walked around his bed and the boxes to my own spot in the closet, half-assedly shucking off my clothes before collapsing in the futon.  
It’s the first night since I’ve been here, since I woke up in this world. There was a part of me that was worried about my world, with my friends and family, if I was missing there and they were looking for me. If I was losing money by missing the classes I’ve already put myself further in debt for, or being fired for not showing up at work.

  
But there was another part of me, a bigger part, that was so happy to get away from that. The stress and responsibilities and uncertainty of my future. Not knowing if I was good enough to even get a job that would pay for all the debt I was in, or if I would have to move back home and work on the ranch instead, losing whatever independence I had gained in my years away. It was the thing I fear the most... But here, I didn’t have to worry about that.

  
Here, I knew what was going to happen. I knew what beautiful and amazing things would happen with Viktor and Yuuri, together and on their own.

  
I didn’t know why I was here, or what that light really wanted from me, but I was going to make the most of my stay here, and make sure Yuuri and Viktor get everything they deserve.

  
Closing my eyes, I let the mind-numbing tiredness take over, not realizing just how much I had gone through in the last day. As I drifted off, a few chords started to play, soon doing arpeggios and then a melody falling on top, taking me to my dreams.

 ---

 

я голоден- I’m starving


	3. Uh-oh, Yurio wants to kill me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still going strong.  
> Viktor has put me to work and Yurio wants to kill me!  
> Hahaha.  
> I understand his feelings...

“Rise and shine!” Viktor unceremoniously snapped open my closet door, letting in an agonizing amount of light with his ridiculously high energy. “Take out Makkachin while I make sure Yuri’s awake, alright?”

  
With that, Makkachin ran into my bed, impatiently licking and scratching me as if she knew just how to wake me up.

  
“Alright, alright, I’m awake,” I told her, sitting up and laughing as I gave Makkachin a belly rub. Viktor only gave me a mischievous grin before heading off, nearly skipping out of his room. I was half dressed when I heard Yuuri shriek. Guess he was awake, then.

 

I didn’t have any exercise clothes, so I was borrowing some of Viktor’s, although from the way he looked between me and Yuuri before we set off I could tell he wished Yuuri was the one wearing his clothes. They were huge on me, but even with Yuuri’s extra weight they would still be a bit too big, at least length wise.

  
And then there was Yuuri, still blushing from Viktor’s early morning visit, where he had to take down his posters while half asleep after Viktor almost pushed his way into his room.

  
As much as I loved the two guys, I was starting to realize my role as a third wheel in this adventure. Looking down at the dog by my side, wagging her tail at my attention; at least I had Makkachin.

  
Then Viktor rode off on his bike and Makkachin took off after him. Ah, my love.

 

The run was torture. Pure, unadulterated, torture. I lost all regards for taking care of Viktor’s clothes, hating him enough for doing this to us that I didn’t care how I was soaking his clothes with my sweat. Yuuri was having some trouble, being overweight, but not nearly on the same level of near death I felt.

  
Even though I could see bits of Hasetsu looking beautiful around me, my vision was tunneling, only able to focus on what was right in front of me, of taking just one more step. I was no athlete, and the stupid ball of light might’ve given me the ability to skate but they sure as hell didn’t give me an athlete’s body. I spent all my time at a computer, working on music, not running for fun. Who even did that? I mean, my dad did, but I’m pretty sure he’s crazy.

  
I could clean out paddocks all afternoon, but running was definitely a weakness.

  
By the time we got to Ice castle, I simply collapsed onto the ground, wondering what would happen if I died in this place. Would I wake up back in my own world, or would that just be it? Frankly, being the pile of disgusting sweat soaked clothes on the ground that I was, I didn’t really care either way. As long as we didn’t have to run anymore.

  
“Eli? Are you okay?” Yuuri asked as Viktor talked to the Nishigoris, concern etched in his face.

  
“Yeah, totally fine,” I told him, waving a hand up from my spot on the floor. It would probably take a spatula to get me off the floor at this point.

  
Viktor started skating around the rink while everyone watched. I was grateful for the break, so I didn’t complain.

  
“Yuuri, why aren’t you skating?” Nishigori asked (in English, thankfully) as Yuuko told off the triplets for trying to record Viktor. They were adorable, but the mischievous glint in their eyes could be seen from a mile away.

  
“Ah, well, Viktor said that I have to get down to my weight from last year’s Grand Prix Final first,” Yuuri replied, a tight smile on his face.

  
“Oh? Then what about you, Eli? Aren’t you his student, too?” I perked up at my name, but it took a moment for me to remember what he was talking about. Right, I could skate here.

  
“That’s right, Eli, you should get your skates,” Yuuri said, smiling at me. “Didn’t Viktor bring them in his bag?” He started going towards the backpack Viktor left on the side of the rink.

  
“A-ah, no, that’s okay, I… like using rental skates,” I said, blushing as everyone looked at me in surprise.

  
“What? Aren’t you a professional ice skater?” Yuuko asked, holding one of the triplets.

  
“Don’t you have your own pair?” Yuuri asked in disbelief.

  
“Hobbiest, remember?” I said, stiffly laughing as if this was completely normal. The others looked at each other and seemed to silently agree not to push the topic any further. Well, that’s helpful.

  
I got a pair of rental skates from Yuuko, who looked a little worried but didn’t say anything. It was hard not to feel everyone’s eyes on me as I stepped up to the rink, and a familiar pool of anxiety started to well up in my stomach.

  
No worries, Eli, I can skate here for some reason. No matter that I’ve fallen more times then I had fingers on my hands in the two times I went ice skating in the real world, this ice was more forgiving.

  
Closing my eyes, I took a step forward, unable to breath as the blade touched down on the cold surface. Pushing forward, I glided effortlessly across the slippery ground.

Oh good, I can still skate for whatever reason.

  
“Eli! You’ve decided to join me,” Viktor said, skating past me with a carefree smile on his face. On the ice, Viktor was almost glowing, looking completely in his element. I had never seen a ice skater up close before, and watching him fly over the ice, I realized just how beautiful he really was.

  
“Are you going to stand there all day or actually do something?” Viktor asked as he skated past before doing some sort of amazing looking jump. Was it a triple? a quad? How could anyone count those rotations when they were going faster than me when I was going home to watch a new Yuri on Ice episode.

  
Pushing off the ice, I went forward, my balance somehow impeccable as my muscles worked like they’ve been practicing for years. It was nice, easy, and relaxing not being the usual tense ball of falling anxiety I usually was on ice.

  
“Stop being lazy, Eli, and start doing some warm ups,” Viktor chastised, stopping by me with his skates kicking up some ice.

  
“Of course,” I replied, starting to go forward until I realized something. “Wait, what are warm ups?”

  
Everything got kind of quiet, in the rink and out as my face started to glow red.

  
“U-uh, I mean, I’m… a hobbiest, remember?” I said, looking down as my voice got quiet, almost squeaking out.

  
“Right…” Viktor said, his arms crossed over his chest. “How about we start with the basics, then?”

  
And that’s how I spent the next several hours learning that even though I could magically skate now, I could still feel the pain and soreness in my muscles. Thankfully, I wasn’t covered in bruises from falling like usual. I was starting to get some painful blisters on my feet, though.

  
Yuuri disappeared at some point, coming back around lunch time to which we found he was working with Minako sensei. I didn’t miss the way Viktor’s smile became more forced when Yuuri mentioned that.

  
Should I tell him? Hm…

  
Nah, after all those grueling warm ups he put me through, I think it was okay to let him suffer a little.

  
Of course, after lunch we had more hours of working out at the gym, doing muscle training. Better than running, but still a pain in the ass. Literally.

  
We started to form a routine like that with each day that passed, getting up early for a stupid morning run to the ice castle and then skating until my feet were ready to gain their own mind and kill Viktor, lunch (a simple, calorie balanced for Yuuri. I was on some sort of diet as well, being an ‘athlete’ now, but at least I could eat katsudon every once in a while), more working out, and then time to relax.

  
Well, Viktor got to relax, Yuuri would sneak off to ice castle when he got the chance, and I.. well, I got to work at Yu-Topia. I was already tired, exhausted, my body hurting all over, but if it was one thing I hated more than running it was being dependent on someone else. I grew up on a ranch, and I was used to earning my stay through work.

  
Given my horrifying Japanese, I mostly just cleaned and stayed out of the patrons’ way, although they would sometimes try to speak to me in English just to say hi or practice.

  
It was kind of fun, and I got to use the Onsen whenever I wanted (which was usually at night given how little time I had to myself), so that was pretty awesome.  
Still, this was everyday, all day, and ended when I collapsed in my little closet off of Viktor’s room, which we had finally cleared and made up. He even got two sofas for some reason, saying it brought ambience to the room. I kept my simple futon.

  
It was hard and my body was almost always in pain for the first week, but watching Yuuri work just as hard, if not harder, without complaint, made me want to keep going. The thought that I made a mistake saying I wanted to train as a professional skater crossed my mind many times, knowing it was my way of staying close to two people I held in high regards, but wondering if it was really worth it.

  
It wasn’t until I started dying a little less inside on the morning runs, started upping the weights, and could have short, if interesting, conversations in Japanese with people around town, that I began to have fun and actually sort of enjoy the harsh regime Viktor had Yuuri and me doing.

  
There were times I thought about my other life, the one in Seattle, but those times were getting fewer and far in between as I continued living in Hasetsu.

  
Plus, I got to watch Viktor and Yuuri slowly get closer. It was Spring now, but the cherry blossoms were starting to fall and Summer was making it’s way despite the late Winter. Yuuri was slowly becoming more used to Viktor- something I didn’t really notice until one day I looked over and realized Yuuri wasn’t flinching or blushing tomato red as Viktor sat close to him, or talked to him, or looked at him. Even casual touches didn't make him nearly fall out of his skin like before.

  
Viktor and I had already talked about not mentioning the banquet, as Yuuri was super embarrassed and (supposedly) had trouble talking even to me about it. So… when the truth came up later, I’ll cross that bridge then. Haha…

  
In any case, my ice skating with Viktor has been very educational. Although I’m sure he still can’t believe how little I actually know after my performance in Russia, he’s been teaching me everything from the start up like a beginner since I don’t actually know the name of any moves.

  
I’ve been swizzling, doing crossovers, doing all those backwards, learning how to do that cool looking snow-plow stop where I spray people with ice shavings (not really but I like to imagine it) and all the other small, technical parts that I had no idea existed. Viktor wanted to make sure I could do all the basics perfectly before even letting me attempt any jumps or any of the cool looking stuff, given that I could hurt myself. I didn’t argue, because A. I don’t want to raise any suspicion around myself and B. it was kind of fun. Even though my body somehow had no problem skating, it still took some work to understand the moves and do them consciously.

  
It was fun… It reminded me of when I first started to learn about the basics of music, finding all these small details that were behind the work of nearly every song, all the complex theory behind each chord sequence or melody that all came together like magic once you figured out where you wanted to go with it. Of course, just like the hours of four-part writing I had suffered in theory class, I had to suffer hours of swizzling on the cold ice.

  
Yuuri began to lose weight, his cheekbones showing up and stomach flattening as the days passed. In the afternoons, sometimes Viktor would take Yuuri out for some ‘special training’, although I’m sure he just wanted some alone time given the wink he sent me every time they left me in the gym.

  
It was during one of those ‘special trainings’ that Viktor posted the Hasetsu castle to the internet and revealed his location here. That’s when all Hell broke loose.

  
I ran around Yu-Topia, which was severely understaffed with the sudden onslaught of people booking a room in hopes of seeing Viktor, even forgoing my training for the day. I felt bad for Mari and their parents, although Mari was the only one who seemed to be bothered. Everyone was overwhelmed but Yuuri’s parents seemed happy about the swell of customers.

  
It wasn’t until later that day, in the midst of cleaning yet another load of the never ending dirty towels people seemed to leave everywhere, that I heard a familiar voice yelling in Russian.

  
Yurio!

  
Viktor laughed and replied in much calmer Russian, their voices coming closer. I stuck my head out of the laundry room, waving my hand at Viktor and sneaking a glance at Yurio.

  
“Ah, Eli! You look like you’ve been in the washing machine,” Viktor said, laughing at my disheveled appearance. I didn’t miss the glare I felt from Yuri.

  
“Yeah, thanks for bringing all those tourists,” I replied, trying to smile but achieving something that involved more teeth than necessary as my eye twitched. Seriously, what was he thinking uploading that thing with the location attached and… Wouldn’t he know this would happen?!?

  
Narrowing my eyes, I briefly considered the idea that Viktor did this so I would have to work at Yu-Topia all day while he spent plenty of alone time training Yuuri. That idea was quickly tossed aside when I remembered the same thing happened in the show, which I definitely had no part in.

  
“Yuri, this is Eli, my other student. Say hello,” Viktor said, presenting me to the pissed off teen, who was grinding his teeth as he glared me down.

  
I could feel his anger as if it was a tangible force while Viktor just stood there, like nothing was wrong.

  
“I’m sure you already know Yuri because you love figure skating so much, right Eli?” Viktor asked, walking past with a knowing laugh. Okay, so maybe he had the idea that I just watched the sport for… the aesthetics… given how little I actually knew. I mean… it wasn’t _wrong_ … Although after Yuri on Ice I tended to appreciate the hard work that went into the performance. And the butt. They worked hard for those posteriors, something I was actually discovering myself first hand, unfortunately.

  
“Er, yeah, Yuri Pleistsky, right?” I said, holding out a hand to the almost feral teenager.

  
Yuri growled and slapped my hand away, his glare on a level fit for murder.

  
“You, you’re the one who got Viktor to come here,” he said, looking much more intimidating than a teen two inches shorter than me should be.

  
“Oh right, I guess you were there…” I said, thinking back to the day I came to this world.

  
Yuri just growled more, throwing his hair back in barely contained anger.

  
“Oh yeah, and Eli, Yuri and Yuuri are going to be having a match in a week, so I’ll focus on coaching them instead. You can help out here more!” Viktor said, hanging off the corner down the hall before disappearing with his stupid grin. My eye twitched as I tightened the fists my prune-y hands were in, wondering just how long this influx of tourists would last. Damnit, Viktor.

  
“Keh!” Yuri made one last sound of disapproval before heading off with Viktor.

  
Sighing, I turned back to the laundry room, getting started on the next load until a disturbing thought went through my head….

  
Where was Yurio going to sleep?

 

 

After washing the dishes from dinner, Hiroko gave me some katsudon to enjoy before heading off to check the other patrons. I had been kept busy all day as everyone tried to sort things out with the new patrons, screwing up my daily fitness routine for the first time (not that I minded missing the running but I’m sure I got my weight lifting quota in with those over-flowing baskets of towels), so the break was nice.

  
Mari popped in to the kitchen, getting her own food before sitting down with me. Even though I had been there for nearly a month now, I hadn’t really had a chance to talk to Yuuri’s sister. She taught me all the ropes of the job given she could speak English better than her parents, but generally after that we were doing different jobs. Plus, I was busy working out and whatever else Viktor needed help with.

  
“So, uh, Mari-san,” I began, swirling the ingredients in my bowl together. “How are you doing?”

  
“Hmm?” Mari looked up from her own dinner, a combination of veggies and rice in plastic tubbaware. “I’m fine. How about yourself? Handling everything okay?”

  
“Yeah… It’s been kind of busy, huh?”

  
“Oh yeah… It’s kind of unexpected but when having those two idiots around, I guess it was going to happen sooner or later,” Mari said, smiling a little as her chopsticks picked up some broccoli. “I mean, when Yuuri was doing really well before, something similar happened, but I guess having two of them means even more work.”

  
“Haha, so the third famous ice skater will just make it crazy, right?” I said, laughing. Mari blinked for a second, her eyes looking at me questioningly until I realized that she didn’t know Yurio was there yet.

  
“A-ah, not me! I mean, the 15 year old ice skater from Russia, Yuri Plisetsky, is here,” I told her.

  
“His name is Yuri, too? How confusing,” Mari said, frowning.

  
“Yeah, I guess something like Yurio would be easier, right?” I said, grinning to myself. Mari nodded, quickly finishing up her meal.

  
“Yeah, seriously. I’m starting to lose track of who’s who with all these skaters around, no offense,” Mari said, looking at me.

  
“None taken.”

  
“Well, you can take the rest of the night off. You haven’t even had time to practice tonight, right?” Mari said as she collected her dishes and brought them over to the sink.

  
“Mari-san…” I said, my heart filling with joy at the amazing kindness I didn’t know Mari had inside of her.

  
“Just don’t forget to clean your own dishes, okay?” She said, giving me a small smile before leaving towards the rooms. Ah, she was so nice. I cleaned her dishes as well before going back towards the private dining room Viktor got to get away from the fans, planning on letting him know I was going to practice skating. I hadn’t really gotten a chance to simply ice skate on my own, but given that I had magically powers that let me do pretty much anything, I wasn’t going to miss a chance to enjoy it. Screw swizzles, I had done enough for a lifetime. I was going to do all the cool stuff.

  
“That’s confusing, I’ll just call you Yurio.” Mari was standing outside Viktor’s room, condemning Yurio to his nickname. She noticed me come up and grinned, winking as she let me in.

  
Yurio was already pissed off with his nickname, but when he saw me it went back to the murder-level glare. Hiroko waved at me before heading off, looking pleased.

“Where will Yurio be staying?” Mari asked, still grinning.

  
“Hmm, that’s a good question…” Yuuri trailed off, looking between Viktor and me.

  
“The big sofa?” I suggested. It was already crowded enough in Viktor’s closet with all his extra shit in it.

  
Viktor frowned, looking towards Yuuri while Yurio huffed in annoyance, but no one else came up any suggestions. I guess this meant I got to see that angelic face of hate every morning…

 

“Ahh, I’ll go get some blankets for him, then,” Mari said, holding a hand to her cheek as she looked at Yurio before leaving.

  
“Good for you, Yurio,” Viktor said, smiling carelessly with a nearly empty bottle of some type of alcohol info front of him. It looked Russian, but I didn’t care enough to ask. Like hell I was going to get involved in a drinking contest with him.

  
“Shut up, that’s not my name!” Yurio protested, waving his fork in the air. Viktor simply laughed at him and I couldn’t help but snicker as well, ignoring the look of death I got from Yurio.

  
“Ah, Viktor, I’m going to go practice at the rink now, alright?” I said, finally remembering why I was there. Yuuri was half up already, looking at me with surprise.

  
“I was about to go as well, let’s go together,” Yuuri said, motioning at me to follow him. Right, he’s supposed to be nervous with Yurio’s presence and Viktor potentially leaving, and wants to practice. Ahh, should I let him practice in private? But he said we could go together…

  
I ended up throwing on some clean workout clothes Viktor was nice enough to put on my tab, finding Yuuri waiting outside with his ice skating bag.

  
The moon was already out and despite summer’s incoming approach, there was a chill in the air that encouraged both us of to move fast.

  
“How has the Inn been? Sorry I didn’t help…” Yuuri said, talking easily even though we’ve been running for at least 10 minutes straight. I’ve gotten better, but I definitely wasn’t at Yuuri’s level yet.

  
“I-It’s okay,” I said, trying to control my breathing so I didn’t look so pitiful. “Good exercise.”

  
“Haha, that’s one way to put it. I remember having to work there all through school until I moved away. I’m surprised they’ve allowed me to get away without helping as much as I did before,” Yuuri said, laughing.

  
“Ha, same, although I grew up on a ranch,” I replied, gaining somewhat of a success on controlling my breath. “Every morning before school, every afternoon and night after school- there’s always work to be done!”

  
“So you cleaned up after horses while I cleaned up after humans?” Yuuri asked, looking over.

  
“Same thing, although I doubt humans would shit everywhere.”

  
“You’d be surprised,” Yuuri replied, looking off into the distance as if recalling something.

  
“Oh my god, no.”

  
“Oh my god, yes.”

  
Laughing, I could ignore the pain in my legs as we bonded over our family jobs, Yuuri full of horrifying stories about things people had done in the Onsen while I shared my own with the horses and people who owned them.

  
Yuuko looked happy to see us despite being in the middle of closing the rink up for the night, grabbing a pair of skates she had already set aside for me under the table and giving them straight to me, waving at the rental skate fee.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve really seen you ice skate before,” Yuuri said as we tied up our skates.

  
“You’ve seen me doing swizzles in the morning with Viktor, though?”

  
“Yeah, but I doubt that’s what convinced him to come here,” Yuuri said, chuckling.

  
‘ _No, but he came for you, not me_.’ Of course, I wasn’t about to say that out loud, not when they were still getting comfortable with each other. I’m sure there would be many questions if that came up and I would really rather keep the banquet bomb to much, much later, when they were so in love that it wouldn’t matter that I lied…

Hopefully…

  
“So you guys have a competition?” I asked, changing the subject.

  
“Ahh, you heard?” Yuuri sighed, putting a hand on his knee as he got up.

  
“Well, I mean, there’s been an announcement throughout the town,” I said, remembering how during the day there were broadcasts going on through loudspeakers, which Mari translated for me as the competition announcement. And then someone else came by with posters for it, as well as a newspaper article that had already been published. If anything, it really showed how much the town loved Yuuri and ice skating. And that they had an insanely fast printing service.

  
“Yeah, I guess the triplets really ran with it, huh? I wonder who gave them the mayor’s phone number…” Yuuri trailed off, looking over the dark rink.

  
“Are you looking forward to it?” I asked, joining him over by the door to the rink.

  
“Well, I guess I’m excited to work with Viktor and use his choreography,” Yuuri said, looking down, a slight blush blossoming on his cheeks. “But… If Yuri, er, Yurio wins, then Viktor would leave…”

  
Yuuri pushed himself towards the center of the rink, looking solemn and thoughtful. Ahh, should I be here? Should I let him practice alone? Call it a night early?  
I went into the rink as well, enjoying the feeling of not falling as my skates glided effortlessly across the ice. I did a few swizzles without thinking, torn between being happy they were so easy and being upset that I was doing them even without Viktor forcing me to do them.

  
“Yuuri, do you like skating?” I asked, skating backwards past Yuuri without looking back, the cool air rushing past.

  
“Wha- yeah, of course,” Yuuri replied, looking at me in confusion. “I think it’ll take a little more than that to keep Viktor here, though.”

  
“Hmm, I think it’s enough,” I told him, doing a three point turn and cutting up the ice a bit. Oh, I hope Yuuko won’t mind.

  
“Haha, why do you say that?” Yuuri asked, speeding past me as he started doing figure eights, obviously just humoring me.

  
My thoughts brought me back to the look Viktor gave Yuuri through-out the show, the one that just kept growing with love, and the same one I’ve been seeing here, in person, as the two of them slowly became closer. And then, of course, how freaking amazing Yuuri was as an ice skater. How could Viktor ever leave him?

  
“I wonder,” I mumbled under my breath, lifting my arms up and doing a small spin on the ice, trying to replicate one of the moves Viktor did while I was stuck practicing the basics. I thought I knew the Eros and Agape routines from watching the show so many times, but after Viktor had me doing mind-numbing basics for a month while he worked on the choreography for them around me, I knew them almost by heart.

  
Arms up, stick your leg out here. Feel that feeling of agape, oh, or let’s do eros. Yeah, I can be sexy.

  
Raising my left leg off the ice, I tried my sexiest look on my face, leaning forward and crossing my arms over each other, laying one hand on my shoulder and the other on my hip.

  
I noticed Yuuri staring at me, his mouth open. That’s right, he’s bi, he can appreciate the beauty of a girl-.

  
“Are you okay? You look like you don’t feel good…”

  
Well, there goes any ego I accidentally built up. Frowning, I let down my free leg and allowed my body to relax before jumping into the air, allowing my body to take over and land the triple axel. For good measure, I went into another one as soon as I landed.

  
Smirking, I glided out of the last jump, letting the momentum carry me forward as Yuuri watched.

  
“W-wow, I didn’t know you could do that! What else can you do?” Yuuri asked, looking really excited. I faltered, the small high I got from using whatever magic the light gave me so I could skate gone when I remembered the reality of my situation. I don’t know what I could do, or even if there were things I couldn’t do. I hadn’t been skating since I was a kid like Yuuri, Viktor, or any real skater has. I didn’t earn the right to ‘show off’ what wasn’t actually mine. I didn’t even know the names of everything I was doing.

  
“Hmm, not much,” I replied, shrugging. “I still have a lot to learn, really.”

  
“Haha, don’t take too long there, you’re 20, right?”

  
My heart sank a little.

  
“Uh… 22…”

  
“Better late than never, right?” Yuuri said, wearing a worried smile. “I think it’s great you’re working so hard for your dream.”

  
Except ice skating wasn’t my dream, music was. But I hadn’t done anything with music since I got here; I’ve just been training, ice skating, working… It was kind of like back at school, where I was so busy working and just trying to stay with it in school that I didn’t actually have time or energy to work on my own stuff.

  
Hearing Yuuri say that made it sting more. While we were talking about working at our families’ businesses as kids, he talked about how he had to get up super early to train and studied for school whenever he got a chance because if he fell behind, he wouldn’t get to ice skate anymore. He worked so hard for his goals, and then there was me… Who was being surpassed by everyone else in my school who continued to work on their music despite having other jobs or needing to study. It was frustrating. I was frustrated with myself.

  
“Eli?” Yuuri called my name, noticing that I had been quietly standing in one spot on the ice for an odd amount of time.

  
“Haha, guess I’m already getting tired, huh?” I said, blinking fast to make sure none of my frustration showed as I pushed forward.

  
We skated around for a while longer, Yuuri getting into his own silent routine that looked amazing, enough so that I was staring more than actually doing any of the cool things I wanted to do. Of course, I suppose I told Yuuri I could only do something as difficult as a triple axel, which was probably hard, but it wasn’t like it was a quad… or Quad toe flip…

  
Ahh… Oh well. I just wanted to do it for fun, in any case.

  
Watching Yuuri working so hard got my fingers itching, wanting to sit down and work at a piano or computer on something, anything.

  
I wonder if Yuuri would let me use his keyboard? He did kind of offer before.

  
After an hour or two, I was starting to get sleepy, so I headed home, Yuuri telling me to be careful as he kept going. I suppose he was more of a night owl?

  
Viktor and Yuri were already asleep when I got back, but Makkachin demanded to go out one more time, so I obliged.

  
While sitting out in the gardens, breathing the brisk night air and staring up at the stars, I began to hum a tune. As Makkachin took her own sweet time sniffing everything, I quietly started singing under my breath, my fingers tapping away on my knees as piano notes rang out into the night; only heard by me, of course.

  
It was a song of longing.

  
Longing to be better.


	4. Carbonated Wheat Tea and The Truth Comes Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah shit, Viktor lifts his rose-colored glasses long enough to shake the truth out of me with carbonated wheat tea.  
> Whoops.
> 
> On a fun side note, I have labeled all folders dealing with this... fic as 'trash'. This is 'trash chapter 4'. I'm still not stopping.

“Gah! Wha-AH!” I woke up to Yurio yelling about something. Shoving the door to the closet open, I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the reason for it.

  
Makkachin was covering Yurio with kisses, jumping up and down on him as he feebly tried to defend himself from his spot on the couch. Viktor was just starting to wake up, blinking wearily.

  
“Makkachin!” I called, getting the beautiful poodle to come straight towards me.

  
“What the hell is its problem?!” Yurio demanded, his hair sticking in different directions as he tried to catch his breath.

  
“ _Her_ problem is she needs to use the toilet,” I said, grabbing my coat from inside the closet and putting on slippers. “She just wanted to wake you up with love.”

  
“I don’t want it!” Yurio yelled back as he covered himself up with his blankets, muttering inside the cocoon he built.

  
I waved at Viktor, who was still half asleep. He waved back before falling back into his bed, given that we still had a half hour before we needed to wake up. I smiled at the nice morning show I got. Although Viktor didn’t sleep naked, at least not with me around, he didn’t bother with a shirt. It was a nice way to wake up in the morning, if I got up before he got dressed.

  
Makkachin finished with her business quickly, and by the time we got back everyone else was starting to wake up. Yurio was pretty loud, after all.

  
Of course, when I opened the door to Viktor’s room, that meant I got an eyeful of Yurio changing.

  
“Oh, sor-.”

  
“KNOCK FIRST, YOU IDIOT!” He yelled, shoving me outside and slamming the sliding door closed so hard that it bounced open again. He slammed it closed slightly gentler this time.

  
“Sorry,” I called out, rolling my eyes. I guess he was still a teen, after all. Yuuri came out of his own room, still in pajamas rubbing his eyes while holding his glasses in his other hand.

  
“What’s with all the noise?”

  
“Ah… Yurio gets excited easily, I guess,” I said, kneeling to scratch Makkachin’s ears. I missed my family’s dogs. I wonder if my parents were giving them enough belly rubs.

  
“Hmm,” Yuuri replied, kneeling down with me to give Makkachin some attention as well. That was when I saw got a good look at the writing on his shirt.  
Snorting, I tried to cover my laughter with my hand but failed.

  
“What?” Yuuri asked, putting his glasses back on.

  
“U-um, nothing. You’re learning the choreography today?” I asked, just barely keeping my snickering to a minimum as I tried to keep my eyes on Yuuri’s face.  
Yuuri frowned, but answered my question with a nod.

  
“Yeah, although we have no idea what it will be yet. Do you-.” Yuuri was cut off when Yurio came out of his room, Viktor at his heels, probably wide awake after hearing Yuuri’s voice outside his door.

  
“Oh _wow_ ,” Yurio said, smirking when he looked over at Yuuri.

  
“What?” Yuuri asked, still slightly asleep and not understanding until he saw Viktor freely staring at his chest.

  
Then Yuuri looked down and realized why I had laughed at him earlier. His shirt, the one he wore to bed, had Viktor taking up most of it, wearing a dazzling smile as he posed in a skin-tight skating outfit.

  
Yuuri blushed deep red, jumping up with more energy than he had just seconds ago before rushing off to his room, probably internally screaming.

  
“What a loser,” Yurio said, still snickering.

  
“You’re just jealous,” I told him, not missing the look of almost drunk happiness on Viktor’s face when I turned around.

  
He spared me a glance, his mouth quivering in excitement as if he wanted to rant about how happy he was, but he swallowed it down, patting Makkachin’s head before heading into the room to get dressed as well.

  
Usually Viktor got up before me and woke me up when he was already dressed, so it generally wasn’t an issue, but now I was stuck outside of his room in my pajamas with Yurio and Makkachin, wondering what time it was.

  
Yurio was already dressed, so he looked around, probably wondering what to do with himself.

  
“Hey Yurio,” I said, not wanting to miss this chance.

  
“That’s not my name!”

  
“What do you think of Yuuri?”

  
“Huh?” Yurio regarded with me a expression that was simultaneously pissed off and confused, something like a trademark of his.

  
“Like, you’ve seen his skating before, right? What do you think of him?” I pushed.

  
“Why should I answer that? Besides, are you asking what I think about him as a skater or a person? Who even are you?” Yurio asked, directing all 5 tons of his angry teenage hormones on me.

  
“Hmm, good question,” I answered, keeping my eyes on Makkachin, who was enjoying the back scratch I was giving her.

  
“What the hell kind of answer is that-.”

  
“I’m ready!” Yuuri said, emerging from his room in his usual work out clothes with his skating backpack already on.

  
“What happened to your other shirt?” Yurio teased, losing interest in me. Ha, I guess I was just a side character after all. Ow.

  
“T-that was just something I accidentally put on last night,” Yuuri answered as he adjusted his glasses.

  
“Sure, it is,” Yurio said, still laughing at Yuuri. I watched them talk for a few more moments until Viktor finally decided which of his 5 similar black shirts to chose from and came out, letting me in to get into my own clothes.

  
“Good luck at the rink today, guys!” I told them as they started to leave, Makkachin following after them. “Give it all the Eros and Agape you have!”

  
Viktor stopped so suddenly the other two looked back, confused.

  
Shit. Fuck. ShitshitshitshitdidIsaythatfuckshit.

  
“What did you say?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

  
“I, uh, I said give it all the serious and attention you can!” I tried, fingers crossed behind my back as cold sweat ran down my back.

  
“Hmm, right. Thanks,” Viktor said, still not looking convinced but walking off with the other two anyways, leaving me half paralyzed in the hall.

  
Did I really just say that?? I’ve been doing so good about seeming normal! Well, normal enough, I suppose, but at least as someone who doesn’t know pretty much everything that’s going to happen!

  
If I knew Viktor’s looks by now, I would think that last one meant he didn’t want to get the other two worried by pressing the topic but he would definitely bring it up with me later.

  
Oh fun. Maybe I’ll be able to figure out what to say before then… some sort of excuse…. Well, a better excuse.

  
Mari walked past the hall, and upon spotting me, asked if I could start helping right away. Seems like there was some sort of accident in the Onsen.

  
As I put on my uniform for the day, I only hoped it wasn’t one of the infamous accidents Yuuri told me about last night…

  
(it was)

  
(and human shit is definitely not horse shit)

  
( _ugh_ )

  
The rest of the day passed quickly enough after that, Yurio and Viktor stopping by to pick up some extra clothes for Yurio’s trip to the temple after lunch. It wasn’t until after dinner that I was done, coming back to the closet to change. The guys were probably downstairs eating dinner as none of them where in the room, but Makkachin was roaming the halls like she owned the place and told me she needed to go outside so we did just that.

  
I was sitting out in the garden, waiting for Makkachin and staring at the stars while humming when someone sat beside me, so quietly I thought my heart would stop for a second when I noticed them.

  
“V-Viktor!” I said, trying to catch my heart as it attempted to escape from my throat.

  
“Eli,” he returned, not looking at me as he handed over a bottle of beer. I hesitated only a second before taking it and popping off the cap, keeping a weary eye on the person beside me, who opened his own bottle before taking a long sip.

  
“Thanks,” I said, drinking a small amount before remembering why I don’t usually drink beer; it tastes like shit. Still, Viktor gave it to me, so I took another small sip of the carbonated wheat tea.

  
“So,” Viktor began.

  
“So…” I echoed, not quite sure exactly where he was going with this. I mean, I had a pretty good idea, but I wasn’t going to make it worse for myself. It was already bad enough.

  
“I’ll just ask straight up then; how did you know about the Eros and Agape routines?” Viktor asked, sighing as he looked over at me. On instinct, I looked away, focusing on Makkachin as she focused on some rocks.

  
“Oh, well, you mentioned it before, remember? I mean, you’ve been skating them the last month and kind of talked about it,” I said, still avoiding Viktor’s eyes.

“I know for a fact I didn’t, Eli. I may have practiced those routines a bit while you were learning, but I made sure never to actually talk about them with anyone,” Viktor said, setting his drink down.

  
“Look, I know you’re lying, I know you’ve been lying since we met, and honestly the only reason I’m here is for Yuuri. Sure, you can skate, but I don’t like you, not when everything about you seems to be built on lies.”

  
“O-oh. Okay.” I looked down at the drink in my hands, blinking away tears. I mean, I know Viktor wasn’t exactly fond of me, but this was the first time anyone told me to my face that they didn’t like me, let alone someone I looked up to so much.

  
“Eli, I don’t think you’re a bad person, but how can I believe that when I know so little about you? You work hard, but why? You say you want to be a professional ice skater, but you’re already 22 and barely know how ice skating works, despite being able to do something as outstanding as a quad flip. It just doesn’t make sense,” Viktor said, running his hand through his bangs as frustration crept through his voice.

  
“You said you’re Yuuri’s friend, and so far you guys seem friendly enough, but not like old friends. I’ve been trying to figure out what you really want, and why you’re doing all this, but I can’t. Help me out, Eli, so we can have some trust here,” Viktor said, his eyes on me.

  
I swallowed hard, taking a large swig of the beer to ease my tight throat.

  
This was getting too real, way too real, and I forgot I was a light weight. Despite barely drinking half the bottle I was already feeling fuzzy around the edges.

  
Damn it, I hate keeping secrets.

  
“What?”

  
“Huh?” I blinked, looking over at Viktor.

  
“You ‘hate keeping secrets’?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as his hand gestured for me to continue. Ah shit, I said that out loud?

  
Groaning, I took another couple of sips from the bottle. It got easier to drink the more you drank, so just keep drinking, right? Anything to help with what I was about to do…

  
“Yeah, I seriously hate it. If one of my friend’s needed me to cover for them or something, it’s no problem, but I hate keeping secrets about myself from others, especially if it could effect them,” I said, frowning. “And this secret… It’s like you said, I’m built on a lie. Of course, I had to keep it a secret, there’s no way anyone would believe me… I barely believe it myself.”

  
I was practically mumbling the last few words, fingers nervously tapping the rim of my bottle.

  
“What’s the secret?” Viktor asked, his voice quiet and calm, almost reassuring. A bit different from earlier. Perhaps I was on the right track.

  
“Hmm, you won’t believe it.”

  
“Try me.”

  
“… Don’t laugh,” I said, peeking over at Viktor’s face as I thought about what I was planning to say.

  
“I promise I won’t,” he told me, smiling. Shit, I was really going to say it. Well, better drink the rest of this beer before he kicks me out, then.

  
The bubbly liquid flowed like a river down my throat, the bottle becoming too empty too soon, leaving me with nothing but the chance to talk. At least he promised he wouldn't laugh.

  
“You see,” I started, waving my empty beer bottle around as I tried to find the right way to say this. Was there a right way? Probably not.

  
“I’m not… from here.”

  
“Right, you’re from the U.S.,” Viktor helpfully filled in.

  
“No, no, I mean here, here,” I said, using both my hands to gesture at everything around us. “Where I’m from… This place doesn’t exist. Well, it does, but… only in a story.”

  
“A story?” Viktor asked, his eyebrows furrowing down in confusion.

  
“Yeah… Hasetsu, Yu-topia, the ice castle… None of it’s real, not where I’m from,” I said, feeling odd to say such a thing after spending so much time in all of those places the last month. “And… you aren’t real either. Yuuri, Makkachin, everyone… they’re all just characters from this story.”

  
Viktor didn’t say anything, he was simply watching me, waiting for me to continue, so I did.

  
“You see, I can’t actually skate, like, at all. The first time I went on the ice was just last January, and even though I was hugging the wall I fell four times. Four! I shouldn’t even be able to stand up straight on the ice, let alone do a jump, or gosh, Quad flip,” I said, chuckling as I thought about being able to preform Viktor’s special move. Never in my life did I even think it was a possibility, or a thing I actually wanted to do.

  
“I’m just a lie… You guys are all so real, so alive, it’s like I’m the character here, forcing myself into a role that I’ve never even worked for,” I told him, my vision getting blurry. “I mean, I’m a music student! I should be working on music, or practicing the piano, but here I am, in a place that shouldn’t exist, working on becoming an ice skater!

  
“I love the story of you guys, and everything about your story, but I feel like I’m just running away… Although honestly, I guess I’ve felt like I’ve been running away for a while, long before I even came here,” I said, hot streaks of tears running down my face as I started to sniff. “I know this sounds crazy, and it really probably is, but it’s the truth.”

  
Silence reigned, the only sounds distant enough to ignore, even Makkachin’s scratching at the pebble garden barely registered in the oppressing quiet.

  
“I’m sorry, I can leave if you want-,” I started to get up, but Viktor gently pulled my arm down, gesturing for me to sit back on the grass with him. I did.

  
“That…. was a lot to take in,” he said, a bemused smile creeping its way on his face.

  
“I-I know, I mean, I’m probably just crazy, you don’t have to believe it, I’ll just, I…” Wrapping my arms around my knees, I sighed, wondering if this was it, if Viktor would make me leave tomorrow. Ah well, I’m sure I’ll figure out my life here, in this world that shouldn’t exist without Viktor as my piggy bank. Somehow.

  
“Eli, calm down, it’s fine,” Viktor said, patting my back.

  
“Fine? I just told you that you don’t exist,” I retorted, wiping some fresh tears away. They just didn’t seem to stop.

  
“Hmm, I don’t think that’s something to really worry about, though,” Viktor said, his hand gently rubbing up and down on my back. It reminded me of what my mom did when I was younger and was upset. It was very… nice.

  
“What do you mean?” I asked, unable to help myself. I usually hated people touching me, but Viktor was being very gentle and calming, not intrusive at all.

  
“I do exist, as much as you do, at least here, right?” He said, giving me a smile. “I feel as alive as I think any person could, and really, what more is there? I feel pain, happiness, love… everything a living human should feel, I think. Even if I’m just a character where you’re from, I’m alive and exist here, so that’s enough for me.”

  
“R-really?” I asked, sitting straighter as I looked at Viktor. He nodded, no trace of a joke in his actions.

  
“If anything, I think most inspirations and stories come from someone looking into another world, or something, you know? For example, there might be a story here based on your own life,” Viktor said, smiling brightly.

  
“My life? But it’s so boring,” I replied, but I was smiling as well. Viktor really did believe me.

  
“Hmm? Says the person who was transported into a ‘fictional’ world that just so happens to have the characters from a story she enjoys,” Viktor said, his smile growing into a grin.

  
“Okay, I guess you got me there,” I said, laughing a little. It really was truly amazing, and odd, but none the less it was my current reality. At least now I wasn’t alone in knowing the truth anymore.

  
“Still, you took the truth surprisingly easily, you know?” I couldn’t help but say, the usual doubt I carried with me raring it’s ugly head.

“I mean, most people would just laugh it off or ignore me but you actually believed me. W-which I’m thankful for, by the way,” I added, not wanting to come off as ungrateful.

  
“Well the other theory I had was that you were a spy trying to steal my programs but I don’t think anyone with your ability could seriously act that dumb about skating so… well. It makes more sense to think you’re from a different world,” Viktor said, laughing. I just glared.

  
“Sorry, I only just got into skating after watching the story you’re in,” I said, pouting.

  
“Oh yeah? I’m happy to hear that,” Viktor said, ruffling my hair. Huh. I wonder if this is what it’s like to have an older brother.

  
“Aren’t you curious about what happens in the story?” I asked, gently slapping away his hand.

  
“Maybe a little, but I enjoy a good surprise. It’s boring if I know what’s going to happen,” Viktor said, winking before taking a sip of his beer.

  
Smiling, I nodded. Of course he would say that.

  
It was Viktor mother fucking Nikiforov, after all.

 

 

The next week passed quickly enough, the work at Yu-Topia gradually slowing down despite the competition coming up. It seemed like the competition was bringing in a more polite, less towel-throwing crowd that didn’t shit in the hot springs. Yuuri and Yurio were out everyday, from dawn to dusk, and then some, just working and practicing and training. I did not envy what they were doing, but I did kind of envy how much passion they had for it.

  
“Hey Yuuri, do you ever use that keyboard?” I asked one night during dinner. Their training ran late so we were able to eat dinner together.

  
“Huh?” Yuuri tilted his head in confusion.

  
“The one in your room, behind a stack of magazines or something?” I offered.

  
“Oh, right, that old thing,” Yuuri said, nodding as he took a bite of his rice. With all the training, he’s been worn out every night, so I wasn’t too worried about Yuuri’s listlessness.

  
“I’m thinking that’s a ‘no’,” Yurio helpfully supplied, taking a large spoonful of his own meal, something with meat. Although I ate a bowl of katsudon every once in a while, I mostly stuck to vegetarian dishes, unable to get myself to eat anymore meat even in this supposedly fictional world. Like Viktor said, he felt alive and real, so everything else probably was as well.

  
“Yeah…” Yuuri said, trailing off as he looked into his half eaten rice bowl, his eyes narrowed as if he was thinking about something.

  
I caught Viktor’s eyes on me and returned his questioning stare with a shrug.

  
“Oh! Did you want to play something on it?” He asked, as if something finally clicked in his mind.

  
“If it’s not too much trouble,” I said, starting to wonder if Yuuri should go to bed before he fell asleep at the table.

  
“Of course not, you can take it anytime you want,” he said, smiling until his eyes started to wonder over towards Viktor’s dinner, a bowl of katsudon, a glazed look taking over his eyes.

  
Oh wait, that’s right, the eros-.

  
“That’s it!” He shouted, his energy coming back as he looked pleased with himself. I simply covered my face with my hands, keeping just enough space in between my fingers so I could still watch Yuuri make a fool of himself.

  
“Katsudon! That’s what eros is to me!”

  
Silence reigned as Yuuri’s words sunk in, and Yuuri himself began to deflate, shaking with embarrassment. Yurio’s laugh certainly didn’t help.

  
“Wait, no, that’s not… I mean…” Yuuri tried to salvage the situation, looking between Viktor and I, but I was just doing my best in holding back my laughter.

  
“O-okay, Yuuri, let’s go with that,” Viktor said, his eye twitching as he tried to put on a good face. Ah, this poor guy. I didn’t miss the desperate glance he gave me.

  
Yuuri quickly excused himself after that, throwing on his exercise clothes in record speed before going for a run. Yurio was practically in tears from laughter.

  
“That’s him?! That’s the guy you left everything for?!” He laughed, almost gasping for breath as his hand slapped the table. Viktor’s mouth was pressed in a tight line, trying to control his breathing.

  
“Sorry, Viktor, but I think you have some real competition there, I mean, this guy gets off on food,” Yurio continued, not holding back any punches. Sitting next to Viktor, I could practically feel the annoyance rolling off of him.

  
“H-hey, Viktor, why don’t we hit up town and go drinking for a bit?” I offered, shooting a glare at Yurio so he would shut up already. He just stuck his tongue out at me.

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Viktor said, shooting straight up and marching back towards the hall.

  
“I’ll just grab my jacket, then we can go.” Looking down at my own clothes, thankfully changed from the Yu-topia’s robes so I could enjoy dinner without getting into roped into any more work, I figured it was good enough. Not like I had anyone I wanted to impress. Of course, a jacket would be nice, too. Maybe I should go after Viktor? But I wanted to finish the food in front of me first…

  
“So… you play the piano?” Yurio asked, nearly startling me as I almost forgot he was there.

  
“Uh, yeah. I’m a music major,” I told him, tapping my fingers against the tatami matt, not used to being alone with the teenage cat that was a hundred pounds soaking wet.

  
“Huh?” He looked me over, eyes narrowed, “What about skating? I thought you dragged Viktor all the way out here just so you and your pig friend could be professionals.”

  
“First off, Yuuri’s already a professional,” I said, not wanting to deal with him dissing one of my favorite people. “And secondly… you can love more than one thing, right?”

  
Yurio scoffed at that, leaning back as he looked over at me, his expression not kind.

  
“‘ _Love_ ’? What does that have to do with anything?” He asked, jabbing a finger against the table. “I skate because I have to. How did you ever convince Viktor to come here with that sort of half-assed feeling? I knew it, he’s just here to chase that piggie’s ass.”

  
“Yuri,” I warned, knowing I was the older, supposedly more responsible one here, but damn if this kid wasn’t pissing me off.

  
“What? You might be able to skate, but you’ll never be able to handle it seriously the way you treat it.” The words hit me like ton of bricks as Yurio hit closer to the truth than he probably realized. He’s right, I was half-assing it. Not the skating thing, but that wasn’t mine in the first place.

  
No, my music… I lost all inspiration, all my drive, and so I simply stopped working on it? Stopped practicing? Stopped creating music?

  
I really wouldn’t be able to handle music seriously the way I was currently going after it.

  
Not if I couldn’t even fight for it against a 15 year old teenage ball of anger.

  
Something fell over my eyes, cloaking my vision in darkness as footsteps walked past me.

  
“C’mon, Eli, we’re heading out,” Viktor said, already putting his shoes on by the time I pulled the jacket he threw on me off.

  
Throwing one last look at Yurio before following Viktor, I decided I needed a drink as well.

 

“And he was all like, ‘ _katsudon_ ’! What’s with that? Why would he want that when I’m right in front of him??” Viktor asked, almost crying into his drink. I took it much, much slower, just barely getting through one drink while Viktor already had eight downed and was working on his 9th.

  
“It’s because he’s tired, Viktor, he’s tired and he’s sexually fusterated and he probably wanted to say you but locked onto the food you were eating, instead,” I told him, almost tearing up with him. This guy, this poor guy.

  
“Wait!” Viktor said, gasping as if he just realized something as he turned towards me, an ugly frown marring his usually beautiful face.

  
“I mean, the whole reason I came out here was because you, yeah, _you_ , said he liked me! I mean, you’re not even his real friend! You haven’t actually talked to him! Oh my god, does he actually like me?!?!” Viktor asked, going into full on drunk-panic mode. We were in a corner of Minako’s bar, but a few of the other patrons were turning their heads towards our little scene.

  
“Viktor! Viktor, you know,” I started, leaning in as I lowered my voice to a whisper. Viktor leaned in as well, his face full of hope.

  
“I can’t tell you because you said you like surprises.”

  
“Argh!” Viktor yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. “That’s unfair! Totally cruel!”

  
“Right?!” I said, agreeing with him even though I was causing the cruelty.

  
“I mean, he was so cute before, and now he’s just… How am I supposed to hold back?! Have you seen those thighs?” Viktor asked, his face glowing red as he huffed.

“Who hasn’t? He can crush me with those things and I don’t even like him like that!” I said, imagining Yuuri’s muscular legs in the usual tight workout gear he wore. It was one thing to see him in the show, and quite another to see all the angles the real deal had to offer.

  
Because _hot damn_.

  
“Whaaat?” Viktor slurred his word out, frowning as he pointed a finger at me. “How could you not like him like that? He’s the best! He’s so handsome, and fun, and nice, and, and-.”

  
When Viktor started crying for the second time, Minako asked if we could leave, just barely keeping her laughter in. I might have been snickering as well, but I obliged her none the less, helping a very drunk Viktor back home in the early hours of the morning.

  
“Do you miss them?” Viktor asked, surprisingly somber for a moment in the chilly air of the early morning. We were nearly back to the Inn now, and although Viktor had stopped his drunken rambling ten minutes ago I wasn’t sure if he was picking up where he left off or not.

  
“Who?” I asked, deciding to go along with it, if just for now. I was completely sober now and ready to collapse in bed. Yurio was going to be pissed when we stumbled into the room.

  
“Your friends and family, from your own world,” he said. I looked over at him, but he was looking up at the stars, his eyes unfocused and legs still all over the place.  
Taking a moment to readjust his arm over my shoulder, I sighed.

  
“Yeah… I do. I mean, I don't like living with my family, but we still kept in contact every once in a while… Something I can’t do here, obviously,” I said, keeping my eyes on the ground, the darkness between streetlights leaving dangerous potholes almost invisible for two drunks.

  
“And my friends… well, I miss them too. I don’t have any friends that I’m super close to, but it’s still nice to talk to them every once in a while, I guess,” I said, wondering what my friends were up to now. Has Winter quarter started yet? My friends back home were probably working hard at their jobs, and my friends in the music program with me were also working hard on their own music projects.

  
And then there was me, getting drunk with fictional characters until the early hours of the morning as we cried over someone’s thighs.

  
“Sometimes I miss my family, too, but they’re gone in a way that I can never get back, no matter if I go to another world or not,” Viktor said, his sober act keeping up impressively well. I bit the inside of my lip, not sure what to say. The story never revealed what happened to his parents or family, but judging from that…

  
“And my friends… Hm, I guess I’ve been messaging some of the other skaters from time to time about the food I’m eating and things I’m doing, but there’s no one I’m particularly close to. Maybe Yurio? Ah, but he’s just a kid,” Viktor said, sighing deep.

  
“Who cares about that?” I said, frowning at Viktor. “Even if he’s just a kid, he can still be someone important to you, someone you care about, right? Same with Yuuri. Even if you guys aren’t… together, you’re still here with him now, by his side and enjoying life with him, right?”

  
“Ha, I guess you’re right,” Viktor said, taking his arm off my shoulders as he stretched out, pausing for a second.

  
“I do have a lot of important people to me,” Viktor said, a small smile crossing his face before turning to me with a cheeky grin. “Even you, Eli!”

  
“Me?” I said, mouth gaping open. “B-but after all those stupid swizzles you made me do, I thought you hated me!”

  
“Some people show their love through pain,” Viktor said, laughing, “Although really, I was just doing it because I still kind of thought you might be a spy and I wanted to see how long it would take for you to crack.”

  
“Asshole,” I responded, bumping his shoulder.

  
“Pretend-spy,” Viktor countered. Of course, being the older one, he didn’t retaliate by trying to bump my shoulder as well. Given that he almost fell into a ditch a few seconds later, though, I think it had less to do with maturity and more to do with drunk coordination.

  
I couldn’t help but laugh as I helped Viktor up the stairs to Yu-topia, enjoying the warmth still left in my body from the alcohol paired with the cold air tickling my face despite being exhausted.

  
Yurio told us both to ‘fuck off’ before rolling over and going back to sleep when we got to the room. Makkachin had decided to sleep with Yuuri tonight.  
I went to bed with a smile on my face, even though I knew I would have to wake up in a few hours to help out at the Inn. My mind was thinking about the piano in Yuuri’s room, wondering when I would get a chance to play on it.


	5. Competition time!! Katsudon VS Angry Kitten!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The firece competion between a pork cutlet bowl fatale and angry teenage kitten takes place on the ice!  
> Shit happens!  
> Literally!  
> *cries*

I rarely saw the others during the day, Yu-topia being busy and the guys practicing non-stop for the competition. Of course, at the end of the day, they always came back for dinner and a bath.

  
When Yurio came out of the Onsen, though, I had to stop, unable to look away. He noticed immediately.

  
“What?” He asked, clearly put off by my stare.

  
“Did you… use the Onsen?” I asked, trying to dig through my memories of the show. It was getting hard to differentiate between real life and what happened the series, but he had definitely been taking baths alone, right? At least the first few days. I had to draw up the stupid bath myself.

  
“Well, of course. It’s just a bath,” he said, face flushing as he walked away, covering his head with the towel resting on his shoulders. He better put that in the dirty laundry hamper later.

  
“I think you have down most of it by now.” Viktor’s voice carried past the doors, which opened only a second later to reveal the man himself and Yuuri walking side by side with towels on their shoulders and hair wet.

  
“There’s still something missing- ah, hey Eli,” Yuuri said, waving as he noticed me. I grinned back, unable to return his wave with my hands holding onto a large laundry hamper.

  
“Hey guys. When did Yurio start bathing with you?” I asked, unable to keep my curiosity under wraps.

  
“Huh? Oh, I guess… today? Or was it yesterday? I’m not sure… I guess he’s getting used to the Japanese culture,” Yuuri replied, looking happy to share his culture with the others. Viktor had this interesting half smile going on, looking between Yuuri and myself.

  
“Hmm, I guess so,” Viktor agreed, before taking Yuuri’s towel off his shoulders and tossing both Yuuri’s and his own towel into my hamper.

  
“Hey- my hair’s still wet!” Yuuri protested, confused as he looked between Viktor and I, at a loss of what to think. Before he could grab his towel back, however, Viktor put a hand on his shoulder and began to lead Yuuri away.

  
“It’s alright, mine is too! We can use the hair dyer together. It’s for coaching purposes,” Viktor said, looking over his shoulder to give me a thumbs up. I just stared, jaw open.

  
“What- but Viktor, that’s- um,” Yuuri tried to put up an argument, but was obviously distracted by Viktor’s closeness.

  
I wanted to smile, to be happy about this adorable development in front of my eyes, I really did.

  
But Viktor fucking Nikiforvo just put dirty fucking towels in my clean towel hamper.

  
-

  
The rest of the week passed by quickly, and then the day of event was upon us. Given that most of the people who had rented rooms at Yu-Topia to see Viktor and Yuuri were at the competition, there wasn’t too much to do so Mari told me I could take the day off to help with the event. I think she was also feeling a bit bad that all the extra work at the Inn was keeping me from practicing my own skating, but honestly I didn’t care too much. I didn’t have to run or do any fucking swizzles while cleaning up Yu-Topia, so that was nice. Hopefully my new friendship with Viktor would keep him from forcing anymore on me when I got to practice again.

  
…Hopefully.

  
“Over here, Eli!” Yuuko yelled from across the rink, and I hurried over with an armful of chairs. Setting up the rink wasn’t too hard, given that they already had bleachers surrounding the main rink. We just had to set up a nice table for the judges who were taking the time to come today, thankfully more interested in seeing the competitors than in the money earned from judging. The ticket sales were better than great, selling out within the first day, but the Ice Castle wasn’t a huge stadium and there weren’t any sponsors, so we didn’t have too much to offer.

  
Still, the atmosphere was brimming with excitement and I could feel myself get caught up in it, running around to help in whatever way I could so that every thing was perfect for the competition later.

  
The guys all arrived at the same time, a bit later in the morning after we finished setting up most of it and they got a chance to prepare themselves. Last night when they picked out the costumes that just arrived (and Viktor had even more shit to stuff in his closet, aka my room), I got to see all the sparkly ice skating outfits of Viktor’s youth. It was amazing, and I may or may not have been a little jealous of teenage Viktor.

  
Still, the guys changed into their outfits when they got there, covering up the famous eros and agape designs with track suits as they silently went through stretches.

  
“Viktor, Viktor, this is going to be awesome,” I said, almost vibrating with excitement during a small break I was taking to watch the guys. We had already brought all the ticket holders in, and the judges were comfortable with some hot drinks and complimentary cookies that Yuuko made last night, so the arena was full. I could just barely hear the murmuring of the crowd in the small changing room that was down the hall from it.

  
“Yes,” Viktor replied, his eyes on the other two before glancing at me with a frown. “Sorry, Eli, but could you leave? I think your excitement is making them nervous.”  
Well, that killed my buzz pretty fast, but it made sense.

  
“Oh, right, sorry,” I said, shoulders falling. Viktor reached out and ruffed up my hair with a hand, giving me a small smile.

  
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take it as a good sign that things will go well if you look that happy,” Viktor told me. My heart lightened up and I grinned before heading back out and asking Yuuko if she needed help with anything else.

  
If anything, I became an usher to make sure people getting snacks or going to the bathroom didn’t wander too far off and came back before the show started.

  
My heart was pounding in my chest as the lights dimmed in the arena, all the voices in the falling darkness fading out with the light as the excitement grew.

  
Moroko, the reporter that volunteered to announce for the show, started up, but all I could catch was Yurio’s name before the teen himself skated onto the ice with a roar from the crowd.

  
Ushering duty over, I joined in, yelling ‘Davai!’, one of the few words I knew in Russian (thanks to the show) as he took his place in the middle of the rink.

  
The outfit was so pretty, and it looked even better in person. I definitely had to get a look of it up close when I got the chance, hopefully while it wasn’t covered with a jacket.

  
Silence reigned in yet again as Yurio took his starting positioning, and I held my breath when the music started.

  
Wow.

  
Like, wow.

  
Despite being so young, and acting like a feral cat off the ice, here he was… Simply amazing.

  
I swallowed hard as I watched him move across the ice with the grace of a limber cat, twisting this way and that as if he wasn’t even trying. Of course I knew he was, I remembered how he had issues feeling ‘agape’ when he skated this, but watching him now, behind the protective glass wall, I couldn’t tell at all.

  
As I watched without blinking, I remembered the way he scoffed at me when I suggested he loved skating. Seeing him now, like this, I wondered how I believed him for a second. The way he flowed across the ice in practiced moves reminded me of Viktor on the ice, the almost ethereal confidence he got with a pair of skates and a sheet of ice. How could he not love it?

  
Then again, I said I had never trained in skating before and was a music major, so perhaps he was angry at me for being so frivolous about something he loved so much.

  
I wonder if I would ever be like that with music.

  
The song ended with a perfect performance from Yurio, getting a well earned round of applause and cheers from the audience as he bowed. Viktor yelled something at him in Russian, but Yurio didn’t respond. Given how hard he was breathing, though, I guessed he probably couldn’t if he wanted to.

  
Yurio cleared off the ice, and then it was Yuuri’s turn.

  
I had moved over in the darkness and got closer to the door of the rink, just barely in sight of Viktor as he patted Yurio on the back, smiling wide. But then Yuuri stepped over, and Viktor’s attention zeroed in on him. Yurio didn’t miss that. Of course, neither did I.

  
People in the audience were chatting amongst themselves, making it impossible to hear the two, but I didn’t miss the way Yuuri lunged forward, hugging Viktor for the first time.

  
My heart almost stopped, but not wanting to miss anything else they did, I forced it to keep going.

  
No one else really seemed to notice or care about the embrace even though it almost caused me to die, but they broke apart soon enough, Yuuri heading off to the ice with Viktor’s eyes were glued onto him.

  
It took some effort, but I managed to get closer to them, Yuuko letting me over the divide when she saw me.

  
Viktor didn’t even notice me, too focused on the man on the ice. From my current position, I was closer to the rink and had a much better view than before. I would be able to watch his routine up close, and admire the way he looked in that skin tight eros costume. It was meant for a teen, but damn it if Yuuri didn’t fill it out better than teen Viktor ever could (or really, should) have. It was nearly a crime.

  
Those thighs. Why was there a stupid half skirt covering his ass?

  
Oh right, the performance.

  
Yuri skated effortlessly towards the middle of arena, looking more confident than he had the last month or so I’ve been here. The difference was astounding.

  
Leaning forward, I had to blink several times to make sure this was Yuuri. The way his hip confidently cocked out, the smirk on his face, everything about him just oozed sex. I brought a hand to my face, feeling the warm heat of a blush.

  
What happened to my marshmallow? Who was this sexy beast?

  
Then the music started and my mouth went dry.

  
I remember watching Yuuri in the show, but after spending so much time getting to know him, how shy he could be, to seeing him perform like that now, in front of me, made the difference so much more shocking.

  
Everything he did just screamed ‘sex’, even though I’m pretty sure he was a virgin. Pretty… sure… Or at least, I was. But the way he was moving his hips and keeping that vixen look on his face had me really rethinking that.

  
It was hard to look away from his never ending stream of seductive movements, but I just had to see Viktor’s expression.

  
It was a little disappointing that he wasn’t a flustered mess of a man when I looked over, but there was also no way his focus was on anything but Yuuri. His fingers tapped against his mouth thoughtfully as his eyes moved with every spin or twist Yuuri did across the ice. It was almost as if only he and Yuuri existed here, nothing else.

  
And for a second, I’m pretty sure that was true.

  
But then the performance ended, the cheers roaring through the arena as soon as the music ended, people standing up and yelling at Yuuri.

  
Coming out of my stupor, I walked back, wanting to give Yuuri and Viktor some room. That’s when I noticed Yuuko looking down the hallway, frowning with a hand on her face, as if she was worried about something.

  
“What’s up?” I asked, sliding next to her.

  
“Oh, Eli,” Yuuko blinked, giving me a small smile before looking back down the hall. “Well, I just saw Yurio leave down the hallway, and it didn’t seem like he was too happy for some reason. I was thinking about following him…”

  
“Ah,” I replied, nodding. Right, it was about time for him to leave, huh? “I’ll go after him, if that’s alright.”

  
“Would you? I still have some stuff to do here, but it would make me feel a lot better if you did.” My heart tightened a little at the trust Yuuko had in me.

  
“Of course,” I replied, glancing back at Viktor and Yuuri one last time (the former currently going off on the latter.) before heading down the hall, back towards the dressing rooms.

  
I didn’t have to wait long before the door opened quietly, with a somber looking Yurio appearing, although his face twisted in disgust as soon as he realized I was there. Wow, he did _not_ like me.

  
“What are you doing here?” He spat, roughly pulling a suitcase I didn’t realize he brought. It was hard to imagine anyone missing it, though, with its striking leopard print assaulting anyone with sight.

  
“Just… Wanted to tell you I really enjoyed your performance. It was inspiring,” I said, giving the angsty teen a honest smile. For as much shit as he gave, he really was a talented performer, and would be giving the world of ice skating a lot through what promised to be a long career.

  
Yurio just frowned at me before turning away and walking away. As close to a ‘thanks’ I think I would ever get from him.

  
“Why are you following me?!” Yurio complained as we left the building together. Grinning, I looked over the view of Hasetsu for a second. From the ice castle, you almost had an arial view of the small town, clusters of houses mixed with patches of greenery, the blue ocean sparkling bright a bit further off. It really was a beautiful town.

  
“You’re leaving, right?” I said, trying to smile but it felt tight. Wow, since when did I start caring for this glaring machine? I mean, I liked him well enough in the series but dealing with him in real life as the little shit he could be had been rather fusterating. Still, something tugged at my gut at the thought that it would be quite some time before I saw this kitten of terror again.

  
“…Yeah,” Yurio replied, regarding me with cold eyes. “I guess there really was no way I was going to win, was there?”

  
I just smiled again, almost wanting to give him a reassuring hug but had enough of a presence to fear for the ramifications about what that could mean to my living status.

  
“Why did you even try if you knew that?” I asked. Yurio let out a short, pained laugh.

  
“Because unlike some people, I take my career seriously,” Yurio said, giving me a pointed look with a glance towards the ice castle, towards Viktor and Yuuri. “I got my short program, I’ll just have to get someone else to do my free skate.

  
“And besides,” Yurio said, looking me straight in the eyes with a fierceness that resonated with the tiger on his shirt. “I’m not going to give up that easily. I’m still going to win the Grand Prix Finale, you can tell Yuuri that.”

  
Remembering the end of the show, the way this 15 year old worked so hard and was able to win gold in his first run with the seniors, had me grinning so hard my cheeks hurt.

  
“I know.” Yuro looked me over with a slightly off-put frown, but didn’t comment, instead turning around and giving a small wave as he went down the steps and made his way back to Russia.

  
Ah, what a cool exit. Being a teen, he’s probably trying to look cool.

  
Although, really, he is only 15… Should I like, help him get to the train station? Or get a cab? He can’t even speak Japanese, how did he get around in the first place?!

  
“Wait, Yurio!”

-

After I was sure Yurio had everything he needed and was set up on the train, I started jogging back towards the ice castle. Yurio had been embarrassed by my overbearing-ness, insisting he wasn’t a child and could get back alone, but I helped him by grabbing a ride with one of the regulars at the Onsen that had come to the event and were leaving early. They didn’t speak any English, so we had a stilted conversation in Japanese, my elementary skills I had been sharpening the last several weeks coming in handy and gaining us a ride to the station. I even made sure Yurio ate something and had the right ticket, not wanting to leave the teen alone but knowing that he needed some time to reflect by himself, to think about the last week.

  
By the time I got back to the ice castle, the spectators were all gone and everything had already been put away. I did give a run down on what happened with Yurio to Yuuko, who frowned but was relieved when I told her I made sure he got to the train station all right.

  
Then, another jog over to Yu-Topia. Jog, not run. Runs were horrible. Jogs were alright, a slow, easy paced jog with a steady rhythm that didn’t steal my breath away like the runs Viktor had me do before did. Crap, would he make me start running again now that the contest was over?

  
My feet felt a bit heavier in the last ten minutes of my jog.

  
It was getting dark as I climbed the steps to Yu-Topia, an odd sense of disconnect creeping into my heart. Here I was, alone for a moment, not busy working or working out for once, and in a world that was becoming more real than the memories of my actual life. The one I had spent so long working in, building up.

  
I stopped, taking a few deep breaths before sitting down and watching the sky. There was no one else around, the town quiet as everyone was busy either preparing or already eating dinner. A warm breeze blew past me. Spring already, huh?

  
Was my family doing alright? Spring was an easier time of year to work with, snow and ice melted while the hay was still growing. There was just the ever present mud to deal with, but that was at my parent’s ranch more often than not, so it was just a mild annoyance at this point.

  
And Winter quarter would be coming to an end, Spring break offering temporary relief to the lucky few who could take it off. I just took up more hours at work during the breaks, but then I would’ve been quitting from that place soon, in any case. Since Spring quarter was supposed to be my last…

  
Would my music friends graduate and leave me behind, as well? Yurio left easily enough, even though he had become close to the people here. All for his career, to be better.

  
I was half-assing it again.

 

“Eli!” I stiffened at my name, looking back to see Yuuri heading towards me, Makkachin at his heels. Viktor was a bit further behind him.

  
Looking away, I blinked hard, not wanting to bring my arms or hands to my face and give away my current emotional state.

  
“Where were you? Yuuko called to let us know you brought Yurio to the station but wouldn’t let her drive you back,” Yuuri said, coming up beside me, frowning as he looked me over. “What.. What happened?”

  
Viktor sided up to Yuuri, both of them a few steps higher than me, looking down at me.

  
“I was just thinking, it’s nothing,” I said, trying for a smile as Makkachin nudged my hand with her soft fur.

  
It was just like my puppy at home.

  
Ah shit, I was crying. I was definitely crying now.

  
“Eli!” Both Yuuri and Viktor came closer, as if trying to see if I was physically hurt, but unable to find the cause of my pain.

  
“Are… are you that sad Yurio left? We can call him up, once he lands,” Yuuri tries, giving me a worried smile. I shook my head, unable to speak now that the floodgates had been released. It was like all the stress from the last several weeks were pouring out all at once. It happened to me every once in a while, but usually only after a particularly bad day, and when I was alone in my room with my pillow to quiet my cries. I never cried in front of people. Let alone these two perfect, beautiful people.

  
Trying to wipe away the tears was a frustrating act, my eyes betraying my current situation and continued to run like a broken faucet.

  
“Sorry, I just.” * _sniff_ * “Sorry.” * _gross sniffing_ * “Really.” * _covering the sleeve of the nice coat Viktor bought me with my gross mucus and tears._ * “I’m fine.”

  
“Could’ve fooled me,” Viktor said, his voice low but Yuuri still sent a chastising frown over his shoulder, effectively shutting up his idol. Wah, I was getting in between the two of them now. Damnit. Is there an off switch to these? I know I’m not a pretty crier, and the snot is getting harder to control.

  
“Here,” Yuuri said, handing a handkerchief to me, something I gratefully took and immediately blew my nose into it. #RIP Yuuri’s handkerchief

  
“Let’s take a seat, okay?” I nodded, letting Yuuri gently bring me back down to sit on the steps, Makkachin almost sitting in my lap as she licked my hands, my face, whatever she could. What a good dog. My dog didn’t care when I was upset, he was an asshole, but I still miss him. He was my adorable asshole and would stay by my side while I worked on music at home. He had been with me for most of my life, already getting old for a dog…

  
Ah, the tears were coming out harder now.

  
Yuuri simply sat down with me, keeping a respectable distance but also rubbing his hand over my back in a soothing, gentle rhythm.

“I’m wearing Armani, so I can’t sit…” Viktor said, his voice unsure as he looked over at us.

  
“Then leave,” Yuuri said curtly, his hand on my back slowing down was the only sign that he was nervous talking to Viktor like that.

  
“Um,” Viktor intelligently replied, obviously not expecting that from Yuuri. Hah, son you got owned. Of course, I was the blubbering mess of tears that was getting snot on Viktor’s dog so I couldn’t say much for myself.

  
“Is there something I could get, or do…?” He asked, his discomfort clear.

  
Yuuri sighed, a small thing that most people would’ve noticed if they weren’t sitting right next to him, but a sigh none the less.

  
“Yeah, could you get a water bottle? She’ll need to hydrate later,” Yuuri directed. Viktor agreed and set off on his mission, running off with a gusto that only someone who knew they screwed up could muster.

  
Makkachin stayed with me. I was the one itching her ears currently, after all.

  
“I can’t believe I said that…” Yuuri whispered under his breath, in Japanese but I got the gist of it.

  
“You okay?” I asked Yuuri, peeking over at him through the blurry world my tears created.

  
His mouth dropped open in surprise at first, an edge perking up in a disbelieving smile.

  
“Am I okay? I think I’m doing a lot better than you right now, so there’s that,” he said, almost laughing. I smiled back at him, wondering how crazy I must seem right now. I just didn’t want to ruin what would, no, needed to happen between him and Viktor. I mean, from all the AUs I’ve read with them, it felt like there was no force strong enough to separate them, but still. What they had now was a cautious relationship as they still figured each other out, testing the waters of what was okay and what wasn’t before they could accept each other and fall in love.

  
I would really hate myself if my stupid tears got in the way of that love.

  
“Ah, really?” I said, my breath finally starting to normalize from the odd cry hiccuping that tightened up my throat before. “I’m… fine. Really. All the stress finally caught up with me, I guess.”

  
“Missing home?” Yuuri asked, that kind smile directing itself at me. In the fading light, his face was lit by gold with dramatic shadows. My fingers itched to capture it, this amazing marshmallow in front of me too beautiful to handle.

  
“…Yeah. How did you know?”

  
“Well, I spent 5 years in a foreign country. It wasn’t easy,” Yuuri said, patting my back a few times before taking his arms back and leaning against the stairs with them, looking up at the sky. It was dark enough that a few stars were beginning to shine, promising night.

  
“Right,” I replied, sniffing a bit more as the tears finally began to stop, “At least there was no shit to clean up there, right?”

  
Yuuri stiffened for a moment, probably confused at the sudden change in conversation. Looking over, I waited for his reply, but instead he just smiled and shrugged.

  
“ _No_.”

  
“College in America is an interesting place, Eli, you should know that,” Yuuri said, leaving me gaping in shock. Then he snorted.

  
“What kind of college were you at??” I asked in between fits of laughter that Yuuri soon joined.

  
“I-I got the water!” Viktor came rushing over, looking between Yuuri and myself as he handed me the water bottle. I accepted it gratefully, but I didn’t fail to notice the pained look in his eyes as waited for Yuuri to say something. Like a puppy that knew he did something wrong.

  
“Thanks, Viktor,” Yuuri replied for me, still on the ends of our laughing fit and smiling brightly at Viktor.

  
Viktor, five time world champion, just stood there, hand clasped over his heart as his face turned bright red.

  
I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at him. I was going to make sure they fell in love with each other; it wouldn’t do to make fun of the love sick puppy.

  
“Viktor? Are you okay? Your face is bright red,” Yuuri said, actually worried, without a clue of what Viktor was going through right now. I brought my hand up to my mouth, just barely catching the laughter in time. Poor, poor Viktor.

  
“U-uh, yeah, I just need… to change, yeah,” Viktor said, his arms moving excessively as he slowly ascended the stairs again, awkwardly waving before running back to the Onsen.

  
“Huh, that was odd…” Yuuri said, still watching Viktor’s retreating form.

  
Should I say something? Should I?

  
“So Yurio got back alright?” Yuuri asked, his smile slightly forced as he turned back to me.

  
“Uh, yeah. I made sure he had the right train ticket, the one that goes straight to the airport and helped him buy one for the plane on his phone,” I said, wiping away any leftover wetness on my cheeks. Crying was really annoying at times, but the weight it released was nice. It was like I was floating, my breathing coming easier now, realizing just how pent up I was before.

  
“That’s good… I think we’ll all miss him here,” Yuuri said, letting out a long sigh, “He can be a bit much sometimes, but he was full of energy and I’m sure everyone will be sad he didn’t say goodbye. Hopefully he’ll come back to visit.”

  
“Yeah…” I replied, taking in Yuuri’s solemn expression, his eyes cast down in quiet reflection.

  
Yurio really had grown close to everyone here, despite practicing or training most of the time and being an angry kitten when he was actually communicating with others. Hiroko had even found out some of Yurio’s favorite dishes and had planned to feed them to him as much as possible. The twins had practiced their English with him, although it was mostly just them being amazed and gushing about how amazing he was in broken sentences.

  
Mari would probably be sad that her pop-star dopple-ganger was leaving, too.

  
And… I guess, just maybe, I would miss the angst ridden teen, as well.

  
“So, katsudon?” I asked, breaking the silence that had settled between us, a one as natural as the night sky above us now.

  
“Katsudon?”

  
“You won, didn’t you?” I asked, a grin taking over my face that was soon mirrored by Yuuri.

  
“Yeah! Let’s go get Viktor, I’m sure he wants some too.”

  
We went back up the steps, a chilly breeze passing us by as if a reminder that it was night, and I was still covered in (albeit dry) sweat from my earlier jogs.

  
Onsen first, then katsudon.

  
I smiled. What a perfect combination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still going. Have much planned. Didn't mean to cry but something happened IRL and translated over. Hahahaha but it's okay because it's self insert.  
> Hahahahaha  
> *cries*


	6. Whoops, gotta work off that debt!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urk. Guest appearance by my anxiety, side by side with the growing debt to Viktor!
> 
> In which I meant to get around to talking to Viktor about Yuuri but my anxiety for midterms leaked into the story instead! Hahahacrieshaha

“Rise and shine!” The sliding door that gave me a small amount of privacy from Viktor’s was thrown up, smacking against the wood frame, but Viktor barely spared the abused door a glance. Instead, he was shining his much-too-bright brilliant smile at me.

“Eh? What time is it?” I asked, rubbing my eyes as I sat up. They were still a little tender from crying so much yesterday, but the swelling felt like it was all but gone.

“Time to get up!” Viktor cheerfully replied, standing a second too long in the doorway before heading back to his room, Makkachin’s paws hitting the tatami mats as she followed Viktor to what I presumed was Yuuri’s room.

Perhaps he was still feeling awkward about yesterday? What, has he never cried before? It was easiest to just pretend that nothing happened and everything was okay. It was, after all. For the most part.

I closed the door and proceeded to dress, listening through the thin walls as Viktor first knocked on Yuuri’s door, and then sweetly telling him it was time to wake up when he didn’t get a response. I heard a door open, but Yuuri was either in a silent mood today or too tired to speak as a few seconds of silence proceeded. I waited for the sound of Viktor coming back to his room, but there was nothing.

Confused, I quickly finished getting dressed and headed over towards Yuuri’s room, whose door was still suspiciously open. Curiosity getting the better of me, I quietly padded forward on the wooden floor panels and stuck my head in, the door opening up a bit more as I took in the sight.

And what a sight it was.

Viktor was laying on the bed, as still as stone over the covers as Yuuri’s arm kept the Russian man down. Makkachin was already curled up at the edge of Yuuri’s bed, not missing a chance to get in an extra nap.

Biting the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming, I stared at them absentmindedly, aware I should leave and give them some space but unable to move.  
Of course, Viktor probably heard me breathing and twisted his head so that he was looking at me. His face was ridiculously red, reminding me of awkward teenager rather than a five time gold medalist, his teeth biting his own lips as he probably tried to contain his own screams.

‘ _What are you doing?!_ ’ I mouthed, not wanting to wake Yuuri, who simply groaned at Viktor’s slight movement and shifted closer to Viktor’s body. Viktor, the poor guy, looked as if he temporarily short circuited.

‘ _I don’t know!?_ ’ He mouthed back, his face crossed between a pleased smile and terrified gaping, probably knowing as well as I did that the moment Yuuri woke up, he would be kicked out.

My hands went to my cheeks, heat practically radiating off of them. Why was _I_ in Yuuri’s room, anyway?? I was definitely intruding.

Slowly backing up, I kept my eyes on the couple, trading confused glances with Viktor.

Then, Viktor’s eyes widened, his mouth opened as if to warn me, but I bumped into the desk a second too late for his warning.

“Ow!”

“Hmm?” Yuuri began to stir, his entire body shifting under the blankets as he woke up. Not wanting to deal with it, I mouthed ‘ _sorry_ ’ and ‘ _good luck_ ’ before running out the door and leaving Viktor, who was still being held down by Yuuri’s cage-like arm.

It only took another second or two before Yuuri started screaming. Sounds of Viktor trying to explain soon followed.

Thankfully, I was out of sight by then.

-

Breakfast was toast and miso soup for me, opting out of the fish Hiroko had cooked up that morning. Viktor and Yuuri joined a little later, the Russian man sporting a bright red spot on his cheek while Yuuri’s entire face was lit up, bright enough to be mistaken for a stop sign.

Hiroko didn’t seem to miss this, chuckling as she looked the two over, mentioning something about ‘busy morning’ to Yuuri, who simply grumbled and blushed brighter.

They sat down at the table with me, easily sitting side by side despite the obvious rift between them. I ignored the piercing glare Viktor shot me when Yuuri wasn’t looking, pretending to be more interested in my nearly empty soup bowl.

“Here,” Yuuri said shortly, dropping a bowl full of rice in front of Viktor without looking at him. For someone who was upset, giving extra rice to the person you were supposedly upset at was an odd way to show it.

“Yuuri,” Viktor drew out Yuuri’s name, exasperation clear in his voice. “I really didn’t climb in bed, I was just trying wake you up and you grabbed me-.”

Yuuri slammed a pair of chopsticks down near Viktor’s rice bowl, effectively silencing him and anyone else within a five meter distance. There was practically steam coming out of Yuuri’s ears, he was blushing so hard. His glasses hid his eyes, nearly fogged up.

Viktor began to open his mouth again as Yuuri took his hand back, but I shook my head, urging him not to say anything and dig his grave deeper than the pit it already was. He just frowned and turned his attention to his breakfast, sighing at the chopsticks. Despite being 27, he still had trouble eating rice with chopsticks. Ah, maybe that’s why Yuuri gave him so much rice.

“So, Eli, you’re back to training today?” Yuuri asked me, his face still slightly red as he placed a bowl of miso soup near Viktor without even turning his way.

“Uh, I guess,” I replied, looking over at Viktor. He was too busy glancing over at Yuuri to pay attention to me, though.

Secondary character syndrome, please send help.

“You ‘guess’?” Yuuri repeated, letting a disbelieving snort out. “Aren’t you going to participate next season?”

“…Yes…” I replied, wondering just how long I would be stuck here. Until the end of season one? Until I did whatever the light wanted me to do? It was one of those thoughts that had my gut twisting nervously, though, so I pushed it aside like usual.

“Do you have any ideas for your programs, yet?” Yuuri asked, intent on ignoring Viktor, who was still sending him forlorn looks over his mountain of rice as he ate it one grain at a time with his chopsticks.

“Not really, maybe something fun and upbeat?” I said, thinking of a song I had going through my head. It was more on the pop-ish side of things, but then, I didn't actually think I would actually be performing while living here so I hadn't thought about it much.

“Why don’t you make your own music?” I almost choked on the piece of toast that I had innocently just taken a large bite of.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asked, putting down his own chopsticks as he looked over at me.

* _Cough_ * “Yeah.” * _cough, wheeze_ * “Sorry, just wasn’t… expecting that,” I told him, clearing my raw throat a couple more times before chugging some water down. Dry toast is generally delicious unless you’re choking on it.

“Really? I mean, I thought you were more into music than skating…” Yuuri said, giving me a worried smile, probably thinking about my age. I know, I’m old. I’m close to expiring. I should have accomplished more and tried harder-.

“Actually, that sounds like a great idea!” Viktor chirped in, giving up on his rice. “You should do an ice show, with your own music.”

“What?” I gaped, looking between the two that seemed to have mended whatever rift was between them as they nodded at the idea.

“I mean, we haven’t actually heard you play yet, but I’m sure you can whip something up, right?” Viktor continued, picking up a piece of meat from his fish. “A student of mine would be capable of at least that much.”

My stomach twisted as Viktor tossed the fish in his mouth, his earlier trouble with the chopsticks a forgotten memory, the challenging smile he was giving me impossible to ignore.

Don’t get roped into it, don’t fall for it, don’t give in to his childish tactics-.

“Of course,” I huffed, putting on false bravado as I flipped some hair over my shoulder. “I do plan to become a songwriter after skating, after all.”

The words just came out of my mouth, like a broken faucet. There must be a screw loose in my mind, somewhere. I had never actually said that I was going to be a songwriter to anyone, let alone to people who were expecting me to prove myself to them. Despite going to school for music production, I would always tell people I was planning to go into music engineering, a safer, more employable career. One that wouldn’t put too many expectations on me.

“Good! You’ll start working on a song after training today, then,” Viktor said, his dazzling smile mocking me. “Most of the extra people staying here have left, so you’ll have to get right back on schedule. You are already 22, after all.”

Tensing, my eyes went straight to Yuuri, who was busy with his food. I hadn’t actually told Viktor how old I was, only the Japanese marshmallow. Hm.

“Hey Eli, are you done? Let’s head down to the rink now and get a head start,” Yuuri said, stacking his empty dishes up. Viktor started to get up as well, but Yuuri stared him down.

“Are you going to waste all that food?” Yuuri asked, pointedly looking over at the mountain of rice that remained in front of Viktor, whose eyes widened.

“U-uh, I’m not hungry-.”

“So you’re just going to throw it away?” Yuuri’s eyes narrowed, almost challenging. Viktor returned his stare, but quickly gave in, sighing as he sat back down.

“Can I at least have a fork?”

“You know where they are,” Yuuri said, putting his dishes in the dishwasher before leaving the room. I was halfway up, my own dishes in hand as silence took over the room, only Viktor and I left.

“Damn,” I said.

“Damn,” Viktor agreed, getting up to grab himself a fork.

-

Viktor was still eating by the time Yuuri and I left, so we ran together in silence, waving to some familiar faces as they went about their morning routine on our run. Even though it had been a week, I realized I was still in better shape than when I first arrived here. The muscles in my legs were happy tingling, the newly formed connections I had built up working hard to retain their strength. Not that I like running or anything, but I guess it wasn’t… as horrible as it used to be.

“So what kind of music do you usually make?” Yuuri asked, having no trouble breathing.

“Uh,” I said, trying to pretend I was having no trouble breathing. “Lots of stuff.”

“Any classical stuff?” Yuuri asked.

“S-sometimes,” I managed, sure my face was as red as Yuuri’s was earlier this morning.

“Maybe some upbeat classical music would be good for your short program.”

I nearly tripped over my feet, my heart stopping for a moment as my arms flung out, trying to rebalance myself.

“Eli?!” Yuuri stopped running, coming right back from where I almost fell, both of us panting (me more so) as I took a second, happy both of my feet were flat on the ground and I was flailing about anymore.

“I-I’m okay,” I said, raising a hand as I tried to will my heart to calm down already. “Just… surprised.”

“Why?” Yuuri asked, his eyebrows drawn down in an expression crossed between confusion and worry.

“Um, well, I mean, I know I said I’m studying music, but it’s like, I’m… I’m not that good. I know I said I would do it this morning to Viktor, but really, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I told Yuuri, my eyes focused on the ground as I rubbed the back of my neck, actually feeling like running for once. At least I would have an excuse to not talk.  
  
“But shouldn’t you at least try, first?” Yuuri said, frowning. I swallowed hard. This was one of Japan’s top athletes, who worked harder every morning than most people throughout the day. Even if he acted anxious and unsure at times, he put in so many hours just to get to where he was, and deserved to be. Next to me… have I even tried?

“I… I guess,” I conceded, sparing a quick glance up at Yuuri, who simply smiled at me. How could this dork be so inspiring and encouraging and amazing and helpful and-.

“C’mon! We still have practice!” Yuuri yelled at, already running ahead. Snapping to attention, I began to run after him, not wanting to be left behind. Or simply prove that I wasn’t even worthy of his motivation.

I was going through the regular warm ups when Viktor got there, and we all agreed that Yuuri should get the main focus of Viktor’s coaching. I simply practiced all the basic turns and spins in the corner as other two went through the Eros routine together.

Of course, I also shamelessly watched them whenever I got a chance, my heart pounding at the sight of two high level athletes in their zone, being serious and working hard together. And the form fitting clothes were a nice addition.

“Hey, Eli!” Yuuko called me over from the side of the rink, the two guys too enraptured in whatever part of Yuuri’s routine to even notice.

I easily glided over, kicking up a small spray of ice as I stopped in front of Yuuko with a self satisfied smile. If I had even tried to attempt such a feat before coming here, I’m pretty sure I would’ve kicked myself and lost a finger or two.

“Hey Yuuko! What’s up?” I asked, happy to see the other woman. She was only 26, but she was a nice air of fresh breath in her maturity and good nature. It wasn’t hard to see how Yuuri used to have a crush on her.

“Just stopping by to say hi, and to let you guys know that there will be a kid’s class coming in at 12 today,” Yuuko said, smiling.

I smiled back, glad to be having such an easy conversation. No expectations to disappoint or sink.

“Sounds good, I’ll let the guys know,” I told her, about ready to skate over to the others until Yuuko began talking more.

“I also heard from Viktor that you’re going to be making the music for your own skating program! That’s so cool, I didn’t know you could make music,” Yuuko said, her bright smile making my own disappear.

“A-ah, he told you?”

“Yeah! The last event we had drew in such a large crowd, and I’m sure that despite being an unknown skater yourself, just being ‘Viktor’s student’ should bring in a sizable crowd for your own performance,” Yuuko told me, still smiling as I felt like I was dying inside. Viktor. VIKTOR WHAT TH _E HELL_.

“Of course, thanks,” I said, just barely squeaking the words out, my right eyelid already twitching. “If you could excuse me, I need to go talk to Viktor. About the class.” And some other things.

LIKE THE FACT THAT HE _ALREADY DECIDED_ I WOULD BE PREFORMING FOR A CRO _WD WITH MY OWN MUSIC_ WHAT THE HELL YOU BEAUTIFUL RUSSIAN MAN.

“Oh, Eli,” Yuuri noticed me first, his face flushed as he wiped some sweat off his forehead. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” I replied with a forced smile that showed my gritted teeth. “Yuuko just wanted you guys to know that there would be a kid’s class in here at 12 and aLSO VIKT _OR_.” I turned towards Viktor, who simply smiled like there was nothing wrong even though Yuuri was looking between the two of us, knowing something was definitely up.

“Vi _KT_ OR, I just had a VE _R_ Y interesting conversation with Yuuko,” I said, barely containing my emotions as I attempted to deal with this situation like the adult I supposedly was.

“Oh?” Viktor said, still smiling, an almost slyness sneaking into his eyes as he held them on my own.

“Yeah, YEAH, she said that I’m going to PREForm heRE??” I replied, my voice squeaking near the end just at the thought of it. Doing an ice skating performance? As an ice skater? With my own music?? In front of people??? Perhaps lots of people?!???

“Yep! I thought it would be a good way for you to pay your debt off for me and would let you practice your music, as well. Pretty smart, huh?” Viktor laughed carelessly, still smiling as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

It was in that moment I felt a deep, spiritual connection with Yurio for once, understanding the teenager’s own frustration with this man.

“But I didn’t agrE _E_?” I said between gritted teeth. Yuuri was still looking between the two of us, as if torn on who to support.

“Oh? But you said you would do it this morning, right?” Viktor said, looking to Yuuri for support. Yuuri simply sighed and skated over to the edge of the rink for his water, leaving Viktor alone with me.

“You baited me! Plus, I didn’t agree to give a p-performance!” I said, shuffling closer so Yuuri wouldn’t hear the next part. “Besides, I’m not even a real skater, you know that!”

“Exactly! So you don’t even have to worry about practicing skating, right? Do you know how many people would kill to be in that position?” Viktor said, still smiling. I just gaped, unsure of how to respond to that.

“You’re a songwriter, right? So write a song! I’ll help you get whatever you need as you work on your music. This way you get to do something you love while I get back some of the money I already spent on you!”

“B-but-.”

“Tell me, Eli,” Viktor said, his smile getting a little too wide as he got closer. “I’ve been wondering this for a while, but if you really don’t exist here, or have any actual intention of becoming a skater, just how were you planning to repay me?”

I bit my lip, cold sweat going down my back as I looked down at the ice. He got me there.

“See? So this really just works for the best. Speaking of which, I should really focus on Yuuri’s progress, so you’ll spend your mornings working on your music from now on,” Viktor said, his gaze going over towards where Yuuri was talking to Yuuko at, his smile dropping to a frown.

“Yuuri! No slacking off, we still haven’t found the music for your free skate yet!” Viktor said, skating over to Yuuri without so much as a glance back at me. No, Viktor, you’re not thirsty at all.

“And Eli! Why don’t you go to the gym ahead of us?” Viktor called out to me, his attention on Yuuri. This thirsty mother-.

“No problem,” I replied, wearing a smile that might’ve caused someone to make the mistake of thinking I just swallowed half of a juicy, tart lemon.

I skated off the ice, sighing as I headed over to the counter to put my rental skates away. Seeing as I rented them so often, they just kept a pair for me under the counter, and I could take them as I pleased, as long as I cleaned them out and took care of them.

“Eli, you’re going already?” Nishigori peered out from behind a shelf, nearly scaring me out of my skin. How did I not notice the big guy??

“Uh, yeah. I got to start working on my performance, I guess,” I said, laughing nervously. Ah, laughter, the best way to cover up any uneasy feelings around people you don’t know well.

“Oh yeah, Viktor told us about that. Looking forward to it!” He said, grinning. My face for hot as I waved and speed walked out of there. Oh my god, Viktor, just announce it over the town’s loud speakers, why don’t you??

After going through my usual work out routine at the gym, showering, and get a clean pair of clothes (that were part of the debt Viktor was now holding over my head), I went over to Yu-topia for lunch.

-

“Hey Eli! You’re back early. How’s training for your performance going?” I nearly spat out my food from Mari’s greeting. Viktor… when did he even have time _to_ -

“Uh, well, I got to make the music first, I guess,” I said, wondering how I would even start. Yuuri did say I could use his keyboard whenever I wanted.

“Although I can still help out around here if you guys need help,” I quickly added, not forgetting I was eating the Katsuki’s food and living in their inn for free (well, in a closet, but I digress).

“Don’t worry about that too much, the work load has really died down since the competition,” Mari said, giving me a good natured smile. “But you’re going to make your own music? That’s cool.”

I held back my hand, which desperately wanted to slap my face. I mean, she probably would’ve found out sooner or later, but for now it was just another person expecting something I may not be able to deliver.

“Er, yeah, cool,” I said, barely laughing it off. Shit, the nerves were really getting to me and I haven’t even started working on the music yet.

“Eli? What’s wrong?” She asked, not missing the obvious fake laughter. Once again I had to resist the urge to slap my palm to my face.

“It’s nothing, just a little nervous,” I said, forcing myself to give her a reassuring smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve written a song.”

“Oh yeah? Well don’t worry too much, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Mari said, as if that’s all there was to it.

“Thanks,” I told her, shoving down the protests of how it wouldn’t actually be fine and taking her reassurance as it was, like an adult. Because I was an adult, and I said I would do this, so I would. Plus, everyone one and their mother already seemed to know about it, so it’s not like I could just back out of it now.

  
That’s how I found myself in Yuuri’s room, sitting down with his keyboard in front of me, already plugged into the wall, on light green and ready.

It was a midi keyboard, the USB plug neatly rolled up and taped onto the back, thank goodness. I doubt Yuuri even knew how to use it, given the amount of dust on the machine, and I was surprised that the USB cord hadn’t been lost over time. Well, he was in the US for five years, after all.

Hesitating, I pressed one of the keys, almost jumping out of my skin when a loud sin wave filled Yuuri’s room and probably half of the inn. The volume was all the way up, something I somehow missed while I was setting the board up.

Face burning red, I quickly turned down the knob, lightly tapping on the keys until it was nice and quiet, at a level that wouldn’t bother any of the other guests staying at the inn. Sighing, I wondered when Yuuri would get back. If I could hook it up to his computer and use the headphones, I wouldn’t have to worry about noise level. As it was, though, I only had permission to use the keyboard.

Stretching my fingers, I began some simple chords up and down the keys, my hands quickly warming up at the familiar exercises. Ah, that one week I had to memorize three different minor scale and their enharmonic equivalents.

Fucking Eb minor. I spent hours before the test on that one.

It all paid off, I suppose, as my fingers easily worked up and down the keyboard in tandem for the minor key, the haunting notes flowing up and down at an ever increasing pace as I kept going.

And then I accidentally hit E. Whoops, that certainly isn’t in Eb.

Stretching my arms out in front of me, I set my hands in position for one of the many songs I had to learn last year. We weren’t required to memorize them, but I had spent enough hours bent over a piano working on the damn things that I had accidentally committed several of them to memory.

C to E, then back down a third in the right hand as the left ascended in a quirky fifth. Even in the electronic piano tone, the sound of music surrounding me was relaxing. I forgot that I was sitting on a hard wood floor, nothing to support my back as I hunched over the old keyboard, stuck in a place that shouldn’t exist. The ache in my muscles from exercising earlier was forgotten as I closed my eyes, letting muscle memory guide my fingers.

Soon enough I was humming along, my throat buzzing as I worked on getting the right pitch and warming up my vocal chords. As soon as that was finished, my hands automatically went to the next song I played every time I sat in front of the keyboard, an original piece of my own.

Despite never playing in front of a person, I had been practicing it before I even knew what chords were, when I was still trying to navigate the complicated world of music without any practical knowledge on the subject, just a will and drive.

The song had gone through some changes during my education, shaping into a more complex melody with chords I made a simple arpeggio to accompany it in my left hand. Of course, I started singing as well, the lyrics flowing out in a well practiced and carefree fashion, hitting each pitch without trouble. At this point, I probably could sing the entire song in pitch without even listening to the music; quite the accomplishment for a nearly tone-deaf person like myself.

I was almost lost in my own world, the familiar pull of the music lulling me into a sense of serenity. At least, it was serene until I noticed the people watching me from the doorway.

Then I sputtered and crashed my hands on the keyboard, completely ruining the song.

“H-hEy guYS!” I said, breathing hard as my wide eyes took in Yuuri and Viktor, both of whom looked at each other before turning back to me, probably surprised at the way my voice was cracking more than a teenage boy that just hit the mother load of hormones.

“That was really good, Eli, what song was it?” Yuuri asked, stepping into his room. Viktor hesitated for a moment more at Yuuri’s door before following him in, making the small room feel slightly crowded.

“O-oh, it’s nothing, just something I’m working on,” I replied, keeping my head down as I tried to control my breathing.

“Really? Because that sounded great! I’m sure you’ll be able to make a song for your performance in no time,” Viktor said, sitting down at Yuuri’s desk. Yuuri was going through his closet, getting some clothes out.

“Yeah, you never told us you could sing,” Yuuri added over his shoulder as he threw some clothes on his bed. I didn’t miss the way Viktor was watching Yuuri, but when he caught me staring and simply shrugged and resumed, cheeks lightly tinted pink now. I turned around to see what he was staring at, finding that Yuuri was in a pair of tight exercise pants, and his shirt had ridden up, completely exposing his butt.

I glanced back at Viktor, giving him a thumbs up. Viktor returned it.

“What are you guys doing?” Yuuri turned around, closing his closet door.

“Nothing,” we replied in unison. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, feeling much better.

Performing in front of others hadn’t been a problem when I was younger and obsessed with plays, but at some point over the years my anxiety started getting the best of me and I found it hard to breath or think when others’ eyes were on me.

It would be interesting to see how this performance Viktor roped me into would go. Maybe I could just make the music and let Yuuri skate to it? But he still had to work on his programs for the skating season and besides, my music wasn’t good enough for him, Japan’s top skater, to use.

“Right…” Yuuri said, looking between the two of us with a frown, “Viktor? Didn’t you say you wanted to go to the Onsen?” Yuuri asked his coach, his own cheeks gaining a bit of color as he readjusted his glasses.

“Oh, right, yeah, I’ll meet you there, then,” Viktor said, getting up from the chair and leaving the room, looking between Yuuri and I before going to to his own room.

Yuuri let a long, hard sigh escape then, collapsing back on his bed.

“Are you alright?” I asked, surprised at Yuuri’s sudden change.

“Yeah, yeah, just… there are moments I forget that it’s… Viktor Nikiforov, and then when I remember, well, I can’t believe some of things I said, I mean, like this morning!” Yuuri exclaimed, covering his face with his hands while keeping his voice down, not oblivious that the person he was talking about was on the other side of the walls. “I told him to get his own fork, and, and, oh gosh.”

It was so cute to see Yuuri, someone who could probably crush my head like a watermelon with his thighs, rolling around in his bed, embarrassed. If I had a camera…

“Don’t worry about it, he needs to be taken down a peg or two every once in a while,” I told Yuuri, trying not to laugh at his predicament. “Besides, he’s human. You can’t keep him on his pedestal all the time. Or really, ever. His ego is big enough as it is.”

“Eli…” Yuuri said, looking at me from his bed with an eyebrow raised.

“C’mon, you know it’s true!” I said, starting to feel embarrassed myself. “Besides, shouldn’t you guys be getting ready for the gym? It’s barely afternoon.”

“Viktor said he was tired after spending a week teaching two students, and wanted to take a break early. We’re going to go back out to practice later.”

 _Riiight_. More like he wanted an excuse to see you naked.

“Oh, he also wanted to talk to you about your performance.” _Urk._ Breath in, breath out, still alive? Good.

“Cool,” I said, a tight smile in place until I remembered what I needed to ask before.

“Hey Yuuri, do you think I could borrow your computer a bit to work on my music? Viktor doesn’t have one and since you have an Apple, I can just use GarageBand on it for free.” It wasn’t the best set up, really, but I’ve worked with less. Ah, the days before I knew what a chord was.

“Uhhh.”

“It would just be while you guys are at practice, so not when you’re using it. I mean, I guess I could get Viktor to buy a computer, but…” I trailed off, not wanting to talk about how that would just put me further in debt.

I wonder if one performance would be enough?

Ughhh….Would I even make it through just one?

“I mean, I guess. Just be careful with it, please?” Yuuri said, looking between his computer and me.

“Don’t worry, I will sell my soul to an incorporeal spirit of light that can travel between realities before letting anything harm your laptop,” I said, holding my hand over my heart in promise.

“That is... oddly specific, but alright. It isn’t password protected so you can just go for it, but… yeah. Later,” Yuuri said, collecting the clothes off his bed as he walked out, glancing back at his computer one last time before heading out.

Taking a deep breath, I picked up Yuuri’s keyboard from the ground and carefully placed it on the desk next to Yuuri’s laptop.

My mind already drowning in ‘what if’s and other problems I could encounter with the downgraded software on a computer I wasn’t familiar with. That, and my own lack of skill.

Shaking my head to try and calm myself down, I opened the laptop, smiling when I saw that Yuuri’s background was a picture of Viktor skating, in costume at some event. His face was clear of any little files or folders that littered the screen. Guess he didn’t take down all of his Viktor stuff, then.

“Time to make some music, I guess.”


	7. Gah! Character Development for Mary Sue?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which my self insert character, AKA Mary Sue, gets a heavy dose of reality and the challenges that come with it.
> 
> Not everyone is talented, but everyone who is talented has worked really, really hard for it. Like, seriously. It's rediculous, really.

The music sucks. Unbelievably so.

Biting away at my lower lip, I exit out of Garageband, not hesitating to click the ‘do not save’ button. There was nothing to save. More like end it’s pitiful existence as soon as possible.

I had spent three hours hunched over Yuuri’s desk already, butt numb and back complaining but nothing to show for it. What kind of music did skaters use, anyways? I mean, it’s not like I could pull a Plushenko with ‘Sex Bomb’ or something like that, although it would be hilarious.

No, I had to take this seriously. Like an adult. I said I would do it and damn it I would do it.

…Just not right now.

Getting up, I decided I would be more productive not wrapped up in self loathing or giving into the itch to go onTumblr to see what kind of stuff people posted in this world (plus that might crossing some line Yuuri had so graciously extended for me just by letting me use his computer).

Mari was happy enough to see me for the dinner rush, and I was quickly put to work, too busy to think about my situation. Just the way I like it.

At least, for a while.

The next day, Viktor tells me to just stay home and work on the music, going off to the rink with a grin on his face as he followed Yuuri. Despite sitting on Yuuri’s crappy plastic chair for hours, I once again found nothing worked. It wasn’t just the limited technology I was working with (and there was no way I would ask Viktor to buy a better DAW- my debt was high enough), but I couldn’t find the right chords, the right melody, the right feel. None of it sounded right.

This one was too sad, that one too happy, that one would probably raise the dead. What was I even trying to do here? Necromancy?

Soon enough, I broke my own rules and went on Tumblr, disappointed to see that the YOI community I had grown so close to over the last few months was non-existent, but there were several blogs dedicated to capturing everything Yuuri Katsuki. One was just pictures of his face in the middle of skating and looking ridiculous, his lazer-focus as he skated creating some of the most interesting facial expressions for a second that was thankfully captured and uploaded to the internet.

Of course, I felt guilty for looking up such things online (on his account, none the less. He just followed a bunch of food and skating blogs. Lots of Viktor stuff. Hadn't found his porn yet) and went back to help at the Onsen.

The next day was pretty much the same, as well as the next and the next after that one.

“How’s the music going, Eli?” Mari asked one day while we were putting away towels. Tensing, I became as rigid as a board, nearly choking on my own spit despite not even speaking yet.

“O-oh, you know.” I laughed, waving my hand in the air as if that explained everything.

“Right…”

I ran off to put away the towels, then, saving myself from anymore BS hand waving explanations.

On the sixth day of this, Viktor nonchalantly asked if he could listen to the music. I nearly threw up in my mouth.

To think, hearing Viktor ask me something and almost throwing up in my mouth. How far have I fallen?

“Well, you see, it’s, uh, it’s,” I started, pausing to take a desperate drink of water, Viktor’s carefree expression getting more and more suspicious with each second that passed after the initial question as I continued to gulp down the water. Of course, I soon emptied the glass.

“I… want it to be a surprise!” I said, snapping my fingers and feeling relieved that I was able to buy myself a little more time. What a good lie, given how easily Viktor believed my BS when I first got here, he should easily accept-.

“Eli, this isn’t something that should be a surprise, I have to start thinking about what kind of choreography you’re going to do and I’m still waiting on Yuuri’s own music for his freeskate.”

I didn’t miss the way Yuuri’s shoulders tensed up when Viktor mentioned him.

“Ah, yeah, the free skate… What kind of music are you thinking about, Yuuri?” I asked, desperate to change the subject. No one missed the obvious diversion, Yuuri looking the least happiest with it.

And me, the one who pushed the subject change.

Ah, I almost felt guilty.

“Uh, well, I’m trying to find something that compliments Eros, so maybe a classical piece?” Yuuri said, holding up his fingers as he hummed. “There’s some Beethoven pieces I’ve been looking at, as well some of Bach’s Cantatas… Or maybe something more modern, like Debussy…”

“Really? Why don’t you just have something original created?” I asked, almost forgetting how long it took before Yuuri figured out his Free Skate program.

“Eh?” Yuuri gave me an incredulous look, as if I was the crazy one. “But that’s so expensive. Are you offering?” he laughed, and I laughed with him. There was no way I would be able to re-make ‘Yuri on Ice’ with Garageband, not with those cringe worthy MIDI violins.

“Actually, I think that’s a good idea,” Viktor said, turning his head towards Yuuri. “Didn’t you say there was a piece that you tried to have made when we talked to Celestino earlier? What about that?”

“Oh, that?” Yuuri said, a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks. “I mean, you can listen to it, but I don’t think it’s good enough…”

“I think I’ll be the one to decide that. Besides, you’re running out of time. I have to choreograph something for both you and Eli, and Eli seems to be having trouble herself,” Viktor said, smiling at me. Urk. Subject change did not work. Repeat, throwing Yuuri under the bus did not stop the Viktor guilt train.

“N-no I’m not,” I said defensively, although with the way even Yuuri turned an eyebrow at me, I knew I wasn’t convincing anyone.

Crap.

-

Viktor didn’t mention anything else about it for the rest of dinner, but after we finished cleaning dishes and he asked me to go out drinking with him, I knew I was in for it.

Still, as anxious as the confrontation made me, I wasn’t about to say no to drinking with Viktor mother fucking Nikiforov.

So we ended up in our ‘usual’ corner at Minako’s bar, me nursing a sweet tasting alcoholic drink Minako suggested while Viktor had some dark alcohol I couldn’t pronounce.

“So…” Viktor started, looking over me from his drink. He wasn’t going at it like he did last time we went drinking, when Yuuri admitted to food being his eros.

“So…” I echoed, not sure where to start, or really if I should. Maybe I should just get drunk today? Viktor was picking up the tab, and it’s not like it would take more than three of these sweet mixes to get me drunk beyond a serious conversation. Yeah, what a solid plan.

“What’s been going on with your music?” Chug, Eli, chug. The sooner you’re drunk the sooner you can pretend nothing is wrong like a normal adult.

“Uh, well, you know,” I said, taking another large drink. “I just, need some more time? Maybe…”

“Thirsty?” Viktor half-joked, half-mothered me.

“Yep,” I replied, finishing off the drink.

“I’ll go get both of us another,” I said, nodding towards Viktor’s half empty drink while carting off my own towards Minako’s bar.

Viktor didn’t say anything, but I could certainly feel his eyes on me. Judging me. Urk.

“Eli, back so soon?” Minako said when I came over, looking at my empty drink.

“Thirsty, I guess,” I told her. “Another for both of us. Well, I mean, not the sweet thing you made me for Viktor, but whatever you poured before.. I guess.”

“You okay there?” Minako asked as she started mixing together a lot of colorful liquids to what was probably my drink, the nightmare of diabetics.

“O-of course,” I replied, my smile becoming only slightly strained.

“Hmm, right. Yuuri told me you were having trouble with your music.” My jaw nearly dropped to the floor as my face heated up in embarrassment. First off, Yuuri never said anything to me except for that talk during dinner, but to know that he had been watching and thinking of me, oh my. I wanted to cry. This beautiful, beautiful man. He was actually worried about me?

But wait, why/when did he talk to Minako about this?

Did _everyone_ know?

I mean, I guess it has almost been a week and I have nothing to show for it. Yuuri was worried enough that he talked to Minako about it, or at least told her about it. Yuuri, the guy who worked so hard for his dreams, was worrying about me, who had been dicking around for almost a week.

Huh.

“Yeah… I guess,” I confessed, sighing. How much longer could i continue to lie? Things weren’t going well, and just avoiding the fact like usual wouldn’t get me anywhere.

“Don’t worry too much about it, it happens all the time with things like this. You’ll figure it out,” Minako said as she placed two drinks in front of me. Smiling, I thanked her and sat back down at the table with Viktor, who simply took the drink and waited for me to say something.

“So… I’ve been having… some trouble,” I began, fingers tapping against the cold glass in my hands as I found my drink much more interesting than Viktor’s face. Never thought I'd see the day.

“And?” Viktor said, my eyes catching a flicker of movement as he waved his hand, urging me to continue.

“And…. I don’t have any music ready. At all.” The grip on my glass loosened as I went slack, hating how pathetic I was. Viktor sighed, probably more than disappointed at me now that he realized he was over confident in my abilities. Of course, it was my own fault for not correcting him, for taking the bait. Like a kid.

“But you have been trying to make something, right?”

“Of course!” I said a little too loudly, my hands tightening into fists as I tried to keep myself calm. I wasn’t even drunk yet, I couldn’t have a break down here. I would’ve taken a sip of the drink to give my mind something else to think about but my hands were shaking too much.

“I just… None of it is right. It doesn’t sound good, I… I can’t do it,” I said, head falling as I finally said it. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve had to throw in the towel for a project. I just wasn’t good enough.

“So you’re giving up?” Viktor asked, his voice cold. I didn’t dare look up, my mouth twisting into a frown as I kept quiet. What could I say? How did I ever think I could even do this in the first place? Taking on such a request from someone I respected and looked up to, knowing that it could… and did… end in disappointment. Foresight would’ve helped. Or sewing my big mouth shut.

For the first time since I came there, I seriously wanted to leave. To go home, to go to another country, to just go somewhere that wasn’t here, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this, so I could try to forget this ever happened.

Unfortunately, there was no bright asshole light to send me off somewhere with only a few cryptic words again as I sat across from Viktor in Minako’s dimly lit bar. There were a few other patrons quietly talking on the other side of the bar, but the silence between Viktor and I felt deafening, almost roaring in my ears. My hands fell into my lap, playing with the hem of my sweater (compliments of Viktor, of course) as I tried to ignore the way they were shaking or sweating.

I couldn’t raise my eyes any higher than the cold glass in front of me, watching as some condensation rolled down the glass, like rain against a window.

Then, Viktor broke the silence, clearly not wanting to wait for me anymore.

“You know I like Yuuri, right?” The question, if it could really be called that, had me gaping at Viktor in record time, my shaking hands forgotten.

“Er, wha- yeah, yeah, of course,” I stuttered, almost getting whiplash from the sudden change of topic.

“Yuuri… he’s not like I expected, to be honest,” Viktor said, looking at the drink in his hands, the earlier coldness from his voice gone.

“From the time I’ve spent here, really getting to know him, I realize that he’s very different from the person I met at the banquet, he’s…” Viktor paused, hand waving about as he struggled for words. “Quieter, introverted, and even ignores me at times.”

A smile played across his lips, despite the almost critique of Yuuri’s personality. Before I could object, however, he started talking again.

“He’s also so kind, unbelievably selfless, and makes me think about how I treat others. How I am as a person.” Viktor took a second for a short drink, my heart almost stopping in his break. I was hanging off every word he said, wondering where the hell this confession came from, but beyond happy to hear it with my own ears.

“Really, everyday I seem to find out something new about him, and he never fails to surprise me,” Viktor said, allowing a small sigh out. “I don’t know what he thinks about me, I know he idolized me a bit-.” (Viktor, you have _no_ idea) “-But I don’t think it’s the same thing I’m feeling. Despite this, I’m not going to push him into anything his uncomfortable with, and I’ll just stay by his side however I can, for as long as I can. Whatever he’ll give me…”

Excuse me, slowly turning into literal mush here. Melting. How did I deserve this heart-felt monologue that was already bringing tears to my eyes?

“Because when you love something, you do whatever you can to be closer to it, even if it’s not exactly what you want, right?” Viktor said, finally looking up and meeting my eyes with his electrifying stare. Of course, all of my focus was already on him, not wanting to miss even a second of what he looked like during this sobering speech.

When his blue eyes latched onto my own, it was like a spell had been cast because I couldn’t look away. Did Georgi teach him some witch spells because I don’t think this was natural.

“…Right,” I replied, unable to escape his gaze and giving him the answer I'm pretty sure he was waiting for.

“Eli.” ( _omg don’t say my name while looking me right in the eyes I don’t have the heart for this_ )

“You love music, right?” Viktor asked, raising his eyebrows as he waited for my answer. He was still pulling this spell crap so of course I had to answer since I wasn’t about to look away.

“…Yes. Yeah.”

“Then what’s holding you back? You said none of it sounded right, so make more until something sounds okay. Then keep working on it until it sounds right. I didn’t get to where I am today just by waiting until something ‘felt right’. I practiced, practiced, and kept practicing even when I was sure it was a lost cause.”

“But why?” I interrupted, unable to stop myself, my throat oddly dry as I tried to keep my breathing steady. “Why would you keep trying even if you know it wasn’t going to work?”

“Because,” Viktor said, grinning. “I knew I would make it work.”

I leaned back against the hard wood of the seat, feeling almost like a child with Viktor’s advice being as simple as that. Like it was just that simple.

“But I can’t ‘ _make it work_ ’. I’m just not that good,” I said, stubbornly crossing my arms. I knew I was definitely acting like a child now, but the frustration holding on to me was relentless, so it was either get mad or cry. Getting mad seemed like a slightly better option at this point.

“Says who? Are you as bad as you were when you started?” Ugh, that reminds me of the music I tried to create before knowing what chords were.

“Well, no-.”

“Have you gotten better since going to school?” Hours upon hours of practice on both the piano and the fucking four-part writing weren’t for nothing.

“I mean, yes, but-.”

“Then why can’t you make it work? You should know by now that the only way to get better is to fail,” Viktor said, looking down at me as he took a sip like the fucking extra person he was.

Biting my lip, I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that it was stupid, but I couldn’t. Because he was right; only through my many, _many_ failures, have I ever achieved success. If I stopped after the first time I messed up on the piano, I wouldn’t be able to play all the songs I could now. If I stopped studying music just because it was hard, I wouldn’t be able to understand each of the different chord types and how to use them.

I twisted my lips into a frown before grabbing the drink in front of me and angrily gulping it down. Viktor started laughing.

“Ah, so you can see I’m right?” He asked as I put down the empty glass and sighed, any remaining anger leaving with it.

“Yeah, yeah, Viktor, the skating genius, is right,” I said, waving my hand like a white flag.

“Of course. I had to fail a lot before I became who I am now, though. There were a lot of times I wanted to give up,” Viktor said, sighing dramatically.

I smiled, knowing that feeling. There were lots of times I had wanted to give up as well, and even at times I had ‘given up’ but in the end, after some time had passed….

“You couldn’t… No matter how much you want to give up, no matter how hard it gets, you can’t help but go back to it.” I bit my lip as soon as I realized what I said, blushing hard as Viktor beamed his million watt smile at me, but not looking away.

“Right. Since you seem to understand, tell me why you haven’t been able to make a song, then?”

“I…” Sighing, I took a short drink, glad to see my hands weren’t shaking as much now. “I guess I was trying to run away when I kept failing to find the right sound… My usual habit, really.”

Habits can be changed, though. I mean, if I can show up in the story I’ve been obsessing over for months with the magical ability to skate, then I can stop running away.

“But I… I’ll do it,” I said, looking back up at Viktor, my cheeks still slightly hot. “It’s a challenge, sure, but I… I want to do it, so I’ll figure it out.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Viktor said, grinning as he took finished his drink, setting down the emptied glass with gusto.

“Now how about we toast to this new development?” Viktor said, already picking up our empty glasses to get them filled.

I watched him go, feeling a little terrified, but also lighter. Sure, I still had to figure this song out, but it was just one of the many challenges I would have to face. How could I ever become a serious song writer if I couldn’t create at least one song for this?

I wanted to do it. I wanted to prove myself, I wanted to be better.

-

“Aaand then, he let me comb his hair,” Viktor said, cheeks a healthy red color, but not from the chilly night air.

“He just ‘let’ you just comb it?”

“I mean, I got tired of watching him trying to do it himself so I kind of just took over, but after he complained a bit I just said ‘it’s what a coach should do’ and he let me,” Viktor explained.

“You mean he sighed and gave up, right?” I added, giggling. I hadn’t been there when Yuuri and Yurio were getting ready for their competition, but Viktor was more than happy to fill in the details. Specifically of how he got to help Yuuri get ready.

“You wound me, Eli.”

“But it’s not wrong, right?”

“…”

“In any case,” Viktor continued, as if nothing was wrong. “I’m just going to keep doing it. I am his coach, after all.”

“Did Yahov used to style your hair before competitions?” I asked, giving Viktor a side glance. He gasped in terror.

“I am fully capable of doing my own hair,” he said, affronted.

“And Yuuri isn’t?”

“…...”

-

The next morning I got right to work as soon as Yuuri and Viktor left, Makkachin at my feet, supportive in her sleepy state.

I deleted everything I worked on in the last week that I saved to feel like I was doing something, starting with a fresh slate. Then, I ‘borrowed’ a piece of paper and pen from Yuuri’s desk, pulling up youtube to listen to some of my favorite music, as well as watching some figure skaters’ programs for inspiration.

One of my main frustrations was not making what I wanted to hear, but then I didn’t know what I wanted to hear, I had just hoped I would find something while messing around. It had worked before, but given that I just wasted a whole week, it wasn’t really working now.

There were classical pieces, piano concertos, pop songs, emotional masterpieces that made me wonder what I was even trying to do; there was a lot. But I listened to it all, taking notes of specific melodies or harmonies that I liked, instruments that gave a certain feeling I wanted to emulate, or even just pictures of figure skaters, trying to capture the feeling they put into their own skating.

After an hour of this, my foot was tapping impatiently, making Makkachin abandon me for the bed in annoyance. But I was too into it to give her a proper apology, my gut telling me I was close. As I watched a clip of Yuuri skating one of his older programs (he had a ton, he was actually pretty popular and people had all sorts of interesting clips of him online), I started to feel a progression in the back of my head.

Pausing the video and throwing up garageband, I put in the midi notes, First putting them in a standard 4 bar 1 chord per bar before stretching certain notes, putting just a bit of rhythm to it. Then the melody, which took a few tries of free styling on the piano, but with a little work in the midi box, I found myself grinning, pulling up a new instrument, a drum kit.

I found my song.

-

It was late in the afternoon when Yuuri found me still crouched over his computer as Makkachin whined about not getting enough love. I literally jumped in the air when Yuuri put a hand on my shoulder.

“Eli?” Yuuri looked between the screen, which was full of annotations and midi notes, and my face, which probably had the usual haunted expression I get when I start working on a song and forgetting I’m a human.

“How was practice?” I asked, saving the project once more, in both of the two places I had it stored, before closing the laptop and stretching my limbs out.

“Good. How’s your music going?” Yuuri asked, going over to his closet for clothes once he probably realized I was fine.

“Good, actually. I think I found my song,” I said, grinning at Yuuri, who happily returned it. “What about you? How’s the search for your music going?”

Yuuri’s shoulder’s dropped at my question, turning back to his closet.

“Ah, well, I showed Viktor the song I had made, but yeah… It’s not good enough.” Right, the first version of the song was about his skating career but it was about the parts that weren’t all that good or something- he needs the new version, the one that I listened to on repeat for hours while reading YOI fan fiction and crying hysterically after the finale.

“What if… What if you asked the person who made the song to try again?” I suggested, wondering if I was interfering with the original plot too much by saying such things, but given that I was already taking up some of Viktor’s time, Yuuri had to finish his song as soon as possible.

“Ehh, I don’t know… I don’t even know how to contact her…”

“Yuuri, as a fellow songwriter, I feel that she would be more than grateful if you gave her a second chance to make it right, to create the perfect song for you,” I said, feeling oddly empowered for once. Perhaps it was the successful songwriting session this morning.

“You guys met at school, right? Just ask Phichit if he knows how to contact her,” I added, hoping I wasn’t giving away that I knew too much.

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask…” Yuuri said, sighing.

“Right. So I’ll go take a break and help out at the Inn while you do that,” I said, hopping up from the chair.

“Okay, thanks,” Yuuri said as I started to leave.

“Huh? What’s all this writing?” I froze, forgetting that I left my ‘page of inspiration’ right on Yuuri’s desk, in plain view.

“Wha- are those-?” Ah right, while watching the skating programs, I ended up drawing a lot of asses around the writing, because I’m me. There were plenty of drawings that included Yuuri’s ass, as well.

“Sorry!” I quickly ran away like the responsible adult I was.

-

The next few days were spent like that, getting a bit further each day as I worked on the song, adding things here, adjusting levels there, even somehow creating an original midi instrument with garageband’s lackluster VSTI instrument options.

By the 4th day, I was ready to show Viktor. After he frowned, I spent another two days crying and reworking it until I could show both Viktor and Yuuri, this time getting the stamp of approval.

Yuuri got a message back from Ketty, the girl who made his song the first time, with a new and improved version. He woke Viktor (and consequently, me) up at 2am just to show him.

I pretended to be asleep when I peeked through the sliding door at the two, somehow unable to say anything when I saw Yuuri straddling Viktor, on the bed, as if it was no big deal. In his excitement, he accidentally stepped on Makkachin’s tail, prompting her to jump off the bed and seek refuge in my bed. Neither of the two noticed, Yuuri too wrapped up in showing Viktor the music and Viktor too wrapped up with Yuuri literally sitting on top of him.

Viktor gave Yuuri a bright smile as he listened to the music, quickly waking up as it played in his ears. Yuuri mirrored it, both of them looking much too awake as they stared at each other.

My heart nearly stopped when Yuuri bent over to give Viktor (who was very much -half- naked, mind you) a hug.

Viktor’s tense reaction was similar to my own, as if he short circuited just from Yuuri’s touch. His eyes fell to the right and caught me as I continued to stare, mouth open. Unable to move with Viktor’s eyes on me, I gave him a thumb’s up. He frowned.

Yuuri’s hug didn’t last long, as he quickly got back up, grabbing his laptop up with a smile still bright on his face, saying something about sending a thank you to Ketty as both Viktor and I watched him in awe.

“He… What just happened?” Viktor asked, whether to me or to himself, I wasn’t sure.

“I guess he’s getting more comfortable with casual touches?” I suggested, feeling a yawn as my warm bed called out to me.

“Hmm.” Viktor tapped a finger to his lips before looking over at me. “There are some other empty rooms at the Inn, right? That small closet can’t be too comfortable.”

I just gave Viktor a flat, judging stare before closing the door and going to give Makkachin all the cuddles she deserves.

-

The next few days I began to work out in the rink with Yuuri and Viktor again, although it was mostly just going over the basics and included a much shorter work out compared to Yuuri’s. After lunch I would help out at the Inn, and occasionally rework or add to the song. Art is never fully complete, after all. At some point the artist just gets too sick of it to continue.

I was getting a bit sick of it already, but I wanted it to be the best it could be, damnit.

 

One day I stayed behind in the morning to help out at the Inn, jogging over to the rink a bit later.

Spring was fully upon us now, the day hot enough that I could get away without wearing a jacket, enjoying the bright flowers popping up in people’s gardens and in random patches along the road.

When I got to the rink, there were a couple of people hanging outside of it, something that struck me as a little odd given that they were older guys in suits, probably mid thirties. What were they doing hanging outside a rink in the middle of a week day? Weird.

Of course, even though I was trying to ignore them, I could feel their eyes on me as I ran up the steps, coming right up to me before I could get to the rink’s doors.

“Hello!” One of them cheerfully greeted in English, flashing a bright smile at me. I smiled back in a well practiced motion, years of retail service not letting me do otherwise.

“Hi?” I said, wondering if they were guests from the Inn. Had I met them before? I was terrible with faces, after all. Best to be polite.

“You’re an ice skater?” the same man asked, still wearing his charming smile as he stood relaxed. Probably from the Inn, I guess. No one else knew me here.

“Yeah, I’m training with Viktor and Yuuri right now, I’m actually a little late so-.”

“You’re training with Yuuri Katsuki? And Viktor Nikiforov?”

“Uh, yeah? I’m one of Viktor’s students, I guess,” I said, trying to explain it. I mean, it was an unusual situation already, a foreigner that could barely speak Japanese living here, much less training here.

The man quickly looked over to the other guy beside him, quickly speaking in Japanese, low enough that I couldn’t make out anything they were saying.

“Um, right, so I’m just going to go…” I said, trying to walk back, towards the rink, wondering why they were so interested in me.

“Wait, can we get your name?” The man asked in English, grabbing a small notebook out of his front pocket and flipping to an empty page.

“Uhhhh, Eli?”

“How old are you? Where are you from? You don’t have a Russian accent… American?”

“Uh, what?”

 _Flash!_ A camera that seemed to appear out of no where began snapping shots, the quiet man pointing his DSLR right at me. What? WHAT?! WHERE DID HE EVEN HIDE THAT THING??

“Uh-ah, byE!” I said, running towards the rink, heart hammering. What was going on?? Who were those people? Where did that camera come out of?? My face heated up as I tried to wrap around what just happened, torn between embarrassment and being upset.

“Eli? Are you okay?” Yuuko poked her head out from behind the rental counter, a pen in her hand as she wrote stuff down on a clipboard in front of her.

“Haha, funny story,” I said, trying to calm myself as I walked over to her, still trying to process what just happened. “There’s these two guys outside and I thought they were from the Inn or something but they started asking all these questions and took a picture… is that normal? I mean, I’ve been living in Japan for a few months now but I don’t think that’s normal?”

“Ahh, were they wearing suits?” Yuuko asked, her smile dropping.

“Yeah?”

“Then it was probably the press… sorry, I thought we got rid of them. They had been hanging around ever since Viktor posted his location on Instagram… I guess you were too busy with the Inn to deal with the actual reporters, huh?” She chewed her lip, trying to smile but failing. Crap. Not a good sign.

“What did you say to them?” She asked, not beating around the bush.

“Uh, just said hi, I guess.” I tapped a finger against the tight line of my mouth, trying to recall the parts of the conversation that were important. “Oh, I told them my name. Just my first name. Is that okay?”

“I think so…” Yuuko’s eyes trailed over towards the rink, to where Yuuri’s new song was playing as Viktor danced to the tune, Yuuri watching him near the edge of the rink.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Yuuko told me, giving me her best smile, probably hoping to reassure me. I mirrored it, hoping she was right, that everything would be fine.

 

Everything was, in fact, not fine.

 

Practice went well enough, until Yuuri took a break and scrolled through his phone, nearly choking on his water when he caught sight of something on it.

“What’s wrong, Yuuri? Did Phichit post another throw back picture of you in college?” Viktor asked, laughing as he took a drink from his own water bottle.

I wanted to laugh with him, since those throw back photos were precious and hilarious, bless Phichit for saving and posting them, but the usual blush on Yuuri’s cheeks were no where to be seen. If anything, he was paler than usual.

“Eli…” My shoulders immediately tensed at Yuuri’s cold tone, knowing I messed up, somehow.

“Did you talk to anyone today?”

“Um, you, Viktor, Yuuko-.” I started to count the people off with my fingers, but Yuuri quickly waved his hand, a frown growing as he skated closer. Viktor put down his own water bottle to come in closer as well, his expression passively curious with a hint of foreboding. I was all foreboding, curiosity be damned. I didn’t want to know what was wrong; pretending it was okay worked in most cases.

“No, I mean, did you talk to anyone suspicious, like a reporter, perhaps?” Yuuri placed the phone in front of my face, a rather unflattering picture of myself looking confused staring right back at me.

“Oh.”

“‘Oh’? Eli…”

“Wow, so the reporters caught you?” Viktor said, easily taking Yuuri’s phone and looking over the picture and article for himself, sighing pitifully as he looked back at me. “Shame this is the photo they used.”

“Thanks,” I replied, my voice flat.

“Eli, what did you tell them? Why didn’t you tell us you talked to someone?” Yuuri demanded, arms folded as he scrutinized me.

“I-I just told them my first name, and…” Pausing to think, I tried to remember anything else important. The incident was hours ago, and Yuuko said it would be fine, so I tried to put the odd encounter in the far corners of my mind where I kept all the embarrassing stuff I didn’t want to think about it. It had become quite comfortable with most of my middle school memories, and nearly as forgotten.

“Looks like they know you’re my student and an American,” Viktor helpfully filled in, skating in slow, lazy circles on the ice as he continued to read whatever was was on the phone.

“I didn’t even confirm I was American!” I protested, frowning in frustration, eyes going straight towards Yuuri, wondering if I messed up big time.

He simply sighed, a hand rubbing his face in his own frustration.

“Well, what’s done is done. Let the reporters do what they want, if we don’t say anything it’ll die down soon enough,” Yuuri said, tilting his face back up to look me in the eyes. I almost shrank away.

“You’re not used to being in the spotlight, but just don’t talk to people you don’t know, and don’t post anything you’ll regret online. People are quick to judge and even quicker to gossip.”

“R-right,” I replied, wondering just how much personal experience Yuuri had with this.

“Ugh.” The disgusted noise brought Yuuri and my own attention back to Viktor, his obvious look of displeasure sending a wave of coldness through me.

“What? What did they say?” I asked, trying not to sound too worried or desperate or panicked.

“They were wondering if we were dating,” Viktor replied, looking up at me with that same look of thinly veiled disgust.

Laughing, I fell back on the barrier behind me, glad it wasn’t something else, like that I wasn’t actually a human that existed on this plane of existence. Probably. I mean, I didn’t find anything when I googled my name, so…. Probably.

“Yeah, that would never happen,” I said, still chuckling a little as I caught sight of Yuuri leaving.

“Yuuri?”

“I want to go through the program one more time,” Yuuri said, picking up the remote on the other side of the rink before handing it off to Viktor, who took it wordlessly before skating over to where I was on the barrier, Yuri’s phone still in hand.

Yuuri got into position and Viktor pressed play, his eyes glued onto Yuuri as usual, but with a small frown twisting his mouth.

“You know… I think he might be jealous,” I said, trying not to laugh at the surprised side glance I got from Viktor.

“What do you mean?” He asked, as if he didn’t know exactly what I was talking about.

“Dude, you have two students, but they wonder about us? Poor Yuuri,” I said, dramatically placing a hand over my heart as I watched said skater do something that could’ve been a triple axel or quad flip. I still couldn’t tell the difference between any of them.

“Hm, well, he can be rest assured,” Viktor said, tapping the remote to his chin as his eyes followed Yuuri’s body gliding over the ice. “Because the only reason they suggested a… relationship-.” He made another disgusted face at the word, as if simply the thought was repulsive (okay Viktor, I get it, you don’t like me like that. Spare my ego a little, won’t you??) “-Is because unlike Yuuri, you are unknown, so they figured we were in a relationship or I was taking on a charity case, especially with how old they guessed you were.”

“…How old did they think I was?”

“20.”

I ran an exasperated hand over my face.

Damn it, I’m 22. What kind of charity case am I _now_?

 

The rest of the day went just as well, Yuuri hitting the gym alone while Viktor continued to work on the choreography for his free skate after the children’s skating class in the afternoon. I decided to hang out, the Inn having a slow day and curious to see how Viktor mother fucking Nikiforov made his routines. I was in charge of the remote.

To sum it up, there was a lot of repetition in both music and moves, note taking, and angry Russian words that were probably curse words. By the end of his session, he had over half of Yuuri’s FS down, and I was starting to get sick of the song even though I had spent over 3 hours listening to it on repeat once. Just hearing it start, and then stop, and then start, and stop, over and over and over again as Viktor yelled orders in Russian was an exercise in patience.

When we got back to Yu-topia, I was practically dragging my feet while Viktor almost leapt up when Yuuri greeted us at the entrance. I could understand why, I mean, Yuuri was wearing one of the Yu-topia uniforms, which despite living there for months I had never actually seen him wear. He always wore sweat pants or work out clothes, even when helping around the Inn. My fingers itched for a camera.

Viktor was already taking some photos with his phone, before we even took off our shoes.

“V-Viktor, what are you doing?” Yuuri blushed bright red, apologizing to the customer he just finished serving before storming over to us.

“Saving memories.” Viktor hummed, happily tapping away on his phone with a grin.

“He’s posting it on Instagram,” I called out after catching a glimpse of the screen. Yuuri doubled his speed, snatching Viktor’s phone from his as soon as he was close enough.

“Viktor, I already told you I don’t like you posting anything without asking me first,” Yuuri said, sliding his fingers across the phone, moving around as Viktor tried to get a look at what he was doing.

“But you look so handsome in- Ah! Don’t delete it!!”

I watched the two of them bicker (mostly just Viktor teasing Yuuri), taking off my shoes and replacing them with slippers as I avoided the pair, joining Minako at her table with a small nod. It took a few more seconds for Yuuri and Viktor to stop and notice that everyone in the room was watching them. Yuuri’s flush returned and even Viktor had the decency to blush a bit.

“A-ah, sorry, sorry, about that!” Yuuri bowed to all the patrons, who were mostly older regulars that just laughed and told him it was fine, cute even, if my Japanese was correct.

I shared a knowing look with Minako as Viktor sat down with us, nodding his greeting at Minako. He had really warmed up to Minako since becoming a regular at her bar, and of course, making sure there was nothing between her and Yuuri.

“Want to have another drinking contest?” Minako waved her hand over to the bottle she only just opened, a wry grin challenging the Russian man.

Of course, Viktor agreed, probably still solemn that Yuuri deleted the rare picture he was able to get of Yuuri in uniform, which meant that I should get going. There was no way I could even hope to challenge either of them, and when the two of them got drunk it was hard to keep up with the conversation.

Hiroko did not mind me coming in to help with dinner or cleaning.

The article was, once again, forgotten and left with my middle school memories, the ones that only come out to haunt me on nights I can’t sleep.


	8. One last skate, Swimtrucks booty shake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! The suspense! The mystery!
> 
> The completely plot lines!
> 
> Oh boy Oberito.

It took a few more days for Viktor to finish the choreography, but when he did, I nearly died. No, seriously, because he wanted to keep it a surprise so the first time I saw him dance to my music was when he showed me the choreography as a whole.

My knuckles were white from gripping onto the short wall around the rink, my arms and knees shaking as I barely stayed upright. And, of course, my eyes were glued onto the beautiful ice man dancing over the ice.

“What do you think so far, Eli?” Yuuri asked, watching Viktor alongside me. The only reason he probably wasn’t dying from watching Viktor in action was probably because he had seen Viktor working on the song before, even helping with some parts from what Viktor told me.

“Urhhh,” I intelligently replied, more grunting than actual using syllables. 

“…Right.”

“You got that, Eli?”  Viktor asked as he skated over. It was done. The ending had barely registered with me even though I had gone over the stupid part of the music a million times while making the song.

“What?”

“The dance?” Viktor raised an eyebrow at me.

“Oh right. Yeah, sure. No problem. Probably,” I said, only laughing a little. Oh my god, I was going to skate a routine that Viktor mother fucking Nikiforov created. To music I created. Urr _hh_ h.

Viktor and Yuuri shared a look, and I didn’t miss how they smiled at each other, as if laughing at some sort of joke, eyes sharing a twinkle. What was this? Did they develop telepathy or was I just that laughable?

….I decided not to think about it.

“Well, let’s get started. I don’t want to spend more time on your routine than absolutely necessary,” Viktor said, flashing me with his trademark killer smile.

“….Thanks.”

Viktor went over the routine 5 times within an hour, and I got almost all of it. Almost. There were still some parts that were kind of fuzzy, but that’s what practice is for, right?

Speaking of, it’s Yuuri’s turn. After Viktor sent me a couple of looks while Yuuri was looking away, I decided I was needed elsewhere. It seemed like he had gotten used to the alone time with Yuuri, without me. 

Nah, I’m cool. I can just practice the ice skating moves without skates, at YuTopia. No problem. 

I waved good bye to Yuuko as I left the rink, wondering what I should have for lunch. Maybe there was some teriyaki tofu leftover from last night? 

My thoughts were so focused on that glazed soy product I didn’t notice the person on the other side of the door until I barreled into them. 

“Ah shit, sorry!” I apologized, in English and then again in Japanese once I remembered where I was, sans the swearing.

“It’s oka- ah.” The voice was familiar, and when I saw the blonde hair with a bright streak of red in front of me, I had to force down a squeal. Chicken nugget! The one and only! 

“Minami?” I asked, looking over the teen. He was young, baby cheeks red and adorably chubby, his colorful hair standing up with the help of an awful amount of gel.

“Y-you know my name?” He asked in accented English, looking up at me curiously. I smiled, wondering what he was thinking, or even doing here. From the show, it didn’t seem like he really saw Yuuri before that qualifying competition.

“Er, yeah, I’ve seen some of your skating. Great stuff,” I said, hoping he had some stuff up online.

“T-thanks,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as a blush lit up his face. Aw, so cute. Glad that lie worked.

“Anyways, I’ll just get out of your way then-.”

“You’re Eli, right? The one dating Viktor?” Minami burst out before I could make my escape.

I scrunched up my face in distaste. As beautiful as Viktor was, the thought of dating him… Well, given how he had responded at the thought of dating me, I wasn’t too interested in it. Plus, Viktuuri4evah.

Speaking of, I needed to get that tattooed on my lower back.

“I am Eli, but I’m not with Viktor, he’s just training Yuuri and me,” I said, wondering just how many people actually thought that. Yuuri was the one they should be pairing with him, damnit. They were so perfect together. 

“I mean, Yuuri is- er,” I cut myself off, not wanting to give anything away. It’s not like the two of them were actually together yet, in any case. Damn it.

Minami frowned, eyebrows drawing down to his eyes, not looking away from me in his intense focus. Still… kind of cute…? A little weird though. Like wtf chicken nugget.

“Are you…. Do you like Yuuri?” Minami asked, having some trouble with his English. Huh, what a strange question. Perhaps the original meaning got lost in translation?

“Yeah,” I replied, smiling wider so the younger guy would feel more comfortable despite the slight language barrier. It had the opposite affect, though, as Minami’s expression went dark in a split second, making me take a step back in surprise.

“Minami? Are you alright?” I asked, confused at this sudden change. I tried to reach out a hand to comfort him but he slapped it away before I could even touch him. What the hell??

“Fine,” he gritted out, pausing for a moment before turning around and leaving me there. Blinking, I looked around, wondering if this was some sort of joke. Did the chicken nugget just get angry with me?? Why??? How??? WhHAT DID I SAYY??

Well, maybe I can make it up to him in a few months when Yuuri goes to the qualifiers competition. Yeah, I’ll just have to wait until then, unless he showed up earlier. 

After standing in front of the ice castle for a few more minutes like an idiot, I finally made my way to YuTopia, my mind already back on what food I would eat. 

Yeah, tofu sounded good. No chicken.

-

It went on like that for a while, where I would train with Viktor on the ice for a little while to get down my program. Just remembering the stupid choreography was the only thing I had trouble with- everything else was flawless thanks to the ball of light that brought me here in the first place. Which just meant I was the problem. How reassuringly frustrating.

Yuuri was seriously worried about my lack of time to practice, but both Viktor and I assured him it was fine. He was finally starting to work on his Free Skate program, and the date for my own skating event was coming up.

Things were going well.

Summer came before I realized it, hot days forcing me into shorts and tank tops. The cool ice from the skating rink pulling in more people that wanted sanctuary from the sun, leaving us all a bit less time to use it for private practice. More time to play, though.

-

“Let’s go to the beach!” Viktor came into the main dining room in his swim trucks and a large, already blown up donut water floatie around his shoulder. Yuuri and I looked from him, then to each other, still waking up and eating breakfast, leagues from how awake Viktor already was.

“Well, I guess we have a day off anyways, what do you say, Eli?” Yuuri said, half yawning and half laughing at Viktor’s get up while turning to me, waiting for my answer.

“I-I, yeah!” I replied, grinning at the guys. A day off! At the beach! With Viktor and Yuuri! Ending sequence in live action!! Yasss, son.

We left about a half hour later, using the small car Yuuri’s parents owned, stuffing Makkchin and all the beach toys in the back with me. I was fine with it, giving Makkachin all the love she deserved even though the heat was slowing baking me alive. Anything for the doggos.

-

When we got there, Yuri’s face lit up with a smile. “Wow! What a great day!”

It really was; the blue sky, bright sun, and hot sand between my toes- everything that made a beach day good was there, like a neatly wrapped present.

We decided to go play in the water first, leaving all the picnic supplies in the car for later. 

The plan was only to stay for a few hours, getting back home before dinner so Yuuri could still get some training in today, so any hopes for seeing any of the beach side sparkler ending sequence in real life were squashed. Of course, those also included Yurio, and he was still over in Russia, so it made sense. 

Soon enough we were all running around in the waves, the cold water a welcome retreat from the hard training Viktor had kept up through the humidity of the summer. I was borrowing a swim suit from Mari, who had simply told us to have fun. I felt a bit bad for leaving her to do all the work at the Onsen, but she had a trip planned with her own friends to go to the beach soon, so I suppose I’ll make it up to her then.

Of course, as I popped my head up past the waves, a slight distance from Yuuri and Viktor, I knew I was a third wheel. Maybe not even that, really. Perhaps more like that side character used once before disappearing into the background because even the author forgot about them. 

Letting the waves roll me around, I watched the two. They were splashing each other with water,  Makkachin trying to join in as she jumped around in between the two. Lots of laughter, lots of smiles. I sniffed, wondering if I would ever see anything more beautiful than my two favorite guys mostly naked and playing around with a dog. 

Then the waves rolled me onto the sand, like a beached whale, before a large wave crashed over me and forced water up my nose. 

The two of them were still playing with Makkachin after I choked up most of the salt water. 

Ah, so pure. So beautiful. 11/10. The stinging pain in my nostrils was forgotten with the sheer loveliness of the scene.

Another wave crashed over me.

-

“Wow, this is so cute!” Viktor cooed over the bento Yuuri had helped make with his mother while Viktor and I got everything else together. It was shaped like a small cartoon version of Viktor, my heart jumping at how closely it resembled the ‘chibi’ version of Viktor in the series.

“Thanks,” Yuuri mumbled, his face bright red, grinning even as he looked anywhere but at Viktor before handing me one.

Mine had a cute character as well, with long brown hair and blushing cheeks. laksjdflkasjd.

“E-Eli? Are you crying??” 

“N-No,” I said, sniffing as I wiped away the water that mysteriously appeared on my face.

Viktor had the gall to laugh, although our attention was quickly diverted when Yuuri opened up his own, an adorable looking Makkachin made out of the same brown stuff they had used from my hair.

“Aww!!”

“So cute!!” Viktor already had his phone out, snapping pictures of all three of our lunch boxes while I not-cried even harder. Yuuri simply let it happen, giving Makkachin the food that they brought along for her, next to the water bowl we already put out for her.

“But Yuuri, why isn’t there one of you?” Viktor asked, after he took enough pictures to probably use up his phone’s data.

“Uh, I mean, I’m the one making them, wouldn’t that be weird?” Yuuri shrugged, his blush returning.

“I guess that means I just have to make one for you later, then,” Viktor said, his voice leaving no room for argument. “Of course, you’re going to have to teach me how!”

“Right, right, fine,” Yuuri said, laughing. “Now how about we actually eat these?”

-

I fell asleep on the car ride home, the cooler late afternoon air paired with a warm Makkachin on my lap the perfect combination to knock me out after playing around in the water for hours. 

I did, however, gain some consciousness during the ride, but I was too comfy to officially wake up, so I just kept my eyes closed and let my mind drift.

It didn’t go very far, because Yuuri and Viktor were talking.

And my mind, conscious or not, zeroed directly into my boys.

“Thanks, I really did need that, Viktor.” Yuri’s voice was quiet, as if he didn’t want to wake me.

“You and me, both. You’ve been working really hard, Yuuri. I appreciate it.”

“You appreciate it?” Yuuri giggled, as if he had a hard time believing it. “I’m still blown away that you’re here, coaching me.”

“What? Of course I am! There’s an Onsen here that sells delicious Katsudon, how could I not coach you with those sorts of incentives?” Yuuri just laughed harder, still trying to keep quiet as Viktor joined in with his giggling.

“But still, thanks,” Yuuri breathed out, once he got a hold of himself.

“Of course.” 

The car ride was mostly quiet after that, letting my mind go back to dozing off. Of course, as soon as I did, we were there, and it was time to unload everything out. I did it half asleep, slowing waking up during the process, with just enough energy to take a shower before actually heading to bed. 

When I got back to Viktor’s room, I noticed he wasn’t sitting on his couch or bed reading like he usually did. He wasn’t in his room at all. Neither was Makkachin.

Then I heard laughter from Yuuri’s room a few feet away, unmistakably belonging to Viktor and Yuuri. The door was opened a crack, the two of them chatting away about something I couldn’t make out. 

Smiling, I retreated into Viktor’s room, not bothering to turn on the lights as I fell into the closet that had been my room for nearly a half year, now. I could still hear the other two’s voices through the wall, even though it was muffled from the wall between us. 

I held my futon tighter, wondering how my own friends were doing right now.

-

“Eli, you got this.” No I don’t. You’re crazy. Why would you lie to me? I’m not even a real skater and I’m just here because a magical light threw me up in Russia.

“Yeah, thanks,” I replied, adjusting the short skirt of my skating costume for the thousandth time. It was so short, ridiculously so. Despite wearing a special pair of flesh toned tights, the fact I had something that just barely covered my ass was out of my comfort zone and into the next dimension. And it certainly didn’t help that it was coupled by the other fact that there was a full arena of ice skating fans waiting for me to perform in just a few minutes.

“C’mon, you’ve done this routine a thousand times already, you had Viktor Nikoforov as a coach. You’ll be fine,” Viktor reassured me, earning a flat stare from Yuuri.

“Even then, you have plenty of talent yourself, Eli,” Yuuri said, butting in from Viktor’s impromptu speech. “You worked really hard on the music and the skating. Go out there and have fun. You deserve to showcase your work.”

I felt a bit better with Yuuri’s words, but something was still bothering me. Had been bothering me, for weeks, perhaps even months, and now that I was here, at the end of the summer ice skating event created for my program, it seemed like now was as good a time as any to deal with it.

“Yuuri…” I started, giving Viktor a quick glance, his eyebrows raising as he somehow understood what I was about to say. “Yuuri, I’ve been lying to you.”

“What?” he asked, looking between Viktor and myself in confusion.

“Eli, are you sure you want to-.”

“No better time, Viktor!” I interrupted, putting on an awkward smile that only seemed to accentuate my nervousness. There were actually many better times than this, right before I went to preform in front of a huge crowd, but I also knew that I’ve been putting it off for too long.

Taking a deep breath, I turned to face Yuuri head on. Fuck it all, I’m doing it. 

“I’m not actually a skater.”

“Huh? You still have time, and you can do a triple axel, it's-.”

“No, I mean…” I bit my lip, trying to think about how I did this with Viktor. The Russian man put a hand on my shoulder in support. 

“I mean that I only started skating since I got here, with Viktor, and you,” I said, not missing the open mouth Yuuri had as he tried to process what I was saying.

“Before I came here, I seriously really sucked at skating, like, I fell down four times while holding the walls in just one hour-.” 

“Seriously?”

“-But that’s besides the point,” I said, ignoring Viktor’s interruption. Yuuri was still watching me, mouth now in a tight line as he waited for me to continue.

“During last New Year’s Eve, while I was doing the count down, there was a… light, like, a ball of light that asked me if I wanted a chance to, uh, prove myself.” It was getting harder to keep going. Last time I at least had a bottle of beer for confidence, but I highly doubt Viktor would let me toss one back minutes before I was suppose to skate. 

“And I said yes, and then woke up in Russia, at Viktor’s rink.” I nodded towards Viktor, who nodded in agreement.

“Where I’m from…” I took a deep breath, looking back up at Yuuri, the guy who I had looked up to for so long, who had become something of a friend in the last few months, and someone I respected too much too lie to anymore. He was giving me his full attention. 

“Where I’m from, you guys are part of a story. In my world, you don’t exist in anything except for a TV show and in people’s imaginations.” Yuuri tilted his head, squinting at me despite having his glasses on, glancing over at Viktor who simply smiled and shrugged.

“I told Viktor, as you can probably tell, because he was starting to get suspicious of me and I didn’t want to lie anymore so… yeah, I guess that’s it?”

Viktor looked at me, mouthing ‘ _that’s it?_ ’ incredulously, as if he couldn’t believe that’s how I ended it. I ignored him and focused on Yuuri, waiting for his reaction. 

He had a hand on his chin, frowning at the ground, deep in thought.

“So… you don’t exist here?”

“Er, I did google my name and check social media but none of my stuff was there…” I replied, breathing out a sigh as I realized I had been holding my breath.

“Do you know when you’re going back?” Yuuri asked, regarding me with an interesting look, something between skeptical and curious.

“No, not really. I haven’t heard from that ball of light since I came here, honestly, I’m not sure… I can…” My eyes found the ground, a fear that had been echoing in the back of my mind spoken aloud for the first time. As much as loved this place, these people… I didn’t belong here. My family and friends didn’t exist here. 

The idea of never seeing them again terrified me.

Yuuri place a hand on my shoulder, gently, giving me a soft smile.

“I’m sure you will. We’ll miss you here, but you have people that need you, and your own life to live, right?” I nodded, tears starting to well up in my eyes and blurring my vision. 

“Y-yeah. Thanks, Yuuri.”

“Eli, it’s time!” Yuuko stuck her head in, her cheerful smile fading as she looked at the three of us, a mixture of confusion, slight embarrassment, and then more confusion passing over her face. 

“Okay! Thanks!” I told her, quickly rubbing away the tears as I started forward, ready to do this. Yuuko nodded, still glancing between the three of us, but no one said anything else as we walked down the halls to the rink.

My heart sped up, butterflies fluttering in my stomach as my legs felt oddly light. 

The last several months here had been amazing. Hard, and difficult, but amazing. I was able to live beside people I looked up to, working hard beside them and working even harder because of them. 

They were inspirations, continuously pushing themselves to the limits whether they were 24 or 15, to not only do the best they can, but to be the best. Where most people would’ve taken a break or even given up, they just pushed themselves harder. 

I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach that point in my own life, but I certainly wasn’t going to let myself get away with half-assing it anymore. 

I would do the best I could, and be proud of what I could do.

“How are you feeling, Eli?” Viktor asked when we got to the rink’s edge, the full audience already chatting away. A chill went down my spin at the countless faces. There were so many they all seemed to blur into one another.

“I’m… okay,” I said, taking a deep breath and focusing on all the hard work I put into this. All the sweat and swearing it took to get to this point. And maybe a few tears. Probably some blood. No, there was definitely blood. At least when I created the music.

Viktor patted me on the back, giving me a reassuring smile. Yuuri was right behind him, pointing two thumbs up at me with his own smile. My heart felt lighter than it had in years, floating higher than the clouds outside. I grinned back at them.

“Our main event is here! A skater unknown before now, some one who convinced 5 time Gold winning champion Viktor Nikiforov to coach her despite her lack of competitive skating, Eli!”

_It wasn’t me who convinced him, it was Yuuri. I just mediated._

My coat went in Viktor’s arms as I stepped out into the rink, effortlessly gliding forward, taking a small lap to wave at the people around the edges before taking my position in the middle. With the bright lights on me, I could barely even see the people outside the rink, the only sure visible thing being the ice shining underneath me and the sparkly beads on my dress, which had been compliments of Yuuko’s past figure skating.

Everyone quieted down, waiting for the music to play, for me to start and prove myself as Viktor’s student.

“She’ll be skating to a song she created herself, titled ‘Born to Make History’.”

Closing my eyes, I let the silence wash over me, sighing as I wondered what everyone would think of my music. Besides Yuuri and Viktor, it was the first time most of them would hear it. At least there weren’t any people who had seen the show and could judge me for naming it what I did.

When the first note rang in the air, I didn’t worry about anything else, and simply skated.

Movement blended into movement, Viktor’s choreography a perfect fit to the song, the anticipation building up as the instruments hit a crescendo, layers upon layers creating a force that translated through the complex footwork that Viktor had me spend hours working on. 

My skates crisscrossed over the ice, weaving in and out of their own lines as the music swelled, leading into my first jump, barely leaving room for a breath before it was followed by a second. 

There were cheers in the crowd, and my heart was flying as I kept going. I mustered all the grace Yuuri helped me gain as my arms rose to meet my right leg behind my head, the cool air whipping around me as I began to spin.

Right with the beat, I went into my next step sequence, unsure if I was controlling the tempo or it was controlling me. 

The melody I had spent hours working on, getting the kinks out of, and perfecting, completely filled the arena, swallowing myself and the people watching up, letting everyone lose themselves in the performance. 

I hadn’t been able to make the strings sound exactly like, well, strings, but even with Garage Band after a lot of work there was some sort of crystal quality to the ones I dared to add, mostly layered in the back as accompaniment to the main synth instrument, but still adding a fullness to the sound that echoed around me.

My muscles were beginning to tire but I kept up with the beat, not missing a single step as the music began to build up again, this time to the climax. 

I couldn’t hear anything besides the music guiding me and my own heart beat, although I wasn’t sure which was which at times. Was this how Yuuri felt while he skated? Although I suppose he usually just had some sort of internal monologue about seducing Viktor. 

I wasn’t out here to seduce anyone, thank goodness. I was just here to prove myself. 

With a cymbal crash I flicked my foot and jumped into the air, the world spinning fast around me before I settled back down just in time with the last note.

Breathing hard, I took my final position, wondering if that performance would earn me a bowl of katsudon. Viktor had been making me lay off them for a while, to make sure I was able to fit into the skating outfit. What a butt.

Cheers and applause took me away from my thoughts of katsudon, the sweat grossly clinging to my body forgotten as I realized I had to bow, or something.

Almost forgetting how to move like a human, I awkwardly went around the rink, waving and bowing as Yuuri had after his skate off with Yurio, trying to keep myself from being too obvious when I wiped the sweat off my face.

“Eli!” My attention went towards the rink exit, where Yuuri and Viktor were waiting for me, both with large smiles. I smiled back, my legs taking me towards them before my mind caught up.

Their arms opened and I fell into them, heart pounding as I accepted a group hug with two of my favorite people. 

Wiping the rest of my sweat on Viktor’s priceless coat, I tried to contain the tears that were burning my eyes, sniffing instead. 

“Eli, are you alright?” Yuuri asked, the first to break up our glorious group hug. Viktor kindly pushed me away, handing me my skate guards as he pretended not to notice the make up that had rubbed off on his coat.

“Y-yeah,” I replied, holding onto Viktor for support while putting on the guards. The last few weeks Yuuko had given me a different pair of skates to work with, ones that were old but still better than the rental skates and had blades that needed protection. I had to force down more burning tears. So many wonderful, kind people here.

“I’m just happy that I didn’t fall,” I said, looking up at all the happy faces around me. There were my boys, of course, and Yuuri didn’t even look like I just told him I wasn’t from here, he just looked proud- ack, burning eyes- but there was also Minako, Mari, Yuuko, the triplets, Nishigori; all of them with a similarly proud look in their eyes. Well, the triplets were mostly on their mom’s phone, probably posting something, but everyone else I had grown close to over the last several months looked pretty happy with my performance. 

“T-thank you all for helping me!” I said, bowing at everyone as the first few tears dropped. Whatever, it was a losing battle anyways.

“You did it yourself Eli, don’t forget that,” Viktor said, patting my head and messing up the hair Mari had spend a half hour on. 

“That was a great song, Eli, I can’t wait to hear your others!” Minako said, grinning widely. Yuuko and Nishigori had left, probably to finish up the event. I felt exhaustion seep into my bones, all the hours spent learning the routine and making the music and then hating the music caught up to me. 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready for a shower.” Viktor and Yuuri just laughed, Yuuri leading me to the dressing room while Viktor stayed to help with the event.

“You did really good, Eli. I still can’t believe you only started skating six months ago,” Yuuri said, his voice oddly loud in the empty halls.

“That’s thanks to the light. I can actually do a quad flip, supposedly. That’s what I did in front of the Russian skaters when I first came here.”

“A-a quad flip?”

“Yep, I didn’t even know what I was doing, it just kind of happened,” I said, amused at Yuuri’s expression, as if he was still trying to figure out just how I managed such a feat.

“Well, that’s certainly… something,” Yuuri replied, laughing. I joined in, my tiredness still present but unable to stop myself from laughing at the ridiculousness of my situation. 

“Eli… I’m glad you came here, you and Viktor,” Yuuri said as our laughter trailed off and we went in the dressing room. “I wasn’t in the best place after my failures at the Grand Prix and Nationals….It’s just really helped, thanks.”

My heart melted along with every other atom in my body as Yuuri looked at me with the most beautiful smile known to human kind. My soul left my body at least twice as I tried to take in its magnificence.

In short: I started crying again.

“N-no problem, although he was going to come whether I did or not,” I said, trying to hold back the sniffles. Yuuri put a supportive hand on my shoulder, head tilted as he took in what I just said.

“He was?”

“I mean, yeah, he really thinks you’re a great skater, Yuuri, and the triplets were supposed to upload this video of you skating his ‘Stay close to me’ routine that goes viral and then he comes after seeing it.” I tried explaining, figuring it wouldn't matter if he knew about that. It wasn’t like I was giving away anything for the future, right?

“E-eh? He just sees me skating that and comes here?” 

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“But… that doesn’t make any sense.” Yuuri frowned, as if trying to connect the dots, or as if he was trying to figure out if I really was just crazy and my explanation about the magical ball of light was utter bull shit.

“It does, though! Have you seen the way he looks at you— I mean, yeah, you a great skater, yeah,” I said, choking down what I nearly revealed. They were friends now, finally comfortable with each other! I couldn’t just unload that on Yuuri- they needed a bit more time. 

“D-don’t worry about it,” I said, laughing as I patted Yuuri’s shoulder, ignoring the height and age difference between us. Yuuri frowned, but didn’t press the topic.

“Alright, you think you can do some talking to the press? There’s a few news reporters here that are curious about you. I’m sure they won’t pry… too much,” Yuuri said, looking doubtful at his own words.

“Haha, yeah, just give me a second to redo some of my make up,” I said, wondering how long they would wait for me. The event should already be wrapping up, and most of my make up was still stuck on Viktor’s coat.

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Yuuri said, leaving me in the dressing room. I smiled, happy that the event turned out so well. And to think, I had been so stuck on the stupid song I almost didn’t make it. I silently promised myself I wouldn’t listen to it again for at least another ten years. 

First the skates came off, letting my feet breath and celebrate their freedom. Make up came next, the tears created dark smudges from the mascara, not at all helped by my inability to keep my hands from rubbing them. Water proof mascara my ass.

Deciding a clean template is better than what I had, I got out the make up wipes Minako let me (along with basically all the other make up) and took it off, thinking I’ll just keep it simple with a little mascara and blush for the reporters. 

 

(A/N: This next part is violent, slightly random, and mostly unnecessary. It involves Minami being creepy, so if that isn’t your kink, you can just scroll past this for the next obvious A/N for a summary. Thanks!)

 

As I took away the wipe from my eye, I caught movement behind me. 

Things began to tilt as I felt an absolute wrongness in the air, the tension alone making it difficult to breath.

The door hadn’t made any noise, no one had said hello. 

It wasn’t someone I knew.

They were fast, barely a blur in the mirror. 

My heart seemed to stop, everything happening so slowly, yet still too fast.

Before I could even turn to face the intruder, pain clouded my vision and blackness enveloped me.

 

Waking up, my body stung in pain with something wet soaking through my costume from the ground. It didn’t smell. Water?

Cracking my eyes open, I found myself in the forest, only bits of fading light making it through the branches. 

My head was pounding, each heart beat painfully reminding me of the spot I was hit on. Attempting to hold my aching head, I quickly realized that my arms and legs were tightly bound.

“You’re finally awake.” An eerily familiar voice grabbed my attention, my head snapping towards the source so fast that I had to close my eyes as the pain doubled.

“Careful, you probably have a concussion. It might kill you.” They laughed, as if my death was some sort of joke. I bit down on my tongue, willing the throbbing headache down as I managed to open an eye.

Minami.

“Wh-what’s happening?” I asked, my words slurring together. I had to bite down on my tongue again when my stomach churned and threatened to reverse the food process.

“Justice,” he replied, the teenager pulling out a rather sharp looking pocket knife. Did people even make pocket knifes that large and sharp? It didn’t seem very practical. Also, it was getting hard to breath.

“What does that even mean?” I groaned, wondering just how I got out here. I was taller than the kid, and the forest was kind of far away. Did he drag me? My body certainly hurt enough to have been thrown around a bit.

“It means that you’ve been taking up Yuuri’s precious time with your selfishness.” He flipped the blade in his hands around, clearly experienced with it. Wasn’t he just a cute chicken nugget? This wasn’t cute. This wasn’t cute at all.

“I over heard you guys in the dressing room, before the show.”

He was in there the whole time? What even-.

Minami pointed the knife at me, it’s edge glinting maliciously. “You don’t belong here. You’re not even supposed to exist here.”

“Eh, um, I guess that’s true,” I managed, panic starting to claw at my mind as I realized the danger I was in, “But, like, um, is this really necessary?”

Minami got up without a word, his foot connecting with my ribs in a very, very painful blow that I didn’t even have time to prepare for. Blood filled my mouth from where I bit my tongue, breathing almost impossible as waves of pain brought stars to my vision.

“You’re not even a real skater! We’ve all worked so hard and you can do a quad flip without training?! You don’t deserve to breath the same air as Yuuri!” His steel tipped boot continued to hit me, landing blows on my stomach until I was was forced to throw up.

“Disgusting,” he spat as I choked out the burning liquid, head spinning with disconnected thoughts. It was all pain, all hurt. Nothing made sense anymore. A chicken nugget was trying to kill me. 

New pain bit into my scalp as he grabbed me by the messed up bun most of my hair remained in, forcing me to look at him.

“Go back to your own place.” My mind went into overdrive as I caught a glimpse of the sharp knife before pain exploded from my neck, at such a level I had never felt before and knew I would never be able to feel again. It was a fatal blow.

Then I was just cold, so cold as Minami tossed me back to the ground, everything fading into darkness once more, just a flicker of light appearing in my vision before my mind gave out.

 

 

 

(A/N: hahaha my friend suggested I should end it with that. Anyways, so if you didn’t want to read the gore and murder, basically Minami kidnapped me, beat me up, and then stabbed me in the throat till I dead. Fun fact: I have not been able to look at him the same way since I wrote this scene. Why. Why did I do that. hahaha)

 

 

 

“Eli~” I snorted myself awake, finding a familiar face looking over me with a tight smile.

“Eli, I have to go to work soon. Everyone else has already left…” I looked around, bewildered to find myself on the coach in the same apartment from all those months ago, during New Year’s eve. And I was still wearing that pink sweater Viktor forced me to throw away, saying it was an abomination of fashion.

“U-uh, right,” I replied, my mouth dry. My heart was still pounding, but I was alive. Very, very alive. 

“I guess… yeah, I’ll get going now.” There was only me and my somewhat friend in the apartment, who was obviously just wishing I could hurry up. My body went through the motions, my mind taking a bit longer to catch up.

I just barely remembered to thank the host before leaving, closing the door to the apartment I had disappeared in so many months ago. 

The cold outside air sent goosebumps down on my arms despite the sweater. It certainly wasn’t Japanese summer weather. 

I dumbly walked out of the complex, heading on to the familiar streets of Seattle, blinking at everything as if it was the first time I saw it.

After getting a cup of coffee, I got on a bus back to my place. It was surreal, reminding me of the first day in the other world. Although this was a reality I had been a part of for much, much longer, to actually be back was like trying to wear clothes from your childhood and finding they didn’t quite fit the same anymore.

Everything was the same, but different. I was different. 

My hands dug out the phone in my pocket, finding it filled with ‘happy new year!’ texts from my friends. My friends. I could see them again. 

Fingers shaking, I ignored the bus rule of no phone calls and dialed the number to my parents' house. 

“Happy New year! Who is this?” Ah, right, I called the landline, not someone’s cell phone. Still, just hearing my sister’s voice was enough to put me on edge.

“H-hey! It’s me, Eli,” I said, just barely breathing, ignoring the annoyed glares the other bus riders were given me.

“Kori? Why are you calling on the home pho- No, it’s just Eli!” she called out to someone else on the other side. I could hear the rest of my family talking, probably with their own cups of coffee as they got ready for the day. 

I was home.

On the bus, with one hand holding a red Starbuck’s coffee cup and the other white knuckling my phone, I started crying.

I was home.

——

_A few months later._

 

“Eli, did you get the snacks?” My new roommate and best friend asked, jumping on the second hand couch we found on the side of the road, making it shake a worrying amount. The packets of candy I had sitting on the edge fell off, landing on the floor in an unceremonious pile.

“Yeah, they’re on the ground,” I said, giving her a pointed look. She just laughed, picking up her favorite candy and ripping the bag open, obviously ready to get started. 

Sighing, I picked up my own personal favorite from the ground, looking up at the screen where the first episode of Yuri!!! on Ice had finished loading.

The apartment we got was small, but it was right next to my work place and within driving distance of my friend’s. There were still moving boxes everywhere, but as she promised me two months ago while we were stressing about finding a place, the first night we moved in we would marathon Yuri on Ice, from the beginning to the end. 

When I first heard her suggestion, I had almost said I didn’t want to. It was when I had only been back a month, easing back into my regular Yuuri-and-Viktor-less life and I had barely been able to stomach the idea of simply looking up fan art of them, let alone re-watching any episodes. Living with them, working side by side with them for months… They were more than just two dimensional characters on the screen to me now, and knowing I would never get the chance to talk to them again, to thank them for everything they had done, was gut wrenching. 

Still, I promised I would watch it with my friend, if just to placate her into thinking I was okay (I mean, given how obsessed I had been before I left, it would be seriously odd if I didn’t want to), but now that the time had come, I was honestly feeling okay with it.

Like, the subtle warmth that bubbles in your stomach when you see a friend you haven’t in a long time, even if it’s just over a Facebook post or in passing at a party.

They might not be exactly the same people I lived with for half a year, but they were still Yuuri and Viktor.

My friend flashed a smile at me, not as obsessed as I had been with Yuri!!! on Ice, but clearly happy to have moved. I mirrored it before pressing play on my laptop, getting the video on the large TV screen we had already hooked up to start.

There was the familiar long haired Viktor, dancing in the darkness as Yuuri watched. I blinked away some tears in my eyes, the faces I had seen in real life for so long in front of me, but not. 

“…He never ceased to surprise me.”

We were watching the Japanese version, but I had seen the show so many times it didn’t make much difference if I read the subtitles or not. Still, reading that line, I couldn’t help but crack a smile. 

Yuuri might’ve been surprised by Viktor, but I was surprised at myself. After coming back, I went right back into school, the quarter starting just days after the New Year. It was a distraction, and mostly a welcome one, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my time in Hatsetsu, when I created music that I was not only proud of but even got Viktor’s approval for.

I knew I still had a lot to learn, but half way through the second week, while I was trying to find time to sleep between my jobs, classes, studying… I decided that it was my last quarter at school. 

Telling my friends in the program that was almost funny, their reactions incredulous given I only had a quarter and half worth’s of classes left to earn my degree. 

But I didn’t need a degree, I needed a portfolio. I needed to work on my music and continue to make stuff I was proud of. As much more as there was to learn, I could only learn so much when I didn’t even have time to work on music. 

Not to say my time at school was wasted, far from it; I had a much better understanding of music and was years beyond what I would’ve been if I hadn’t, but I also couldn’t shake the feeling that it was time to move on.

And so I did. I called up my friend one anxiety ridden night and somehow we decided to move in together at the end of my lease. She wanted to move away from her parents and I was still figuring things out. It was perfect. 

I finished up the rest of my quarter at school, although my grades had suffered as I spent more time focused on my own projects than the ones I was assigned. Still, I was creating, working, and my music had become exponentially better than it was before. The music in my head was finally being realized out loud more often than not, an impossibly satisfying feeling that was even more intoxicating as the amount of people following me on my social media dedicated to my music increased by leaps and bounds. People were praising my techniques, asking for details on what programs or gear I was using, and the amount of sex bots was thankfully minimal in my overall number of followers. 

Even though I was still working at my customer service job that barely paid minimum wage with no sure job offers in the future, my portfolio was looking better and better everyday. I had given myself a few months to polish it further before sending it to a studio as an application to become a professional song writer, but I knew it would probably be much longer before I could actually give up my job at the restaurant. 

And I was okay with that. A little effort would go a long away, as long as I was willing to do it, and not half ass it. 

I mean, after a curiosity-driven trip to the nearby ice rink proved that I didn’t retain a bit of the grace I had before, I knew I could get better if I decided to seriously put aside some time to practice, but I didn’t. I wasn’t an ice skater, as fun as it had been; I was a song writer, and I would do anything I could in order to achieve my dreams of becoming a professional one.

The opening song started, it’s familiar intro already bringing tears into my eyes as Yuuri started skating across the screen.

I was going to make history.

——

_side story (during the marathon)_

 

me: Um, do you think we could fast forward through Minami’s part?

friend: What? Why? I thought you loved the adorable lil’ nugget.

me: …. Just because. 

Friend: Werido. You just want to focus on the parts with Yuuri and Viktor, right?

Me: ….Sure.

 

The End. ~

 

a/n: haha so this is as far as this went. I mean, I could've kept going, and going, and just kept mary-sueing it out, but meh. Maybe later lol. Also, working on another fic, a serious one, that focuses on Seungchuchu, because that name is adorable. When will it come out, you ask? Excellent question.

Thanks for reading... this! hahahahah I hope it pandered to all your crazy fangirl dreams, as it mostly did to mine. Except the murder part. That was kind of uncalled for. I suppose that's what happens when you pull a Mary Sue.


	9. Chapter 9

[Tumblr with the Comic](https://unicornsovermyrainbow.tumblr.com/post/157343010592/hahahahahaha-so-im-writing-a-self-insert-yoi)

 

This comic is based around chapter 3 or 4? when I, Eli, wake up wondering what happened to Viktor, who was supposed to be waking up Yuuri. hahahahawhy

 

 

I am unstoppable. I am a Mary Sue.

There might be drabbles in the future, later. Let me know if you guys want me to attach those to a seperate thing or whatever. 

lol

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahaha and there's more. So much more.


End file.
